Dear LG,

I posted this on the NY Board but I’ll post it here as well.

I scheduled an appt. with my ATF a few days prior her incall date. On the day of my appt., she told me to come at a later time in which we both agreed. I also confirmed with her and she told me the location where she was staying. I left about 1 ½ hrs. early to take public transportation on my way to her location. It takes me that long to arrive in Manhattan which sucks. Once I got to her location, I went inside to hotel lobby, called her and no answer. I texted her that I’m in the lobby and she replied if I can give her more time. I agreed and told her yes. Time was up and I asked for her room number so I can come up. She told me to wait a little longer because she was taking care of something by talking with the hotel’s office. Was she talking on the phone with them or at the office? I don’t know. It might be a lie. I might have been outbid by another client or something else came up. Time was up again and I called only to get her voicemail. I texted her and I get no reply. I called, texted, etc. No reply. I was waiting in the hotel lobby like an a$$**!e for more than an hour. After more than an hour I called her again, texted her and still no reply. The only choice I have now is to do nothing but to go home. I wasted more than an hour waiting plus travel time. I arrived home hours before midnight, still no reply from her.

I’m not sure if she did this because I told her I won’t be able to get her a gift when she requested it for a special day of hers. An example would be for Christmas. I was nice enough to get her a couple of gifts in the past and she got me one gift which was thoughtful of her. I also told her I may have to stop seeing her for at least several months but I didn’t say to her why. The reason is because she requests gifts for certain times when I at least expect it to. IMHO a provider should not ask for a present or vice-versa. We hobbyist are not providers BF’s or vice-versa. Another reason is because I could only limit myself to either see my ATF and get her a gift next time, or vice-versa. This is all due to the recession which affected me. The result was emailing back and forth.

Luckily for me I have a backup plan. Not for that day but for the following week with my soon to be ATF. If my ATF or maybe I should say former ATF sends me a message apologizing to me that she stood me up, I might think about giving her a second chance. It does not necessarily mean that I will believe what she says to me. The reason is because she lied to me once about her incall which was pretty obvious. I’m pretty sure I got outbid by someone else at that time. I’m just a little upset that she did all this to me.

Now because my so called ATF did this to me, it only leaves me with 2 things on which I should do. These are the following:
1) Give her a second chance if she ever contacts me, or
2) Just move on.

My instinct tells me option number 2 would be best on which is what I might do. If my so called ATF contacts me, I’m not sure if I could trust her that much like I used to. I hate to do this. I’m always loyal and faithful to her. As I was told, she is my ATF but does not mean that I am hers although she said to me I’m her favorite when she gave me a present. If I choose option 2 (most likely) it will be time for me to say goodbye to my so called ATF. I texted her while in the lobby if I don’t get a reply from her that means goodbye. Now the ball is in her court as I was told. I will remember her though. Like I said, I’m a little upset because of what happened. WTF!!!!!

Sorry for the alias. I’m using an alias to protect my main username as well as my so called ATF.

Thank you LG,
Utog

I would attempt one more time to contact her and give her an opportunity to explain and make things right.  

If she didn't have an acceptable (and believable) excuse or wasn't willing to make some effort to make it up to me I'd write an accurate review of the incident and move on to a provider who valued my business.

Well Utog69,

For a while there, I got confused - I thought you were the provider and (s)he was the hobbyist. The option "give her a second chance if she ever contacts me" is sort of amusing to me, since the provider is clearly the one who's been calling the shots here all along. On the other hand, you're working on your ATF rankings, so in that respect, you may be feeling somewhat in control.

But guess what: I hate to break it to you, but... you're not. As long as you're wound up about this, it tells me that there is some kind of emotion involved. And that emotion is calling for some kind of acceptable return, which apparently is not being given.

If I could give you one overarching piece of advice, it would be to back off with the quick nominations and disqualifications of ATFs. All it does is set you up for disappointments, however minor. Maybe something happened to her that she couldn't discuss? Maybe she was having some kind of honest-to-goodness problem? The issue is that it doesn't matter. The problem is that you've set yourself up for the highs and lows of emotions that happen when we invest them in people - in this case ATF1 and now possibly ATF2. In addition, you both seem to be in some kind of mutual gift-giving cycle which never bodes well for a prostitute-client relationship, mostly because eventually, someone is bound to become disappointed and take it out on the other person.

My advice to you is this:

1. Move on

2. Don't get so wrapped up in these women, endowing them with ATF status, gift-giving and emotions beyond just the nookie.

Yes, yes, I know, it IS difficult for some men, particularly if there isn't a wife or SO at home doing the emotional labor to provide the feelings of love and appreciation we all need. But you do need to understand that the provider in question is performing a sexual service; she may be your ATF, but you don't necessarily know if you are hers. Of course, truly professional providers don't flake or cancel without notification - but guess what, they rarely display favoritism toward any particular clients, in order to keep their boundaries firmly in place. They provide professional warmth, empathy when needed and excellent sexual services to ALL their clients. And that can get some clients into feeling states that bleed over the commonly accepted boundaries, usually to the disadvantage of the client in the end.

If she does call you (eek, dialing for dollars,  not so great, IMHO), then you'll decide if you want to fuck her or not. Cuz that's what it's mostly about, my friend - that and those fleeting moments of post-coital bliss...

Too deep, too sooon,
The Love Goddess

She sounds pretty inconsiderate. She knew you went all that way to see her, you were in the lobby, and then she stops answering you calls and messages.She could have just cancelled over the phone. It looks like she is playing you for a chump.She has you wrapped  around her little finger. Quit following the girl around like a puppy. Your like the guy in high school who is in love with his friend, calls her all the time, she tells him all her problems, they talk on the phone for 2 hours, but she is only interested in him as a friend.Meanwhile, she is banging the biggest jerk in the city, who beats her, and cheats on her evey week. Dont be that guy. I would walk, unless she gives you one free session.dont call her.JMHO

Bottom line here is that you are way too wrapped up emotionally with a woman that you are simply paying for sex.

As I read your post I can barely keep up with your rotating ATF's and who is on first.  You know, no one HAS to be an ATF.  I have one now but I have gone for many years at a time without one.  Girls cancel, yes they get better offers but often times real life simply gets in the way.  It's part of the deal.  If you find her too flaky to deal with then walk away.  If not, you just have to grin and bear it....and have that plan B ready!

I'm wracking my brain to see if there was even one time when it was worth it, but nada.

Very slowly but surely, I'm learning.

whenever there was a break up that was due to mere clumsiness and not some kind of dangerous or inexplicable behavior or incompatible goals, i've taken them back. it was always worth it.

so I pretty much have a one strike rule when it comes to ncns, YMMV, or generally being annoying. Too many beautiful flowers in the garden of life to court trouble and nuissance..... however, I've assed off a  time or two and regretted it. In one very notable instance a delightful lady I had been seeing somewhat regularly got way pissed off at me, mostly justified though a bit of it was just poor communication. I was bummed of course. However, she contacted me after three weeks or so and let me off the hook. And one particular lady stood me up on our first "date" because her she did not know her phone battery went dead. Normally Id not have repeated but she was so apologetic. I am soooooo glad we're "friends" now..... Forgiveness can be a good thing...

although we have somewhat similar sensibilities in some ways. i think you are here just for the fun of it and i am here less for fun and more for the credible illusion of a deep personal connection. this latter is a bit demanding and more serious mistakes than logistics can happen.

i am not going to detail the mistakes in my civy life that i forgave. every single major relationship of mine had one very early and very large crisis that resulted in a break that healed well enough to be good for a decade at least. all remain friendly. in this world there have been only two mistakes of note. one case is a matter of safety, discretion, and role-boundaries that i see no way past. the other is i think more of a mutual misunderstanding and quite forgiveable, on my side at least.

for me being unforgiving would be a bitter way to live. but then i can also forgive someone and be glad as hell to never see them again!

sounds like this 'relationship' is wayyyyyyyyyyyy over emotional.  and gift giving?  why did u let yourself be manipulated like that?  i think this gal sees 'sucker' stamped on your forehead so she can treat u anyway she wants and u will crawl back.  just move on and try not to get so attached.

... to explain or appologize! (The *demanding of gifts* is pretty questionable behavior, as well...)  As far as having to cancel/rescedule at the last minute??  We are all HUMAN!  Let's think of some reasons why a girl would need to do this-

- The girl was touring/buddying up with another girl... and this girl just called your ATF to say she had just been arrested or assaulted...

- The hotel staff caught on to her "business" and were in the process of "questioning" her about this...

- Your ATF had other sessions sceduled for earlier in the day and these people were both late in arriving AND virtually IMPOSSIBLE to move along at the end of their respective time... thus fuddling up her scedule for the rest of the day...

- She got a call on her personal phone from a family or friend who was having an emergency, who does NOT know about "the business," and she needed to talk to or otherwise assist this person...

etc etc etc!!!

As far as an earlier poster's comment about "a one strike rule when it comes to ncns, YMMV, or generally being annoying. Too many beautiful flowers in the garden of life to court trouble and nuissance....."  I would say that there are PLENTY of hobbyists who display some or ALL of these qualities and many girls still give them a fair number of chances! The point is that people IN GENERAL should aim to be genuine, polite, and have good communication around any sceduling changes to the best of their abilities!

My .2 cents.

Just happen to me this eve.  First I was sad now i'm pissed

Although many of the providers who post on TER boards are pretty responsible, the profession also includes many flaky and flighty people. If you're going to hobby, you need to understand that and take it as part of the territory. There is no experienced hobbyist who has not been blown off.

OTOH, as others have pointed out, there are many troubling aspects of your post – you told her you weren't going to see her because she demanded gifts, etc. etc. Sounds like high school. To be a successful hobbyist, believe it or not, you need a certain maturity and balance. You can't be playing head trips with the providers. Be aware that one things providers are always wary of is men who seem to have the potential to be stalkers. I'm not saying you would get to that point, but your mindset is not correct. You need to learn to have no-commitment sex with providers or look elsewhere for your sexual fulfillment. Love Goddess got it right, as always.

Guy's I here that you were stood up with no respect but are you going to write a review with a no show to warn the rest of us? Afraid you'll hurt her feelings WTF?

This happened to me on my second time ever calling a provider and she was very well referenced.  First she emailed and asked if she could move out time up and hour then when that time came i sat and waited.  30 mins later she emailed appologizing saying that she was stuck in traffic and that she'd be another 30 mins...i said ok and sucked it up...when that 30 min passed and she still didn't show, then i was pissed.  She finally called about an hour and a half late and asked if we could meet that night when i finished with my meeting.  I didn't have time to meet by that point so i told her i'd call her when i got out.  That night sucked, i didn't get out of my meetings till late and had to be up and the crack of dawn the next day so i sent her a message saying sorry but it wasn't going to happen.  

Wasted the whole afternoon waiting on her.  If it weren't for my first experience, i would have been turned off to the hobby!  She seemed to forget that for both of us...time is money.