good words from kinky, love is great when there is no responsibility, lunch, love, and she talks to you like she cares about you. Great leave it at that. That sounds great.
As for telling her? What are u gonna after that, tell her to quit the hobby, divorce your wife, support her since there is no hobby income, pay divorce attorneys, etc. Well if u want the hassle, go for it.
I suggest u keep on seeing her till the relationship runs it course.
Started seeing a provider about 8 months ago and the minute I walked into her place I knew I was in trouble. I've been seeing her regularly and have developed a friendship. Lunch outside of sessions. I am married, and she is also, albeit, an open marriage. (Her husband has a couple girl friends.) Mine isn't. I'm really developing some deep feelings for her which has never happened before with any provider. Not sure how to handle it. Stop seeing her? Confronting her with it? (She probably already knows...she's not dumb.) Any thoughts? I'm sure this is common.
One very important question: Do you love your wife?
Other important questions: What do you expect that you are going to get by telling this woman you lover her? Is she going to leave her husband? Are you prepared to leave your wife? Will continuing to see her destroy your marriage? and Finally how valuable is your marriage to you?
If you are not happy at home and are looking for a way out you need to sack up and tell your wife you are done. If you are happy at home then let sleeping dogs sleep. Enjoy your time with the provider and show her you care about her in other ways and rest assured that she cares for you also.
good words from kinky, love is great when there is no responsibility, lunch, love, and she talks to you like she cares about you. Great leave it at that. That sounds great.
As for telling her? What are u gonna after that, tell her to quit the hobby, divorce your wife, support her since there is no hobby income, pay divorce attorneys, etc. Well if u want the hassle, go for it.
I suggest u keep on seeing her till the relationship runs it course.
Couldn't have said it better myself....
Yup, daddy4u069,
It's so common that I'm planning on petitioning the mayor's office for an official proclamation of "Falling in Love with Provider Day" in the City of Los Angeles!
Now to your specific situation: I think you've got a very good suggestion in your posting: Confronting her with it - although 'confronting' is not exactly the word I was envisioning. 'Disclosing' or 'sharing' might be a less adversarial term, maybe.
You'd be surprised what you imagine people know...only to find out that a person may have no clue as to your exact emotions. I think it's a good idea to tell her, and let her take it from there. It's also good for you to share the truth with her. That way, you will be able to take responsibility for your feelings and to act accordingly upon hearing her response.
Since none of us know the lady in question, it's pretty difficult to assess what she might say or do. If she wants to continue seeing you, maybe she'll lay down some parameters for you to follow, as a client. She may stop seeing you, or, she may want to marry you, who knows?
In any case, honesty is the best policy here. Just remember that being in love is not the same as loving. I'd weigh my options very carefully before proceeding with making any final decisions.
That's it, I'm calling our mayor tomorrow,
the Love Goddess
daddy4u69,
It might helpful you to know my own experience. I have found enormous relief from gradually coming to realize that I can truly love more than one woman at the same time.
I love my my wife, who is my best friend and my professional partner. We've been together for many decades and have wonderful children.
I love also just a few providers, who have become friends, who give me sexual validation that my wife simply can't, and have, to some degree, become genuine friends.
Yes, romantic feelings can get intense. And American culture almost forces one to believe that "It has to be one or the other; you can't love two people at the same time."
But the fact is: there can be more than one. There's no reason why your love for your provider, and possibly her love for you, can't go on indefinitely, while both of you continue married to other people.
Love is really a general term for different emotions covering different feelings. You can 'love' your mother, your sister, your wife and your part-time mistress(es) all at the same time, in different ways.
You don't have to let any inner voice persuade you you can't do this. You can do what you want and act upon that, if you wish. The moral decision is yours alone. There are no thunderbolts that will come down to dictate what you have to decide here.
I agree that discussing your feelings with her is entirely appropriate...as long as you understand (a) you don't really how know she feels, so( b) you must be prepared for her reaction, whatever it might be. She may want to stop seeing you, or she might tell you she feels the same way.
You are not alone.
Is this helpful?
BG
I very much agree that a person can experience loving more than one person and love each one differently. And it should NOT be considered a no-no.....it's a fact of life that most of society wants to ignore. The big decision is how you want to act on each situation. Be aware that you may scare this provider away if you express your feelings.
I actually have thought that I was "falling in love" with a client. But when he started making noises about leaving his wife my feelings changed. I felt safe the way we were.....enjoying each others company and GREAT sex........but evidently am not ready for commitment. Just weigh things carefully, enjoy the moment.
-- Modified on 2/23/2007 7:17:44 PM
Excellent post. I've found that, after more than a decade of extremely trying times due to family and professional issues, my capacity to love unconditionally has increased. I now find myself pretty deeply 'in love' with a small number of women and each relationship is unique. Some involve sex, some don't.
I've found that my life has been enriched immeasurably by engaging in these relationships, but only as long as I don't try to make them anything but what they are. My SO is still awfully significant! In fact, my relationsip with my SO has been enhanced a great deal by my being able to engage in these other relationships. In a perfect world, this could be completely above board, but that's not gonna happen any time soon.
As we learn how to enjoy each relationship for the unique thing that it is, we can become better able to fully participate in the time, brief or long, that we have with others who are significant to us. Sometimes and hour or two or six or twelve every once in a while is all we need to sustain a very productive and loveing relationship.
I ran into a similar situation just recently - and I'm glad there's some discussion - because this is definitely a risk - that just thinking you're going to hobby along...low and behold you find a soul mate.
That's what happened to me just recently - either that or I'm just smitten. Still trying to figure that out. Like you I knew I was in trouble the minute she opened the door - drop dead gorgeous and well...there was just this synergy.
I think many have given you some very good ideas. Unless you decide this person is it, you are potentially opening up pandora's box. Think about what you have to gain and what you have to loose. There is potentially ALOT to loose - including your friend who, when given an ultimatum, may just go underground.
I think part of the allure of hobbying is doing something that is out of the ordinary - unfamiliar. The minute you decide you want to "own" somebody, the unfamiliar becomes familiar and with that, alot of the intensity that makes your relationship something to dream about.
I don't spend too much time thinking about what religeous zealots will say about hobbying. Religon is man made. In reality, nobody really owns anything in this world, including another person, or your wife. I do wonder about the karmatic effects of hobbying, but I guess I'll figure that out in this life, or another maybe. Who knows, maybe I'll be the wife of a man who hobbys...that's the way karma works.
Oh well, I say...go slow...take it easy. Enjoy your time with your friend...as my brother once said "why buy a cow when the price of milk is so cheap"....
Something to think about...
That there have been a couple of instances reported on TER in the last year of providers marrying their clients, so love not only happens, it seems to work out well in some cases.
Of course I'm not suggesting you follow suit, just that it is not the big no-no that people often regard it.
My own situation is that both Bev and I were divorced, so no messy other spouse problems to overcome; and we are still as happy as clams coming on two years.
Sometimes just acknowledging that your heart has been opened is enough. Remember the daily grind of each partners expectations can ruin the remembrance of a blissful fantasy.
Why pass up a chance for a broken heart? I've loved to some degree a couple of providers, even though we could never be together. Just don't form an attachment where you feel you need this person. Enjoy her and let her go when the time comes.
"Hearts are meant to be Broken"
Oscar Wilde
If you want to stay married I suggest that you break off the relationship. Bottom line if you are have sex with someone multiple times feelings will develop. Those feelings can cause people to fall in love. Once one person decides to depart because they did not expect to fall in love, things can get ugly. Maybe that is why some guys decide not to see a provider more than once or they decide not to spend more on a provider than the would for an engagement ring.
Hi, I just had to throw my pennies in because her side concerns me as well. What if she did feel the same way about you? And then what if you were caught by your wife? That's when you would have to make a decision. I don't think most men are prepared to leave their wives once they're caught. You would have to give this provider up, obviously and that's why we are continuously on guard from these situations. I am curious what answer you are seeking.