Sounds like a great outcum NN. Well done!
I've learned from experience, when you have an ongoing arrangement, girls sometimes get entitled. You need to cut that off early. It does not get better with age. If you like her and want it to keep going, make sure she knows you can walk away anytime.
In this instance, my main SB has been getting a bit.... Overzealous when it comes to my money. She made assumptions that I would pay for her tuition to go back to school. And her school supplies and give her a higher per meet allowance without any additional work. I was very clear, if she wants that I expect more too. She was arguing with me so I had to be very direct. Knock it off or this ends. I'm in far better shape to walk away. She's gone from full to part time to almost not working. Started school full time, in Mexico. And supposedly I'm her only income. I was clear earlier she's not allowed to see anyone else. If I find out she is, it ends immediately.
The problem is, she dove into this financial burden before talking to me. Making sure I was ok with more support. What she did not realize is that I expected more. Longer dates. More intimacy. Video dates during the week. Her sending me pics. We had it out a few times and I told her I was done. She came back begging me, asking what she had to do to make me happy. I was very clear, unless she is my wife, my income is mine. Not hers. If she wants more she has to give more. So we will see how the next few weeks workout.
You are right on the money netnoy. These things have a way of creeping up on us. As you say they get used to the arrangement and then start treating it like you are in a vanilla relationship. They see us as cash machines and I think get seduced into thinking that they "have" us and therefore can get into GPS mode. You are doing the right thing, there has to be a line that if they step over then there are consequences.
I wish you the best with this. Glad you have your head on straight and are thinking with it and not your little head or more dangerously, your heart.
First:
You are correct. Your agreement is like a contract and cannot be unilaterally changed by one side without the explicit agreement of the other. The only unilateral action permitted is to walk away with no further obligations.
Next, I'm sure you used rather specific language in your negotiations about your financial obligations and expectations. When discussing "future needs" like tuition, supplies, and unplanned major expenses, I'm careful to say "If it's something you need, I will always try to help." The key words are "try" and "help." Try means I get to decide if I want to. Help means I may cover SOME of the cost, but not necessarily all. This leaves me options when asked for more. I can agree, partially agree, request additional time and activity in exchange, and I still have the option to walk away clean.
So you are spot on. Maybe this is a good time to switch to "mentor" mode and help her understand that financial obligations need to be analyzed and planned before making a commitment? But only of you see value in investing the required time.
Next:
I have now travelled to SE Asia three times, as well as Tijuana and various cities in South America several times, I recognize her song. This is what gig musicians call an Old Standard: Hook a "rich foreigner," fuck like he has the best dick on the planet, then start running the "emergency need" scripts. These scripts include such favorites as "Tuition", "Sick mother/father/baby/farm animal/uncle, etc.", and "Start a small business to feed my family in the province." The refrain for each of the songs is always: "Only you care, only you can save my ________________, I will love you forever."
Ah yes, the classic Foreigner Chump schtick. Gotta love the classics. Really the hardest part of these scams is getting the "mark" to believe his is the only dick she is sucking.
So hold the line and keep in mind that there are literally 1,000+ women celebrating their 18th birthday in your state today, and tomorrow and the next day.
Life is good
The Cat
Men are like patio stones.
Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them forever.
Went to dinner, and of course, BCD time. Probably the best date we had. She apologized for everything. Promised to not make the same mistakes again. She also said she respected my boundaries. She's never had a long term SD and got comfortable.
The sex was off the hook.
Everyone should be saying, "of course but..."
So the real situation is, how will she behave in the future?. The mistake I've made in the past was not being willing to walk away and start over. That always let the girl push a portion of the limits I was setting. And led me to some disasterous breakups.
So. In this case. I made it clear, I'm done if she crosses a line. So she is the one snapping into place. She knows she has a good thing with me. A higher allowance than she got in the past. Weekly dates. Vacations. If she's smart, the train will not end. All she has to do is be loyal, keep being hot, charming, great sex, and make time for me when I want.
Sounds like a great outcum NN. Well done!
This is a perfect example of how power works in an arrangement.
She always has the power to say "yes," while you always have the power to say "no."
That never changes, but as SD's it's sometimes easy to forget when you're getting your dick wet on the regular. You feel good and want to do nice things for her, to keep her happy, to reward good behavior. And she appreciates the extra attention and gifts - until she takes them for granted.
That's what happened here. She overreached. She tried to use her power to say yes to get you to do more, for less. You said "no." You used your power. The power to say "no" means exactly what you mentioned: you are willing to walk away.
The next lesson is learning how to spot the need to say "no" before a problem manifests. My new SB has twice now asked me for part or all of her allowance a few days in advance of our next date. The first time I agreed, as I knew she was under some heavy pressure to pay an urgent bill. The second time, I reminded her I am not comfortable doing this and it needs to stop. The third time - hasn't happened (yet).
The message is clear, even when delivered without anger or annoyance: Asking for more without giving more risks getting nothing ever again. Its power comes from the realization that, just like for us, replacing a good partner is HARD.
Thanks for sharing.
Life is good
The Cat
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