and that is what is motivating you.

My advice is to drop any thought of her from your mind and move on.

My guess is that you are not going to take that advice - I've been there and done that too.  (And I bet I go there again.)

Dear learningtojuggle,

Here's my relationship advice to you: Listen to "mrfisher." Aside from that, I wouldn't invest one more minute in this issue, unless you want to torment yourself endlessly in terms of 'will she, won't she'. Now, if she does "reach out" to you for another paid sexual service appointment, just go about your sexual encounter and don't get roped into any more emotional discussions. And if she wants to "reach out" to you because she wants you to be her boyfriend, then write back - you'll have a whole host of new issues to deal with.

Stop hoping and start desiring - someone else,
The Love Goddess

God, I hate that word, but it fits.

Been seeing a provider for about a year, not that often, every month or two, but with regularity. I like her, we got along sexually and had some good conversations. Seemed to be going well. The last time we met turned into a strange marathon, though, with weird interruptions, some memories shared by her, some tears (again on her side). A little more personal than I like, but it was a time of some transition for her and I was happy to be there for her, in whatever way she needed then.

Since then I made two appointments to meet, and both times she canceled within an hour or two of our date because she was not feeling well (different sicknesses, different causes, same result). The first time she apologized at some length, and I told her it was not a problem. Second time, I just told her not to worry, by which I meant, don't worry because I will not bother you again.

It made me sad (a little time has passed now), but I find it hard to accept that two times in a row is just a simple coincidence. If it is a coincidence, the ball is in her court to get past it, IMO. She did not offer to make it up to me, did not push to reschedule, offered no assurances that it would not happen again. Just an apology and a brief explanation, "I feel like a jerk, but I am having these problems..." Made an effort to apologize at length, nothing more.

I have moved on, and plan to keep moving on unless she reaches out to me (which she pretty much has never done, so I am not holding my breath), and even then I am not at all sure how to respond. This is P4P after all. If I cannot deliver the pay, or she does not deliver the play, there is not a lot left (not saying I do not consider her a friend, but it never went beyond the paid time we spent together).

So I think that sums up the situation. Is there any reason why I should reach out to her, give her a chance for strike three? If she does end up reaching out to me, how should I reply? Make a big deal about the cancellations and insist on some assurance, some compensation, just go on as if nothing happened, or something else? I do know she is continuing to work, or at least trying to work. I have intentionally not followed her so as to avoid being tempted, but another hobbyist who knows about most of this has updated me.

The last meeting was a little messy, a little more personal than it should be. And it feels like that has just continued. I have decided the right response is to step back, let her lead us now, whether she wants to make up for the cancellation, or just let it lie. But there is this tiny doubt, this little question, a bit of hope and desire. What would you do? What should I do?

TIA

I have a system of multiple regulars. It has not been easy to connect with new ladies (not connect in terms of making a date, but in terms of having a really good, really into it, experience) over the past few weeks, but I have had a great time with my one remaining regular, as well as an excellent time with a traveling lady that I have seen a few times and really like - I suppose she is a regular, too.

So I do not need to "work out the issues" with my (former?) friend, do not want or need the drama. I do miss her and am saddened that this happened, but it is inevitable, isn't it, in this world? Even if some of this may not have been a conscious choice on her part, she is aware of how it ends, that it ends here unless one of us makes an effort to get past it. She has made a choice, and I am disposed to respect that choice. Polite apologies, mild pleasantries are only a civilized way to gently close the book, and that is where we left it. No confrontations, no inconvenient displays of emotion.

My main concern is whether I am being too harsh, not a good friend, something like that. Not saying I would not make a fool of myself over a provider, just not here, not now. The question is whether I should check in and see how she is doing, offer some support. I think the answer is no, and am fine with that.

My real task is to find a second, local regular. My one regular can, and knows she can, wrap me around her finger any time she wishes. Truly a wonderful, dangerous, intoxicating woman, so I need to be very careful - performing without a safety net, so to speak.

Sounds like you've fallen for a provider and you're trying to get up.  Seems like you're almost there, I would you're on your knees, a round of sport fucking and I think you'll be standing again. Good luck!