and if you want to decline answering, I can fully understand, but...

Have you ever provided?

If so, do you feel the experience enhanses your skills to comment on the the questions you receive here, or alternately, do you feel the lack of such experience hampers you to some extent?

I think your responses are dynamite and I would guess that you did (or do?).  If not, then you are truly an exceptional individual.

I did therapy many a year ago with a man who had many interesting (for want of a better word) life experiences.  He was very unconventional but for me (and others who led me to him) he was extremely effective in helping us put our lives together (both men and women!).

I asked him once why he put himself in the postitions that he did and he said that he can not lead unless he's been where the follower wants to go.  In other words, knowledge is not gained just by reading a book and listening to others' experiences.  One must face and experience those situation personally to be able to guide.

Would you agree?

-- Modified on 11/4/2006 5:23:47 PM

Hi again, mrfisher

As a professional therapist, I don't agree with the premise that "one must face and experience those situations personally to be able to guide."

If that were the case, we wouldn't have any male gynecologists...or female urologists, just as an example. How can a male obstetrician [or a female nulliparous such] "know" what it's like to give birth? How can we treat murderers, rapists and other criminals psychotherapeutically without ever having committed the same acts?

I will give you an even more literal example. I have a few transgender female therapy clients who have transferred to my practice after having had transsexual therapist(s). In those cases, therapeutic discussions revealed that the clients felt "overrun" by the other therapist's opinion and experiences, since she felt that there was only one way to experience transgendered life - hers. This was a therapist who "overidentified" with her clients, and "projected" her own feelings onto her clients.

When we work with clients therapeutically, empathy and understanding of the client's particular emotional processes carry much greater weight than if we the therapists have performed the same actions. In addition, when we work with the same client population over and over again, we gain knowledge of both "process and content." Meaning, we eventually learn the outside mechanics of their actions, but also the meaning behind them.

In this case, it is entirely possible to provide "dynamite responses" without having charged a fee for sexual acts. What my profession demands from me, is that I treat my countertransference and my projections with internal honesty and avoidance of "bad faith" [lying to yourself], in order to understand and empathize with both hobbyists and providers.

And now for some levity: If you twist my arm, I suppose there there's one thing I have in common with FS providers, and that is having put a zillion notches in my bedpost...When I think back on the bounty that was available to a cute, hair shaking, Zeppelin-digging chick in the early, early 70s, it adds up. We used to count'em out loud...now I just wonder why everyone back then was named Mike?

A Whole Lotta Love to you,
the Love Goddess

Have you ever had a provider under your treatment? If so, has she spent a good amount of regular time under your care?

Andi

As always, an honest, satisfying and interesting response.

Dear Andi,

Yes, providers are and have always been included in my patient population. Just like any other clients, some have stayed in therapy for several years; others remained until their immediate treatment issues resolved, and then moved on.


the Love Goddess

I remember those years, but I do not remember using the name Mike (maybe). Bummer that I was not on your island, then.
Second thought: "aufgeschoben ist nicht aufgehoben" (postponed is not cancelled) -[smirk]

ski

I had relative to bedpost notches: what about a thread on "memorable sex". Styled somewhere in between a review and a mini-essay (as written after a school fieldtrip). True stories only, participants identities, places disguised if appropriate. If such is germane to this board, I am willing to start it.

Zeppelin?  And all this time I thought you were a Yardbird's girl"!

I wanted to ask you a question, but as safe as we all are to talk freely here, the question I need to ask is not appropriate for public consumption because I don't want to lose business nor do I want to upset anyone.

So, if you will please email me, you can reach me at [email protected]. I hope you can/will.

Much thanks,

Andi

Dear Andi,

Thank you so much for your vote of confidence in me. While I appreciate it very much, I have made it my policy not to send PMs or do private email exchanges with TER members. My postings, while done to the best of my professional capacity, are "for entertainment only" on TER.  Hence, I do not engage in emails or conversation off-board, since it would not be fair to the rest of the many posters who also may have questions.

My suggestion is that you wait a while, create an alias, and then ask the question from behind a reasonably safe screen of anonymity. Otherwise, I am available for in-person appointments in my Southern California practice.

I am sorry I can't help more directly. I hope this does not create a problem for you.

the Love Goddess

Dear 2ski469,
I think readers of the General Discussion board might enjoy such postings. Please feel free to start a thread on that board at any time...

Let them have all the good memories,
the Love Goddess