I am a provider in Denver, CO.  I started in the adult industry when I was 17, and after my first appointment I ended up in treatment for severe depression ( I had a lot of issues with my family ) after I got out of treatment at 18 and went to live with my grandma on CO, I kept thinking about escorting. It seemed like the best job in the world - I figured I will never find an SO, so why not? I would get to have fun and get paid wonderfully for it. So, while still living with my grandmother I auditioned for an escort agency based out of Phoenix. I got the job, and shortly thereafter my grandmother got me an apartment - and I was finally on my own. I started working more, and it conflicted with my schedule at my " real life " Job - so I quit my real life job to become a full time escort. it wasn't long after switching to a Denver based agency that I got into Cocaine and alcohol abuse. I figured it was just two more things that would keep me working, and make sure I never fall in love. Well, in June 2008 I met a wonderful guy, and shortly after meeting him - lets call him J ... we lost touch - he didn't have a phone and I kept switching numbers. A few months later, In September 2008, J came back into my life. at this time I was seeing clients for 50/75 dollars, and had very little self worth. I was a rock star in my own eyes. J & I stood friends for about 2 weeks before finally hooking up and falling very hard for each other. I continued to escort until November 2008, when the building I was living in was sold to another company who kicked everyone out.

I was homeless until my grandmother yet again stepped in and got me and J an apartment to live in together, under the condition I never go back to escorting. Shortly thereafter, J lost his income and started having health issues. We continued on, barely making it by - me giving a few FBSM's a week, posted on CL's adult gig's section... until finally, in December 2009 I realized it wasn't working. I was tired of not having any income, not having a cell phone, the lights getting disconnected.. ETC.  I told J that i was considering going back to the adult industry. When we we're first together he was fine with it - he realized it was my job and my release from the " real world " that was tearing me apart. But, when it came up this time around - he seemed not okay with it. It had become something he looked down upon. at first it was a turn on for him - the fact that his S.O. was a escort... but now, to quote him - "I don't like it, But if you feel like it must be done, I will be ok with it because I love you".

I have been escorting in Denver again since December 2009 and am wondering how this is really affecting J. He seems distant alot, and whereas we use to have sex everyday, we now have sex about twice a week. I have alot of health problems ( fibrocystic disease, very bad immune system ) and barely work - to be honest we're still in a really Bad position financially.

I want to continue to work  I do like working as an escort - it has enabled me to not only feel better about my self and my body but also is going to help me pay for school, But not if it's negatively affecting the man I love.

I do enjoy being an escort - I get to meet new people, and I get to make them smile... but at the same time - I want to do what's best for the man I love, Even if it puts me on the streets again.

J has said that he doesn't view it as cheating - I'm not becoming emotionally attached to my clients as anything more than friends. I don't do ANYTHING without a condom, and respect all boundaries that me and J have discussed.

I have even offered him to see ASP's, as long as everything is done with a condom and he get's checked for STD's often. He refused and said he just couldn't do that to me, and knows it would kill me inside... quite honestly it would - it would make me feel sexually inadequate.

all in all, is what I'm feeling at all normal for the situation?

Dear Teresa Sinclair,

Thank you for your extensive and self-disclosing post. I don't know if your feelings can be described as either "normal" or "abnormal" - they are your feelings based on your experiences and therefore legitimate and real.

As to your situation and living arrangement/relationship, I see some issues worthy of concern:

1. Your past drug use and depression, in addition to your compromised immune system and fibrocystic disease, makes your brain more vulnerable to stress. You are also caretaking another person, which adds financial and emotional responsibility. Escorting, when done professionally, is not exactly a walk in the park; it demands being on time, looking good and putting in a fine performance. I really do hope that you have access to excellent medical care and that you have the opportunity to baby yourself, both physically and emotionally.

2. We still live in a society where men, for better or for worse, are in more leadership positions and make more money than women do. For your partner not to be able to fulfill his role as a functional man in society at large can create depressive symptoms. Add to this his health problems, and he could also be experiencing depression and learned helplessness. That is a spiral leading nowhere but down and into further perpetuating of inaction. I also hope HE has some medical/physical care and resources except for what you can provide for him.

3. It is my professional opinion that while you may enjoy escorting and it gives you an opportunity to interact with people who may be decent and kind, it seems you have no backup plan at all. No plans for education, no exit strategy, nothing to help you, should you become so ill that you can no longer escort or provide for your partner. Your comment "even if it puts me on the streets again" is very disconcerting - I suspect that this is related to a feeling of very little self-worth. From a psychological standpoint, you have transferred all feelings of self-appreciation to that of your partner - HE is the one you care for more than anyone else, when in fact the person who needs the most support is YOU. We call this "overfunctioning" in terms of a dyad; oftentimes, the overfunctioning partner in a couple begins to have physical symptoms from the stress, while the underfunctioning partner continues to become inactive and in the end, passive-aggressive. Please consider this, as you go on in the relationship.

4. In some ways, this has very little to do with what your partner thinks and feels. Your life situation and your choices are much more important. I really would suggest that you set aside $100 or so every week for just yourself and begin therapy with someone eminently capable and compassionate. That way, you will have some support as you go along so that you can make some decisions when issues come up. Your life is nowhere over with, and you will need HELP - particularly in view of your precarious social situation.

If you don't know who to contact, please click on the banner to the left. It takes you to my website and email address. I will be happy to help you find a good therapist and perhaps some social services in your area.

My blessings to you,
The Love Goddess

Thank you
I actually baby myself maybe a little too much
I didn't before, but now I always set aside some " Girl Time " with me and my best friend.



My exit plan is actually to finish up school, and become either a social worker (in hopes of helping children and the elderly) or to pursue my childhood dream, and become an artist.

Right now I do not have medical care ( am in the process of obtaining medical care, I needed all my health records ) but my S.O. does.

i will be contacting you, Thank you

I advised you to cut the cord with the business and focus on creating a life with a man who cares about you.  Get student loans and  bartending skills.  This business is no place for some in a realtionship, esp. a person who has been through so much.  Be strong:  you'll get the attention you want as a bartender and build a solid foundation for yourself with an education.
 My two cents.