I played at this hobby for over a decade, very consistantly ( 1 - 2/ week) and grew close to 2 or 3 providers and considered them friends.  Recently I have zero interest in seeing any providers and yet my sex drive is healthy and my sex life at home is unchanged (not very frequent but it never was because of my wife's low drive).  I am wondering why this has happened?

My real question is to other hobbyists that may have gone through this and what their experience was, etc.  I am in my late 40's.

My experience is sort of similar to yours, but somewhat different. I'm 49, got married at 22, my first provider experience was when I was in my early 30's. I used  (I hate that word, but can't think of anything better) providers at low points in my marriage, mostly to keep my self-worth up, and also to balance out my perception of power. (How many times have you heard of married women using the prospect of an ice-cold bed as a means to get their way?) This would occur about every 6 mo.s to 2 yrs. Last year, my wife (after 25 yrs. of marriage) had a heart attack, and sadly, didn't survive. For about a year  I didn't really feel like seeing any sort of gal, provider or not. I've only developed renewed interest in the last 2 mo.s or so. Has something traumatic happened to you? Believe me, that'll do it!! Maybe, your mind is telling you to take a break, so somewhere down the road it'll seem like the first time. (It did with me). I've found that following feelings with something like this is much better than forcing yourself to stay with familiarity.

Dear Lost Interest,

Interesting issue. You are not saying anything about the rest of your life. Did anything else change? Work? Your feelings about work? Your kids? Your male friends?

Another issue would be if this change causes distress to you. Are you wondering why this happened because you feel upset about your lack of interest? Do you miss seeing providers but just can't muster up the mental or physical energy?

You mention that you "grew close to 2 or 3 providers and considered them friends." In this case, maybe 'familiarity breeds contempt' [a metaphor of course and not to be taken literally.] Maybe you got so close to these providers in particular, that the threshhold of projection and phantasy fascination was reached. In other words, you may know too much about them to be excited by them any longer. The bloom of 'newness' has faded with these ladies, and perhaps also with the whole theme of providers in general.

As to 'normal' adult development in our culture, being in one's late 40s can sometimes cause reflection and a pause in life. People sometimes have parents who are aging and perhaps even sickly or near death. This is the stage in our lives when we begin to retrospect at whatever we have accomplished in life. Many people become interested in deeper and spiritual issues - what sort of life has been lived so far, and where is it going - as well as becoming aware of one's mortality in a very palpable and sometimes painful way. Some individuals become actively religious. With these thoughts, a creeping conservatism may set it. Subconsciously, we fear death because we know it will happen to us. That death fear may take many shapes or forms. There is also a wish for things as they were in the past, a certain kind of nostalgia and a rejection of current values and trends in popular culture. Conversely, some may engage in activities or relationships with younger people in the unconscious desire to extend life, often through sex or love affairs with those whose age difference is considerable.

In addition, being in one's late 40s does have some physical effects. For men, testosterone levels aren't quite as high as they were a mere decade ago. This doesn't mean that you need to lose your sex drive...but your sexual experience may take on a different flavor. The release in itself may not carry the same weight as it has in the past. Maybe the journey is now more interesting than the destination. Also, the impulse to "chase" may diminish. The desire to find new and available providers may simply not be as strong. At some point, "mastering the object" is no longer important, because the 'object has been mastered - over and over again.' It's as if you were to visit an amusement park that gave you loads of pleasure as a child - as you approach the rides, you quickly notice the absence of that thrill, that 'whooosh' in your stomach. There's no longer any mystery or fascination. You see things as they are, filtered by years of experience and repetition. And yes, that can happen with 'the hobby' as well.

Now, if you are happy in accepting that this change has taken place, so be it. It's no worse than realizing you need reading glasses, or that listening to the latest Metallica album no longer is that exciting. You had some good times, you made a few friends [but can you introduce them to your wife, that's the crux ] and nothing adverse happened from it. But you may also find that this is a temporary phase. If your wife's sex drive continues to mismatch yours, maybe you'll be back in the hobbying saddle before you know it.

Just a thought,
the Love Goddess

Very true whtat LG had to say and if I were you, I'd go to my doctor to get a complete blood test and do check your testerone level. It might be fine.
You may be experiencing Male Menopause...  

And while you're there seeing your doctor, don't forget to ask and walk out with as many free samples of drugs you can get.
That's what I do, I ask for Vitamin C, V and L, along with as many sleep aids as my doc will give me.
You may not need nor use them but they will come in handy to barter or trade for other stuff.   Lots of guys have way too much ego or pride to go to the doctor and ask for some erection drugs, not to mention the sleep problems.      

If everything in the blood is ok, I really think you're bored with the girls. Change your routine since it sounds like you might be in a rut. I don't know how you can say your sex drive is healthy if you have zero interest in seeing any providers.
Would it make a difference if they didn't charge you?

We are not robots alhtough we always constantly look back and compare. Our bodies are built that way, to notice and detect change. As LG explained, as we age, our bodies do change and usually not for the better. Ok, some things might be better. But not much.
We do expect ourselves to be the same, every day from last week to last month. But we really aren't.
Why?
Because that's being human and not a machine.

RH

Thanks LG and RH.  As I read your replies I realized there are two things that I am relieved about since not seeing any providers (its been only a few weeks but for me thats a LONG time).  The two changes are 1- I don't have to lie and make up alibis about where I've been and 2-I am not spending lots of cash selfishly.  These are the things that I never liked about the hobby and I feel a sense of relief now.

What triggered my pulling away from the hobby is the disappointment I felt with two providers whom I had provided some barter services and who did not fully repay me (with their time) and no longer answer my attempts to see them.  It happened twice and really upset me.  The relief of the guilt that I mentioned above was also part of it but I didn't realize it until I stopped the activity.

It seems psychologically complex and I'm just now understanding how this has occured.

-- Modified on 7/19/2006 5:52:11 AM

it would sure make a difference to me if they did not charge! (LOL)

Another good example of why it's not a great idea to blur boundaries. Bartering for a service where payment is usually the norm turns out this way more often than not. In this case, it left you with a bad taste in your mouth [and apparently in the proverbial wallet as well.] The whole activity became tinged with those icky-sticky feelings. Ceasing the activity relieved you of any attendant guilt which previously was repressed, but now came to the surface.

Good learning experience and good work, Lost Interest,
the Love Goddess

You have pinpointed it exactly and helped me to validate what I have thought but could not put it into words as precise as yours'.  Thank you.

I would expect that as time passes and the "icky-sticky" feelings become less intense, I will once again want to play in the hobby.  At home my sex life is not nearly as frequent as I want but very "nice" when it does occur.  I just need it alot more often than my wife and she kind of denies it because I "want it way too much" according to her.

Now I have lost the interest to hobby but my interest in masturbation is healthy and has become my main source of relief.

Thanks for your insight.  I'm very impressed with how succinctly you explained it.  It is not as complicated as I thought now that I read your explanation.

Maybe we should take a poll or even bet how long it takes for you to lose interest in masturbation...

Its been around 40 years and still haven't lost interest in masturbation.  Its a bet that you shouldn't take but thanks for your interest.  lol.

Masturbation was our 'this is the greatest feeling in the world' introduction to sexual ecstasy.  It became and remains our fall-back activity of sexual release and relief. As such it will be part of our sexual activity forever.  But I think that the underlying meaning of Rockhard's message is that sooner or later masturbation won't provide the required level of sexual release that you desire.  You will have a burning desire for the real thing before long.  So I don't think this is a question of boredom but rather a question of what provides the most fulfilling release at the time.  For many males this is a moving target and our patterns run somewhat in cycles.                      

-- Modified on 7/20/2006 4:39:42 PM

I agree with you.

LI

Ever consider the contortion required to satify security safety for the providers can eventually take the edge off or pursuing the hobby.

Whn fun becomes work, it is no longer fun!