LG, why do we hear so much about sexless marriages? I just read another post about a guy's reason for hobbying that was a 25 yr sexless marriage, and I think, jeez, don't they get a clue after the first 6 months? Or year? Isn't sex and intimacy the bedrock of a good relationship? Are they like some women are, in that they feel they are not complete without a relationship, any relationship? I have always been curious.
A provider will provide sex unconditionally and on schedule.
A wife thinks she doesn't have to, so she doesn't.
If wives could only manage to discipline themselves to feel, "I know I'm angry about him for not taking out the garbage. And I know I'm worried about money, and the kids. But I don't care. I have a sex appointment with him, and I've got to get ready for it now."
But many wives don't do that. They feel they have their husband under exclusive contract, so why bother.
how or why these women justify denying sex to their husbands. Do they think....that just because they turn it off, their hubby's will too? Or do they honestly think that jacking off in the shower every morning will be enough for these men? I honestly feel sorry for the women who are denying THEMSELVES the pleasure of these men!
My wife and I are both in our sixties. She's no longer interested in sex, partially because of a medical problem. And she's feels I shouldn't be interested, either: "You're too old for that. If you want to see a prostitute, go ahead - I don't mind."
That's why I'm here. But I don't rub it in her face and tell her about it.
Yes, she's missing a lot of pleasure. But some women don't know or care what they're missing, unfortunately.
I can only answer for one couple. I hope lots of others will provide answers for you, too.
What if we turned the question on its head and posited the following: Maybe a "sexy" marriage to a woman means sex once a month, and that anything beyond that is one time too many? In other words, what's "sexless" to a man, is "full of sex" to a woman?
Of course I'm being a Devil's advocate, but let's keep this in mind: for reasons evolutionary and hormonal, men and women have divergent sex drives. It is almost physically impossible for women to keep up with men, since women's testosterone levels are about 20 times lower than that of their male counterparts. Hence, right around ovulation, when women experience their LH surge and coincidentally, their T-levels are at their highest, women can be very similar in their desire to copulate. Now we are not talking providers here, since that's a job and there is a fair amount of professional accommodation involved. But otherwise, it's almost superhuman to expect that women should have the same frequency of desire as males. Particularly males with whom they have been consorting for a few years.
Then again, we should not confuse sex and intimacy. I believe that a majority of women crave intimacy and many complain that they are not getting enough. Within that spectrum, women can take intimacy to mean physical affection - the non-sexual kind. Many women would disagree with the notion that sex specificallly is part of the "bedrock of a good relationship." To many women, sex after childbirth ceases to be as important as it is to men. As to the clue after 6 months, that's way too early. Most women's neurotransmitters are firing on all cylinders 6 months into a relationship. The dopamine swings and the PEA don't stop acting up until appx a couple of years post first-coitus.
I would recommend an easy-read book for you, Helen Fisher's "The Anatomy of Love." Good, solid reading, easy to understand and enjoyable to ponder. And there you'll find your answer. If not, write back, please. Always a perennial, that topic!
I went through that myself with my EX-wife, even to the point of having some ED..at 40!
My ex looked at sex as an "optional" activity after the birth of our son, and lo and behold: we separated before he celebrated his third birthday. Those years were miserable and damaging to my self-esteem.
Take my advice and LEAVE NOW. I did, and gave her the house, the car and the money. I am happier now, and am having the sexual experiences of a stallion. My GF actually ENCOURAGES my urges to broaden my experiences with (and without) her.
A recent 15 year research project indicates there is a tailing off of interest in sexual activity, among Married couples, more so for Women than for Men. If memory serves me correctly the drop for men was approximately 20%, while for Women, it was nearly 40%. Given that Men start at a higher level of sexual activity and interest to begin with, the 20% spread may have greater implications. It's a problem....providers and discretion can be a constructive solution...from my perspective.
This is beyond a doubt the most interesting subject of late..just finished reading How to feed a Marriage BY Dr. Laura and How to feed a Husband, she truly understands the frustration so many men feel living in this situation..The solutions she offers im sure would help many couples living the loveless marriage I have for twenty years (just wish I had known 15 years ago what I know now...I do strongly recomend any man wishing to maintain his relationship with his wife read this...There is no telling how many men have suffered needlessly for years with the inability to repair their marriages. I know i have, thank you to the many lovely providers i have spent time with thrue the years the alternative whould have been unthinkable!!
the percentage of women who are that open minded (as your gf) has GOT to be extremely low. You are one lucky man to have found such a woman. I agree tho, that hanging onto a relationship for the material things is NOT worth it! I left after many years.....with little or nothing.......but I am much happier now! A persons priorities change, your life can become simpler, wants more clear, your mental outlook more clear and positive, and your general health much better. And yet..... to leave is NOT for everyone. Make your choices wisely.
to women to deny their sexual feelings? These days sitcoms and many other programs often refer to the woman "having a headache" ......in other words denying sex to their partner. In biblical times it was a womans "duty" to honor and satisfy her husband. Have we evolved into making it completely acceptable now, for women to not want sex........to deny their husbands sex?
...that she'll stop being angry. But she doesn't. Instead she gets angry about more and more things. You're late. You forget something at the store. You didn't do this or you didn't do that. Eventually you stop trying, and later you stop caring.
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