Dear LG, I need your precious feedback.
Let me give you some background: I am a rare hobbyist (about 9 times total), mostly due to being kind of "on the moment type of guy" and fear of legal problems, so essentially hobby only overseas where I won't loose my career and where I have quick easy access to amazing women when horniness beats superego (having to plan in advance here makes it hard for me to do it). I have been in a relationship with the same person for 15 years. I was shy back in my late teens and early 20's, it was love at first sight and settled down quickly (she was and still is amazing though). Let's say never had the chance to "explore the world" as much as I wish I had done. I am still young and in the best physical shape of my life, with my career booming and great social life. I love her but passion is long gone. Not sure if the type of love I have now is more like what one has for a brother or a sister; would die for her but that powerful light in the brain has been shut for a while. Have no kids. Since the spark with her disappeared sex has not been the same (actually fairly rare now and quite repetitive)even though she is still gorgeous and fun.
I have avoided getting a mistress because I don't want the drama, am too busy, would be almost impossible to keep it up emotionally and logistically and (maybe I am fooling myself) I see that as a higher level of betrayal. Got into the hobby very shy 4 years ago. The occasional compensated date opened a new world for me and allowed to reconnect better with my partner (guilt?, liberation?). I guess less feelings on resentment about the commitment if I could have an occasional escapade. Had a couple of so so experiences (one bait ans switch, one boring) but the rest were amazing encounters. Had fun, enjoyed it and went back to life having a pleasant memorie of the girl.
Just came back from a long international trip where I visited 3 providers. First 2 were spectacular; gorgeous girls, PSE, unforgetable. left happy as a puppy. On my last day I made another date at this amazing location and the unexpected happened. The sex was great but there was something unique about her and we started chatting and chatting. Ended up staying a second hour only for that. I know I may be fooling myself but i think we connected at a different level. She asked me for my email address (hasn't written yet - it's been 4 days; maybe never will). What scares me is that she is in my head now. Never thought that could happen. I am probably idealizing our encounter or our chat but what I felt or how she made feel was just unbelievable. I don't know what this means. It's true that I am more of the emotional type. But does this means that i am not just looking for a good time?. I thought the fears of the hobby were health and legal first, never thought emotional aspects could become so powerful or disorienting. After falling like this I am even starting to think if it's a signal for a need to call off my long term relationship or revisit what I really want. That thought scares the hell out of me. Maybe time will get me back to where I was or maybe another date will, but I am afraid I may have uncovered a deeper issue.
your thoughts will be much appreciated.

Deeper issue, didntseeitcoming?

No deeper than the universal truth, which is that rampaging passion for one specific person is evolutionarily programmed to burn out - and then you have to decide to stick around or to leave and start up the process with someone else.

Mercifully, you're no different from the average guy out there, whether we're talking about falling out of passion with your wife, or into passion with a provider. In fact, you are the confirming statistic of the month, the help-I've-fallen-in-love-with-a-provider-and-can't-get-up posting that comes up with predictable frequency.

I'm sorry for sounding jaded, but this situation is so common that I wouldn't even sweat it. Please understand that you have had a pleasant but paid encounter with a prostitute and that now you get to choose: you can either leave your wife and pursue a lifestyle as a bachelor who fucks and sucks with no obligation toward anyone, or you can stray, lay and stay if you are capable of separating love and sex (which you already seem to have done, judging by your experiences so far).

My advice: go out there, fuck about another 20 providers or so, and then come back and tell me how you feel. Pretty soon, the newness of fresh meat will become predictable in itself - and paradoxically, that's when your head is clear enough to start making some decisions.

Fuhgeddabout the provider and her emails - I think you understand why,

The Love Goddess

LG, This has to be one of your best quotes. For the op, the perscription of sport f#@king works, my perscription is about to run out, and my symptons are just about gone.

Thanks LG. Exactly the slap I needed Will do and get back to you in a few months
best,

I have this happen to me at least once a year or more.

Just enjoy it, let the chemical rush subside, and then move on.

In other words, don't let it make you do anything rash or foolish.

I'm involved with this with a fairly new provider right now.  She's sending poetry to me for God's sake.  I love it, but recognize it for what it is.  It's like having my cake and eating it too.

We understand each other and adore each other and communicate about each others' lives daily, but we are totally seperate in how we hobby, etc.

She understands and appreciates.the dopamine response as well as anyone.