Dear LG,
Today I had my first meeting with a very lovely service provider who had many reviews.  Up until that point I was a virgin both in terms of this hobby and sexual intercourse.  In fact the only real experience I had with women is a little bit of kissing and dry humping when I was in college some 13 odd years ago.  Today I was excited for my first encounter but it didn’t go as I had thought it would.  I imagined myself being so “backed up” that I would bust a load just being in the presence of a beautiful naked lady.  Actually what happened was I wasn’t as nervous as I thought and when we started going at it I wasn’t that extremely sexually aroused.  I’m not sure why because she was a knockout in the looks department.  When she was giving me bbbj the sensation was almost too much.  It’s like the nerve endings on my head where being overwhelmed and a few times it was almost to the point of being painful.  I thought to myself something must be wrong.  She kept going and going and nothing would happen.  Eventually I got soft and we took a break.  We also tried covered intercourse (CG and Mish) and the same thing happened.  I blamed it on nervousness but I didn’t seem all that nervous or I didn’t feel that nervous.  Its likes my brain wanted to go but the body wasn’t willing.  I felt somewhat embarrassed.  I hope this was due to it being the first time and nothing permanent.

Welcome to the real world, JeremyBlack,

In the real world, men can be overcome with performance anxiety despite having boned 100's of women. It happens when you least expect it and it's just as flummoxing every time.

Give yourself a HUGE pat on your back for having gone as far as you did! This woman is a complete stranger, not someone with whom you've built up a long dating relationship and some habituation. With this, I mean that everything is new, new, new. Her scent, her looks, her way of talking - everything is unfamiliar. It also shows that you have something the rest of our primate cousins don't have - a prefrontal cortex making all sorts of sophisticated judgments and decisions. As a simian, you may have jumped her based purely on estrus - as a homo sapiens, you're saying "wait a minute, who is this woman REALLY? Do I want her or do I want to assess her behavior first? Maybe her nakedness is a ruse!" Perhaps not exactly like that, but you get my drift. It takes TIME to get comfortable with someone, and an hour may not have been enough time for your brain to process everything.

To put it mildly, this showstopping provider may just have been way too much for you at the time. Maybe you need to get together with someone not so...blindingly gorgeous? And maybe take it slow? Almost go paradoxical, i.e. tell yourself that you are NOT going to engage in intercourse and just "fool around?" With all this, the intention is to take any kind of pressure off yourself, i.e. the pressure of time, performance, being with a total babe, etc. If you can afford it, book her or someone else for a date that really resembles a regular date - maybe a movie, or TV-show while sitting on her couch [or yours, maybe] and eating popcorn? Let her wear no makeup, just jeans and T-shirt, nothing spectacular. Try to get as plain and regular as possible. Heck, go for a walk and talk about sports/computers or something totally non-sexual. In the end, your brain may surprise both you and your penis, LOL.

Permanent? Naaah, doubt it very much,
The Love Goddess

We all get performance anxiety. I've had numerous encounters, but still to this day... every once and while the old "performance anxiety" hits.

So, listen to the wise and great LG...  she knows what she's talkin' about!

My advice? Take it slow. Why not try a Full Body Sensual Massage (FBSM) first? All you have to do is lay back and just let her massage and eventually release you.

All in all... just have fun. That's why we do what we do!

This has happened to every guy out there!

JB,
It really does happen to all of us. It's just part of the hobby. Don't worry about it, and listen to the LG, she's the BEST!

As everyone has said, it happens to the best of us.  I literally had the worst sexual performance of my life in July and I'm pretty experienced.  But she was young and new, and I was old and out of practice and tired and stressed from work etc.- it happens.  It's all part of learning how to understand your own sexual response.  The only difference is I have more data points than you, so I self-diagnosed the problem quickly and moved to correct it.

But something else no one else has mentioned that may sound a little odd to the experienced guys, but can be an issue when you're getting started.  You've got to learn to give yourself permission to have sex with the woman you're with- that it's OK to be inside her, to explore and feel her body, to have a big orgasm and to enjoy yourself.  That sounds pretty obvious, but for a lot of guys it's not a natural or an easy step to take.  

Sex can be a bit intimidating, especially the first time, or the first time with a new partner.  When you've gone without for such a long time, it's hard to shift gears from sexual denial to sexual indulgence.  But now you've taken the first step, so when you're done smiling, think about what the others have said to make your next experience work a little better for you.

And always remember- IT'S JUST SEX!  So enjoy yourself.

First, the other responses are correct.  This is no big deal in the big scheme of things.

Second, one other possible issue could be related to the sexual environment to which you have become habituated.  You don't mention it, but I am assuming that since you are a virgin, that you have at least experienced masturbation.  And if you are anything like most guys, you have engaged in it a fair amount.  OK, probably a LOT if you have had no other sexual partners.

What I am getting at (and you could search "masturbation" on this board for much more in-depth info) is that you might have kind of 'hardwired' a link between sexual release and self-stimulation.  It is not an uncommon problem.  You may need to do a bit to 're-train' yourself to accept climatic sexual stimulation from someone else.

Just a thought.

Good luck.  And remember, practice makes perfect.

Welcome to the wonderful and terrible world of sexual awakening.  It may drive you crazy at times, but it is worth it.

Yes you are correct. Prior to my first meeting yesterday I have only engaged in masterbation. Do you suggest seeing the same lady multiple time until I get more comfortable or can I try someone else?

Yes JeremyBlack,

If you like her, do see her multiple times while taking into consideration my advice above. Book longer - maybe she has a reduced rate for taking walks or hanging out on the couch watching a movie? On the other hand, if you want to try someone else, do that too! The whole point in all this is to get comfortable with as many women as possible, in as many different situations as possible.

As to masturbation - good and very healthy, unless you've done it so much that you have conditioned yourself to a particular sexual response. One way is to stay off the stick about a week or so before meeting a lady. That way you are really raring to go.

Good luck, it's going to work,
The Love Goddess

Thanks LG and to everyone who responded. I really appreciate your feedback.

I bet the numbers are HUGH when it comes to guys having an awkward time the first time out. I was extremely nervous and did not perform well at all. You'll be ok.

This is including with my past gf's and providers Everything goes fine up until the point she gets the condom ready (not even on yet) and I lose it. What can I do I have actually been really nervous to ask this and LG I am awaiting reply from the dr you sent me to.

Aouch, hawk5686,

Female condom might be in order. She can put it on before you go inside so that you don't even have to see it. As to the dr - I'd call rather than email. Dang - don't people want to work anymore?

Sigh,
The Love Goddess

I am surprised that none of the replies addressed your avanced age for having first sex. I think it's a huge factor. From what you wrote, I am guessing you are in your early 30s. If it was your first attempt to fuck, it's no wonder you're having trouble since you've spent 20 post- puberty years in a completely different sexual context. I'm not a therapist, but I would guess that you might need a little "something extra" to adjust. I believe that there is solid evidence that the later the age of first sex, the more difficult the adjustment.

I would love to hear LG's take on this?  any truth to what infomike stated?

In my clinical and anecdotal observations, JeremyBlack,

It has to do with cumulative experience, not age of sexual debut. There are women who for whatever reason don't debut until their early 20's; on the other hand, they can catch up in terms of total amount of sex partners and sexual skills and even surpass the average person in sexual satisfaction - witness those who begin escorting in their 30s, maybe after having had only a few sex partners, and who end up finding tremendous enjoyment in their sex life after 40 and up.

The same goes for men. A man may not have his first experience until his late 20's or early 30s, then either get lucky in the civvie world or end up paying to play with loads of women, and experience great sexual satisfaction in later years.

Now if we combine late sexual debut with interpersonal difficulties, then we may have a problem. But as I said, age has very little to do with it. In fact, there is research that points out that a sexual debut that occurs "too early" (excluding sexual abuse or rape) is indicative of lesser marital and lesser sexual satisfaction in later life.

Just my 2 professional cents,
The Love Goddess

start with well reviewed/highly rated FBSM providers - a good 45 minutes of sensual massage and touching by an attractive woman will have an effect, and give you a chance to chat, get comfortable, then upon the flip, she will know how to get you released.  Start with just HR, then after a few sessions, work you way to session that include HR/BJ with her in the 69 position and you giving her DATY...after a couple sessions, you'll get very comfortable mixing it up all the way.