Dear undefined77,

Without taking a thorough sexual history, it would be impossible to say "what's really wrong." Two episodes of anorgasmia or ejaculatory incompetence do not something "wrong" make. It could be anything - the condom, chemistry incompatibility (even if you thought the girls were "hot"), masturbating a few days prior to seeing the provider, stress, diet, being tired...the list goes on.

One thing is that for some, 60 minutes is too short to interact sexually with a woman. It creates pressure, performance anxiety and can get less "natural" than hanging out for an evening and relaxing together, with final culmination in a sexual experience.

If  you really want to gauge your orgasmic capability, stop masturbating for 30 days and then see someone. If you still can't come, let us all know.

Fretting and worrying surely makes it worse,
The Love Goddess

Okay so let's start with little background. I'm in my early 30's, perfectly heathy. I have no problems getting aroused or getting a really hard but for the past two times I haven't been able come. Both ladies were really hot. With both of them we spent pretty much a full hour of having sex in different positions but still I just couldn't finish. With the last one I didn't even get close. Not even with her amazing oral performance.
With the first one we speculated that I might be somehow addicted to spinners but the second one (a really beautiful spinner) defunct that theory.
I also though that the fact that I had unloaded myself just few days before the first occurrence might have something to do with it but this time I abstained for a whole week. That was hard. Now can finish myself just fine but kinda defeats the purpose of seeing a provider.
So please tell me what the heck is wrong with me and how do I get past it.

With the first one there was definitely chemistry. I'm not stressed and well my diet has not changed. An hour has always been plenty of time and there has't been any need to rush. Are you nuts? I couldn't possibly go 30 days without. Maybe I need to see less often providers as now it's been about 3 times a month. I wasn't really worried about it until it happened again. My next visit will be to my first ATF as there we have great chemistry.

If I were you, undefined77,

I wouldn't ask such an insulting question. There are individuals who engage in atypical masturbatory patterns who need to abstain for 60 days, not just 30. That may be "nuts" for you, but that doesn't give you a reason to come here and make insulting statements.

With that kind of attitude, Lord knows what unconscious feelings transpired in the bedroom,
The Love Goddess

http://classic.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=17746&boardID=20&page=1

Sorry it was not my intention to insult anyone. I do understand that everyone is different and what is normal for me might not be for someone else.  Maybe I do really need to abstain for a longer time and try to focus on doing something else. Thanks for your thoughts.

... but I sure as hell know better, not to ask someone who has spend her entire adult life about learning and teaching in the fields of psychology, psychotherapy and sex therapy, as " are you nuts?"

FWIW, the Goddess's advice fits perfectly right into my own particular dilemma and it is what I really needed to know for my own self assurance. Yes, I have found out that brief encounters of less than an hour with escorts without any prior introduction history, with the premise of "wham-bam, thank you-Ma'am" have done nothing positive for my already suffering libido. I have even tried low dosage of ED tablets which basically gave me nothing more than a major hang-over type headache and lessened my natural ability to stay hard and to finish off. To those of us like me who seem to suffer from psychogenic issues, rather than anything physical, LG's contributions on TER are really appreciated very, very much.

As for the OP, if wanking and seeing your ATF does the trick for you for sure, then more power to you and your wanking wrist/hand

If I read between the lines, I can clearly see myself.  
First off, let's start with the basics.  Protected sex reduces sensation.  I have come to prefer thin premium condoms.  They need to move on the inside; the only friction that counts is the friction on your side of the condom.  There must be enough room & enough lube inside...  while being tight enough to stay on.  My favorite is when a lady applies it with her mouth, it's slippery enough inside.  

You may have performance anxiety.  I have a partial spinal cord injury.  My Favs are Favs because of their attitude.  Their time is flexible enough that we take what ever time is necessary.  It could be 1 or more.  But their attitude is we will finish what we start somehow.  Some of the most intense Os I have had have been highly skilled HJs.  Nothing wrong with that.  

I suggest you be sure to use lots of lube in self stim...  it is very seductive to teach yourself to cum quckly with very direct stimulation.  But it is bad for your sexual ability.

I would even ask if you find a FBSM provider who has patience...  and lots of lube.  I have one who is a LMT, gives lots of time & a lot of fun.  Oh, & she never fails.

Focus on the pleasure, not the climax.  With intercourse, I like CG endings because I can focus on the sensation...  

More & more, my abilities have been rebounding with use, since my injury (despite other physical deterioration).

I had similar issues and the reason was I was trying to last too long. Better to get your first pop out as soon as possible and then recharge for multiple pops. So now I only book 2 hour sessions.

I didn't try to hold it at all either time. Now that I've had some time to reflect I've realized that there was much less foreplay before jumping into action than with my ATF. I'm still new to this area so I'm just discovering providers which I feel comfortable with. So I am guilty of trying to maximize my hobby budget.    I'm not new to hobby but I am somewhat new to GFE and that is the kind of providers I only see now a days. I'm trying to find multiple ATFs that I can balance with to avoid burning out one and more over to not get too attached i.e. mix fantasy with reality. You are also right that one hour is too short time and I will be booking 2 hour sessions with providers I've already seen.

good luck