Dear LG,

I'm 38 years old but I've been feeling my sex drive is significantly reduced. I tested my testosterone, free testosterone 65 pg/mL and total testosterone 335 ng/dL. My doc says it's within normal range and nothing to worry about, really? But given my decreased libido, I don't feel normal. Should I talk to another doc?

Depressed DB

Yes, deerbull,

Absolutely. You should speak to a psychiatrist and perhaps to a psychotherapist to make sure there are no other issues such as depression - after all, you have signed yourself as "depressed."

This is not the right forum to explore all your personal matters, but  there may be other issues in your life that affect your sex drive. Some of those are:

1. Diet
2. Other meds/drugs
3. Job stress
4. Sleep
5. Finances
6. Emotional issues such as boredom in relationships, anger, grief, loneliness

And most of all, the EXPECTATION that as a man, you're always horny and ready to have sex. With middle age does come a calming down of sorts - all of a sudden, it's not necessarily the destination but the journey that begins to matter.

Still, I think it would be beneficial for you to see another doc to rule out psychological symptoms in addition to the ones listed above.

Hope that helps,
The Love Goddess

Male sex drive/response is a continuum that changes from puberty all the way up to old age.  It only seems to be constant for the first 20 years or so, because in most men it's strong enough to overcome all the things on the list contained in LG's post.

But around your age, the things on that list start to make their presence felt.  I had an exceptionally high sex drive, so it hit me a few years later (around 45), but suddenly, it seemed like everything was affecting my performance and drive, whereas in the past, it seemed like nothing did.

Even things like sitting in a hot tub, OTC cold remedies, drinking alcohol at dinner, or riding my motorcycle, now had implications.  I can't speak to any medical aspect of this situation, but don't underestimate the effect that the items on that list can have on an otherwise normal and healthy middle-aged man.

Of course, you don't tell us anything about yourself, so there's no way to say more than that.  But change is the only constant regarding the male sex drive.  If you're like many middle-aged men, your awareness of what your body is telling you will increase from this point forward.  This is something women know all too well, but men usually don't think much about until middle-age.

As a humorous aside, I used to put a soft pink lightbulb in my bedroom lamp when I had a romantic evening planned, in order to make it more flattering for the lady I was hopping to see naked in my bed.  Then one day I realized it was I, not the women, that needed the flattering light to look good.  Things change and an important part of aging is learning how to deal with it gracefully.

I never did the deed with the light on until I saw a provider. She really taught me a lot about myself and even though it took a while to ease into, now my wife and I make love, and do the deed, with the light on (a very dim one) and I can't even express the joy I feel just looking at her while we are together.  Let the light shine brother.