Ok guys, I need some perspective here. On the road this week and planned a three day romantic visit with the unicorn in her city. We've only had two previous bcd meetings with passionate contact but no sex. I thought it was understood we were moving to next level this week. Texts and SA messages were flirtatious and my intentions were clear. Even forwarded half of the allowance to help with bills that were due. Great dinner first night but no bcd. Dinner second night was to be followed by night together at my hotel with champagne and strawberry breakfast. We got to room and I knew something was wrong when she sat in the single wingback chair instead of joining me on the couch in the suite. She proceeded to explain that because her parents divorced she didn't want to contribute to infidelity in my marriage. Admittedly, I had expressed reservation several months previously about that and had worked it through and then she spooked. Lunch the next day and relationship over. Problem is that I kind of caught the feels. I told her more about the details of my life than anyone but my wife. Real names and total transparency. I'll get past this but I'm left disillusioned. Ghosted earlier in the week by someone else. Two new POTS who want to meet. But I'm realizing that while the marketing for sugar sites tries to make it about real connection with allowance, I'm thinking it's all a con. I was really looking for a relationship with mutual benefits, but it's really about money for the babies and sex for the daddies, isn't it. So do I ever risk being that transparent again? Or with future "relationships" do I just maintain the phony name and state of residence and enjoy the pU$$Y without feeling like a wick who has just exploited a vulnerable young lady? Sorry for dumping, but I'd love to hear from you. Any ladies out there to add another view?

The idea that you could spend any length of time and not develop any fealings one way or the other would mean that there are some psychological issues. OTOH I like to refer to sugarland as the world of broken toys. So you can understand  that and continue or you can move on. But finding a hot, smartlady 20 or 30 years younger than you who also happens to not have baggage is unlikely.

This is a really interesting post which touches on a bunch of different themes in the Sugar Bowl. You know you fucked up by advancing her 50% of the Sugar in advance and before intimacy, but since you don't seem concerned about the $$ and that's not really the gist of your post, so it doesn't really make sense to talk about it at length... other than to say, for most all ppm arrangements, the $$ is NEVER given until after you all do the deed.  

The real point of your post is to ask if you can have a "real" relationship in the Sugar Bowl and my general answer is NO. It's not impossible, but it's also not really the reason that SA exists for.  

By design, the Sugar Bowl is supposed to be for NSA FWB arrangements... and a "relationship" is a "string" that these girls DO NOT WANT for the most part. Connection?... yes, definitely. Friendship?... yes, probably with the right girl(s). Relationship?... NO.  

I am like you in that I love the Sugar Bowl bc it seems more organic and "connections" can seem more authentic and seem less contrived than the hobby. That being said though, I think the best you can hope for from an arrangement is a mutual respectful friendship rather than a "relationship". Relationships come with strings and those come with feelings and feelings complicate things. Most SBs are looking for some casual fun in bed to go with some income and spoiling that they wouldn't normally get from their loser boyfriends. Expecting a relationship from them is unrealistic imo and you are setting yourself up for disappointment if you go in looking for a relationship. There are girls who's profiles say they want a longer-term relationship, but if you are already married, I think you might need to reexamine what you are looking for and how much you can give to a real relationship anyways (probably not much).  

My advice to you would be to continue in the Bowl but not put so many expectations on things. Be casual. Enjoy some fun dates with some variety. If you find another SB that you connect with, by all means continue to repeat with her, but understand she wants something casual with no strings and honestly that's what you should want too. It would be great to find a cool hottie to have friends with benefits with... but just keep it at the friend level. She's not your GF and she likely doesn't want to be so don't force that on her. You can be yourself and be genuine without putting false pretenses or reading too much into things.  

GL

-jungle

You just need to expand your horizons, contact more SBs, and push for what you want.  The woman whom you extended 50% on spec exploited you.  It doesn't have to be that way.  You don't need to be an asshole (in fact, counterproductive), you just need to align your spend with actual results, and make sure that's confirmed up front, before the date -- not in a smarmy, transactional way, but in a gentlemanly yet candid conversation about your expectations.

Based on a few rounds in the sugar world, you have this spot one.  Mutually respectful friendship captures it perfectly.  And in one case I have been able to translate that into an occasional rendezvous with a former SB who I see every few months on a ppm basis and we both have a great time.  If I could find 4 or 5 such situations it would be perfect.

Most SBs say they don't want one, but it's unclear what they mean.  Any friendship is some sort of relationship, right, if we take the word at its literal meaning.  I think what they want to avoid is the kind of possessive, jealous dramatic relationships they've endured with former loser lovers.  I do think that if your boundaries are clear you can enjoy a really deep and emotionally satisfying friendship with a Sugar Baby.  I've had several that were much more than casual affairs.  I actually have a date set for tomorrow with one such young woman who has shared fears and tears with me and made me feel like a treasured deeply connected friend, not just an atm she can fuck for money.  I am totally transparent with her and don't regret it for one second.

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