Hi Love Goddess,

I was wondering if you or anyone else would have any advice in this situation. Anyways so I've been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months now and things are going pretty well. But her and her mom, who are extremely close by the way, are having a lot of problems in their relationship. And the root of their problems, apparently, is me. Her and her mom usually do a lot of things together, they even still live together (despite that she's 22). But her mom's been giving my gf a really hard time lately, and my gf is telling me its because she's jealous of me. Her mom feels that my gf is spending too much time with me (which i think is kinda crazy, cause I usually only get to see her twice a week)and that my gf doesnt care about her anymore. My gf is very patient with her and does everything she can think of to try to show her mom she still cares (she invites her mom places, try's to talk to her about the situation, etc) but nothing seems to be getting through to her. This is something that has been going on for months now. Her mom feels they have been getting distant, although my gf still loves her dearly. What do you think she should do? Please dont advice that she sit down and talk with her mom, cause like Ive said, she's done that already. I tried talking with her mom too but that only seemed to make the situation worse.

Also, one of my best friends is also a really close friend of my gf, yet her mom is for some reason almost forbidding her from hanging out with him (i guess one guy in my gf's life is too much for her already). I really like the three of us hangin out together, but she hates lieing to her mom about this. U guys know anything we could do for my buddy? Thanks for reading, and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Dear maxum220,

These issues are very typical of parent-late adolescent child dynamics. Oftentimes, parents have a difficult time "letting go" of their kids. The gender of the parent/child hardly matters - it could have been the same thing had the child been her son instead of her daughter. No one is good enough for one's child - it's very, very common.

All you can do is act very polite and very solicitous toward her mother when you see her - and that means polite without being smarmy, inclusive without being glib. If you really want to be nice, why not take the mother along with you and your girlfriend once, just to see what happens? Maybe you could treat them both to a nice lunch? High tea at a nice hotel somewhere? Let her mother get to know you so that your presence won't be so threatening.

Some mothers really have a hard time with these issues. As to your best friend's involvement with you and your girlfriend and her mother's reaction, it's really not for me or anyone else on this board to give advice. We don't know the dynamics - who knows, maybe there is just something that really irks your girlfriend's mother about this guy?

In any event, your girlfriend will have to do her own separation work from Mom as well. She should not lie and she should stay firm while at the same time try to elicit some deeper comments from the Mom. Of course none of this is easy, particularly not when it's your mother and you're a young girl of 22 [to us old ladies, 22 is A BABY.] If things become too difficult, a few sessions of family therapy may be in order. For now, just try to include the Mom with you both at least once. If she balks, then that certainly is more fodder for in-depth conversation.

Mommie Dearest,
The Love Goddess

"I really like the three of us hanging out together, but she hates lying to her mom about this. U guys know anything we could do for my buddy? Thanks for reading, and advice would be greatly appreciated."


Break up with your Buddy as quick as possible ..or marry him...If you are only seeing your GF twice a week and you feel the need to have him in your activities, there is more than her Mom you need to deal with.,.

You don't say, but I'm assuming that is the case here.

What's needed is a boyfriend for your girlfriend's mom.

I'm not saying this is easy to find or set up, but without one I don't think that this triangle is going to be a happy one.

Does your buddy like older gals?

(Said only partly in jest.)

actually the OP and girlfriend could take Mom out to a venue where she might meet someone, an activity that is non obvious like dancing or dance lessons. An activity where enforced interaction apart from the young couple is almost required.

i only say this because before we started dating, the three of us used to hang out all the time; and her mom would complain that my gf is out of the house too much every now and then but never like this.

thanks for the advice, for some reason it never really occured to me that we should take her mom out with us, hopefully it doesnt get akward lol cause at this point i think her mom hates me haha

actually her mom and dad have seperated, but her mom is re-married. Although she does seem much closer to my gf than her husband