What a fool I have been, this is really embarrassing, but what the hell . After four times seeing this provider , I discovered she was engaged , was wearing a ring all that time and I was too stupid to notice it or who knows what I was thinking . So this bothered me , and I cancelled our meeting for the weekend , informed her I really was not wanting to see her anymore,because this fool thought he had a chance at maybe dating . I know you guys are laughing your ass off, but we are all fools at one time or another in life . The thing is , we got along great, always mentioning everyone as a friend, I got no indication she was seeing someone at all, this always had me wondering though,as we text-ed and spoke on the phone a fair amount . Anyway, she asked if we could still be friends, we are 3 hours away from each other anyway, I said I really didn't want to do that, so that is how it was left , until Sunday . I get a text saying , should I contact you if I become single again ? What is anyone's take on this foolish encounter of mine , stay friends, forget her and move on to another foolish encounter ? As you can see , this is a typical move a conservative Republican would do !

so you might want to take this advice cautiously, but I don't see this working out.

You are a guy who cherishes the illusion and in this respect, you are not alone.  Nor are you off base really.  What kid would enjoy Christmas if he saw his dad changing into the Santa costume just before Santa's visit?

This is one reason why so many providers keep their personal lives private.  Quite frankly I'm shocked that she wore her ring.

Perhaps she thought this would be a good way to discourage potential suitors from getting interested.  I've heard that some gals deliberately wear rings for this purpose even if they aren't married or otherwise engaged.  (Lesbians have been doing this for years.)

Maybe some guys are turned on by the thought of being with someone else's gal.  I have to admit it has a devilishly delightful lilt to it.  How do you even know that she is telling you the truth about her engagement?

What's really odd is her offer to see you if she becomes single again.  Maybe it's a ploy to get back your business.

But, in any case, the magic is gone for you so set your sights on another.  There are a lot of gals out there and who knows, maybe one of them has your name on them, so to speak.

Happy hunting.

Indeed, badger4,

I almost wanted to move this posting to the General Discussion board; there, you would be exposed to more posters in sheer numbers, and probably more opinions. The rules here are that you need to ask The Love Goddess a question, not your fellow TER members. But, since this posting describes a turn of events that could use a dose of the LG's tough love - and I really mean this in the hardest, most incisive, thirty lashes, stiletto-heel-in-the-gut sort of way - I'm going to let it stand.

As for you and any other of your potentially unlucky brethren reading this posting, here goes Commercial Sex 101 and its first commandment:

Thou shalt not mix one fucking business with another fucking business, even if the entire business is about fucking.

There. Simple. If you can't subscribe to this simple notion, then you can't play this game and must remove yourself from "the hobby." Forget about her and forget about "moving on to another foolish encounter." Clearly, this is not your gig - and I mean this in a very protective way.

And the research literature calls clients of female prostitutes "sexual predators.." HA!

Sorry badger4, but you asked for it,
The Love Goddess

...'course conservative Republicans and Catholics etc are notorious for their hypocracy! :-P  

The truth is- some girls lie about their relationships... They say they are single, when they aren't... they say they are in a relationship (to keep the men they see at a safe distance,) when they are actually single... They say they are dating a man, when  they are really dating a WOMAN... I mean, you DO realize that some escorts are LEGALLY MARRIED while they are working, right?  Or have children... families... personal lives... which they may or MAY NOT ever allude to during their time together with you?

Honestly, if you enjoy this girl, mind and body, you should live in the moment and savor the experience for the "no-strings attached" adventure that it is...

Of course THIS is coming from former Republican Catholic... who is currently a Democratic Socialist, Buddhist... so what do *I* know...

Your words...

My immediate reaction after reading your story is that you are not really prepared to enjoy P4P sex for what it is-Sex with no obligation on the part of either party for it to be more than that.

Ah, I know your story well having done it twice, once for a year or so and then last year again for about 3 months.

I do agree with LG in that I think there are some of us (and notice I say us) who are not cut out for P4P.  I think I am one of those.  I have stopped hobbying for a while, 6 months now, while I stop and figure out what it is I get from hobbying that makes it worth it for me.  

I guess if you told me you had done P4P before and then was just a fluke, then I would say party on but if this was your 1st escort, then you might want to consider quitting hobbying.

I do think if you stick with this girl, it will not end well.  She will either play you, or you will get jealous if she continues to work.  If she stops working, are you willing to support her???

Hope that gives you a little better idea of why people are telling you, you should move on.

 Thanks for the feedback, its about what I expected, some funny , some kicking my ass ! I think my whole problem is that I'm a 50 year old , never married good looking guy that has not dated in a long while .  As for the female in question, 41 , been at this 8 years , says she is retiring from this sometime later this year, which I only heard about last week , and has been married twice . I agree, I don't think this is a good hobby for a single guy, if I was married , it would be different, as it is like a candy bar to you married guys .

Why not text back sure and wish her luck .
If she calls back say it is to be a play friend

The game is you pay for sex, she gives it and goes away until you pay her again.

That doesn't mean beyond bounds relationships don't happen and can't be enjoyed....  simply means you have it mixed up and wrong if you are playing the P4P game hoping for 'foolish encounters'.

I've seen providers who lie about being married or having an SO so as not to freak out their hobbyists, and I have heard of ones saying they do have an SO to discourage foolish encounters.

If you can handle P4P solely for what it is and also handle the occasional time mutual feelings do develop and go beyond bounds knowing the odds say it won't last, then go for it.  The secret there is to be open to anything but have no hopes or expectations.   And when beyond bounds does happen,  hold it in an open hand and prepare to enjoy it for what it is as long as it lasts but not hurt too bad when it ends..... for the vast experience you'd have heard if you did post it on the GDB is against anything lasting.

For me.... I just happen to thoroughly enjoy close relationships with providers and fully enjoy their open nature and free and breezy spirits, as well as the strong independent wills most seem to have.  I am open to anything and have had some beyond bounds relationships.  The first one hurt when it ended.... badly.  After that, I've been able to enjoy and let go.

For you.... heed LG's advice for if you have to give up someone you enjoy seeing due to being confused it would hurt less if you didn't play at all..... sad!
 

I think your response has taken a lot of honesty and introspection FYI, it's not perfect for us married guys either. On some level, I would guess most (or at least many) hobby out of some loneliness that goes beyond P4P. So the field is strewn with land mines regardless of your marital status.

But if you're 50 and good looking, why can't you take a committed 18 month hiatus from the hobby scene and try dating? Is it that impossible? It's pretty clear that what you're looking for is a relationship. Not to disparage providers, but they are not the most obvious group to search among for a relationship. Wouldn't there be some way of building a relationship in the civie world? Or at least trying?

I want to commend you for airing your situation here.  After reading the comments I don’t disagree with any of the good advice that’s been sent your way; except  . . .  I would suggest exploring her last (and apparently unsolicited) text message as part of finally letting it go.  I’m a single guy who dates in real life while infrequently enjoying the excitement of meeting a provider (fantasy).  I’m about your age (a few years older), considered good looking and in great physical shape (and I’ve been married once).  I strongly disagree that married men are in a better position to enjoy providers without developing unhealthy attachments.  There’s a remote possibility she is uncertain about her new partner (if she really is engaged) and might actually want to explore something with you.  If you’re looking for a partner in life I think you’re better off dating civies; just remember, if your special service provider is not available for a real relationship any continued emotional attachment will prevent you from finding what you really want.  I’ll give you credit for already knowing all of this along with the other thoughtful comments provided here.  Thank you again for your honesty; it’s what makes this board so great (along with LG, our members, and providers).  Let us know what happens.

He could have texted back and wished her luck and said sure and left it at that
She might just call back in 6 months and he could say ya wanna play and make clear he ain't gonna give her any cash .
Nothing ventured nothing gained

Hi,

I"m a complete novice at hobbying, heck, I haven't seen a provider yet (which may or may not change real soon), - I'm still deciding whether or not P4P is for me. So take this for what it's worth.

If it were me, I would text back, saying, yes, contact me if you're ever single, and wish her well. Go about your business, and don't think about her. As others have suggested, get back in the dating game, because it does sound like you want a LTR.

If you wind up hearing from her, haven't found someone by then, and still have feelings for her, approach it as you would have had you never met.

Hey I take offense at that statement---actually you will find that more liberals feel the way you do. Womens and liberals brains have all interconnecting wires that make emotions run wild. Mens brains separate all things into boxes. One important box is the "Nuthin" box--how many times have you been sitting there just vegging and someone--usually a lady says--What you thinking about?  response "Nuthin !"  Even if you were thing about some other hot chick you really weren't lying--you were using your nuthin box.  Now if you don't have a nuthin box--you know you are really a women or liberal.  Just kidding.

Funny about the ring thing tho--I never notice what jewelry a lady or guy has on thier hands---women ALWAYS DO FROM 100 YARDS AWAY. Its amazing how good thier eyes are on this subject.

i have a lawyer friend who has told me that when he speaks to kids about joining the profession of barrister, they should prepare themselves to be lied to about everything from everybody, everytime.  and just make a decision about whether or not they can accept that.  

seems like sage advice to be also applied to the 'hobby'