I asked this question on the General board, and would like your take?

On the Newbies board, an 18 year old asked about hobbying. My response was that he was too young, and needed to learn how to relate to girls first. Hobbying would stunt the development of relationship skills. Many guys concurred.

Then it got me thinking. Generalizing here (so don't bash me too much). Guys who hobby young (under 20) are on the (shall we say delicately) less sociable end of the scale. (generalizing some more for the sake of discussion) ladies (young more mature) who escort are on the more sociable end of the scale. It seems like the ladies may have more of their relationship skills developed.

If someone 18-20 years old was considering being an escort, what advice would you give her?

Dear tokai,
Indeed, there are two assertions or hypotheses inherent in your posting. One has to do with sociability, the other with "maturity."

Since your generalizations are just that - generalizations - and there is no reliable research data that addresses the personality dimensions of young escorts and their clients, I can't really make any pronouncements in that area. Whatever I say will be hunches as well. There are guys who hobby young and are quite sociable - what do you say about all the young male moviestars who, despite the fact that they can get sex for free, still throw money around on providers? Or young providers who are just screwing for money and drugs? I'd say they are socially impaired. So until we've got clear data, I can't say either premise is accurate.

As to giving an 18-20 year old advice, well, it truly depends on the person in front of me. Some women should NEVER work as providers, no matter what their age. What I have advised a young girl who previously posted here about stripping, is to be sure to go to college and not make stripping her full-time career. I would probably say the same thing to someone 18-20 who wanted to have sex with strangers for a full-time living. Since someone 18 is legally free to make his/her decision [and boy, does s/he EVER want to, IMHO,] it's useless to preach or be negative. Instead, a more useful idea would be to reinforce the message about education and its permanent benefits.

Now, we all have heard about college students who work as sensual massage technicians or even providers on the side. My take on it is that as long as they have good grades and are able to graduate, who am I to interfere? They are exercising their free will and are using their time in school toward their intended goal. What I find most dreadful is when young women, for whatever reason, perceive themselves as having "no choice" and then get into the sex industry for purely financial reasons. This is when I try to dissuade the person and try to help the person find healthy alternatives. One should never engage in any moneymaking activity - particularly not something so emotionally demanding as being a sex worker - without a strong psyche, a healthy self-image and a way out, in case reality does not end up matching with one's fantasy.

Now, a minority of females, even young ones, are able to engage in prostitution without discernible negative effects. Others become damaged from the experience and suffer all sorts of consequences. So again, it does depend on who does the asking.

Hope that answers your question,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 12/16/2007 12:36:52 AM

-- Modified on 12/16/2007 1:11:44 AM

Ok, so far as guys, while I very seldom date a guy under 35/40 anymore, there's something to be said for the occasional 18 year old hardbody. And you don't have to worry about them using their whole hour... (or 15 minutes?) Giggle.

Regarding girls, different story.  While we all know many girls get into this business very young, often well before 18.  I think the younger you are the more likely it is to screw you up.

Younger girls are far more likely to be pimped or otherwise forced into sex work.  Whereas older women often make the choice to enter the work force for various reasons.

I think younger girls often don't have the maturity or experience to deal with the under belly of this business and they can get eaten up as a result.

I'm a transsexual woman.  When I was very young 14-16 I did a few mostly car dates with pedophiles and perverts who liked young skinny boys who looked like girls, sometimes I got money, but I mostly wanted to get high to forget what I was doing or why I seemed to "need" to inside.

I didn't return to escorting for two decades until a couple of years ago when I learned there aren't many jobs out there for transsexuals.

And to be honest I find escorting to be a validation that a man finds me attractive or interesting enough to pay me money for my companionship.  To me, if a man can't take care of me and just wants to use me, then I have no value to him, and I don't like feeling worthless.

But the fact is younger girls command more money. I know a girl who started escorting when she was 18 and is now 21 and paid cash for a $800,000 home.

My partner is 23, in college - a top student.  Her choice is $10 an hour work/study doing some innane job at the university, or $200-400 an hour escorting.

She can literally make more in one hour than she would all month at the college.  And that is the problem.  People, especially women, are expected to eek out a living on minimal incomes.  Where I live, the median wage is $67,000 a year - yet less than 5% of local women earn that.

I'm not justifying or glorifying prostitution.  While here on TER we mostly enjoy the cream of the crop of both escorts and hobbyists.  The reality is 37% of american men who see prostitutes are IV drug users (San Diego Union Tribune story a week or two ago).  While HIV and STD's among NON-STREET prostitutes are relatively low, I saw a 7% figure somewhere, with street girls it can be as high as 35% in some cities.

There is nothing gloryifying about spendinghte night in jail with a bunch of losers and druggies when you get popped on a prostitution charge - and then have to work harder to make up for lost income and to pay your attorney.

As LG said many girls enter this business on a downward slide into an early death in the gutter.  It is not a business for the weak minded, those without an exit plan, or those without the ability to separate business and pleasure.

I would agree with LG - go to college.  But escorting can be a great way to finance an education and get a leg up on your future, IF a girl is mature enough to save and invest and not shoot her profits into her arms, and can deal with the mental negatives.

I know two other stories.  One, an older girl who recently bought a small motel from her earnings, and one who saved and opened a restraunt, failed and is back escorting again to build another stake.  And personally, 90% of the time I LOVE being an escort. The other 10% sucks.

I don't know if this will help anyone, or is the rambling of a lunatic, but it's from my heart.

Hugs,
TS Jamie

Dear Love Goddess:
What are the key characteristics do you look for when it comes to a woman's ability to compartmentalize? What techniques and methods are used to execute this? What other assessments do you use to tell if a female is long for the sex industry in terms of her psychological makeup?

I'm not going to say how old I am now, but I started escorting when I was 18.

I remember it WAS because I was homeless and had no money or food and kind of just happened to find craigslist right before I became homeless, only to have my hard-earned money stolen by the room mates who were kicking me out, just cause I didn't want to sleep with them.

By no means was I really even sexually active.

My first call I think was the first time I had any form of sexual activity in about a year...

I've always been a fighter, with my mom constantly abandoning me. When I was 12 I lived under a bridge for about a year and stole from Walmart and Circle K's to eat, and showered in the arizona watery dams or whatever...

Now I have been escorting for a little while now, I know when I first started I told myself, NO PIMPS! Whatsoever. And I've stuck to that! I didn't want someone taking my hard-earned money for no reason... While he just got to sit there and smoke his weed or drive his super nice escalade...

Whatever!

A few girls really wanted me to work with them, as I was a fairly attractive girl without any drug addictions... And a nice body!

PERFECT! I could almost see them scream in their eyes as they stared hungrily at me, trying to persuade me to join their "team"

Just wasn't my thing!

Although I did have a boyfriend who didn't know what I was doing and just thought I was a stripper... It really broke my heart not to ever tell him, but I was still trying to get myself out of the hole and get myself a home and a life!

Now that it has been a while, I find myself still continuing escorting [somewhat due to the fact that I lost my birth certificate and all forms of identification other than my drivers license, so now I cannot get a job!]

But mainly for the fact that I learned to really love my job.

Growing up I was a professional tease as I liked to call it!

I was never sexually active... Except for that one time when I was 17 and lost my virginity [didn't have sex after that till that 1st call].

But I did love to tease and flaunt myself... and just "tease" the boys!



Anyways I'm rambling now I think!

Lol!

But my point is... I started young and at first I didn't think it was suited to me... I despised almost every minute of it until I found backpage and started researching other escorts, one who even has a minimum price of $4,000 and I realized... Wow... You CAN really enjoy yourself and be RESPECTED doing this.

Ever since then I've strived to be one of the best escorts, and maybe one day a more high class girl too!

With no mental damage that I can see... I've become more intune with people...

And with myself!

And I never have to go in the shower immediately trying to wash the filth off... or whatever girls do when they feel dirty...

Cause I don't... not anymore!

I feel like I am really providing something good to people...

And even though my work is escorting... I've still never dared sleep with friends or just be a "slut"

I've always kept my wits about me and even started to screen customers and get somewhat selective of who I chose...

Alright, I'm going to stop rambling...

Lol!

Im actually in school for my pre-veterinary stuff right now !

Dear Love Goddess:
What I was saying was does the provider have the emotional stability to last in the industry? Does she take everything personal or is she just mechanical and conduct business as usual as if she is the typical mercenary?

My advice would be:  If you are pretty and semi-intelligent, go get a job as a receptionist or medical clerk at a hospital.  You can then marry a doctor.  It will add legitimacy to the oldest profession.