LG,

I know there have been a number of posts on here about PE and I've read most-but I still could use your advice.

As a matter of background, I'm in my early 40's and have had issues with PE pretty much my entire sexually active life-starting when I first became active at 17.  Whenever I was with a hot girl, I would cum very quickly-even just by being stroked by her hand.  Many times, I would lose it before intercourse or soon thereafter.  It created a lot of anxiety for me over the years. Some partners were cool about it-some not so cool-but it was always the elephant in the room.

Fast forward to today (now with SO for 8 years) and recently back into the hobby (I had hobbied a little bit 8-10 yrs ago).  My current sex life is ok-never anything mind blowing and as time has passed the passion/ excitement/ activity level has diminished due to all the typical reasons-hence the hobby activity).  By the way, early on with my SO I had the same PE problem but it went away over time and I would say now I can last fairly long and sometimes can't cum at all!  

Anyway, I've seen a few providers recently and have noticed that the same old PE problem has resurfaced.  The first experience I only lasted a about 15 seconds upon pentration and not much longer for the second cup.  

I then decided to try a few things to see if anything worked.  Since I get very horny in the days leading up to a date, I began masturbating the day of to take the edge off.  I find if I don't-I tend to have a discharge of fluid/pre-cum (is this the right term?) during the hours leading up to a date with all the anticipation-a little embarrassing. I also find I will prematurely ejaculate if I don't masturbate.  This strategy has helped delay the pe but the issue with that approach is that I find myself significantly less horny overall (the ege is gone)-and especially if I want to try for round 2.  I did however have a recent date where I was so horny pre-date that I had to masturbate about 6 hours before as I was convinced I would blow upon being touched.  As it turned out, I had one of the best experiences in a long time-was able to last/ control myself and I was able to cum twice in one 90 min session (3 times that day-very rare for me).  That almost never happens.  I typically last longer when I masturbate but then the odds of cup 2 are very low.  I do use Viagra to maximize my chances for Round 2 by the way.

So, my long-winded questions are:

Besides the techniques mentioned before (start/ stop; pull out/ squeeeze, etc.)-which I find are all awkward to do with a provider, are there any other strategies?  What are your comments on masturbating before a date (maybe I should back off to the night before?).  Are there any specific nutritional vitamins/ supplements that can help? Is the wetness/ discharge I experience on the day of normal? It's not a lot but certainly noticeable.  Given that this doesn't happen with the SO-is this all in my head?

By the way, I know there are many men who struggle with the opposite problem of delayed or no ejaculation.  Having experienced that as well (albeit much less frequently) I understand that frustration and the view that cumming at all is a good thing.  I get that-I'm just trying to maximize my experience and gain better control over the little guy.  

Sorry for the babble-hoping you have some words of wisdom.

Dear Lookin2Last,

I do believe you should practice start/stop and the Seamans squeeze technique with providers. It may feel awkward at first, but believe me, providers are professionals and don't have the same sense of "awkwardness" about maneuvers to make you last.

If masturbating 5 hours before an encounter helps, then do that. Why not? As you pointed out, you've got the opposite problem of RE, so that should help some.

Are there nutritional supplements that will help you last longer? Not to my knowledge. Is wetness/discharge normal? Don't know. I am not a physician and cannot render medical advice. You will need to be examined by a urologist to rule out if the discharge is related to something else.

Unfortunately the FDA has not yet approved dapoxetine (Priligy) for PE. It can be prescribed off-label for cluster headaches, but as of now, it's not available in the US.

Finally, I'd call a urologist anyway. Get an exam to make sure there aren't any other issues re the wetness/discharge and see if s/he can access dapoxetine.

It's worth a try,
The Love Goddess

I always masturbate 5-10 hours before sex. It keeps me from Prematurely ejaculating 30sec to 45 secs into a session. Haha the gals think I'm some kind of manly STUD. The other method that works, is to have sex 3-4, or more times a week.

Dear Love Goddess:
Although you did elaborate on muscle control and the importance of doing stomach control excercises, I was wondering could that be nervousness of the first time being with a lady? Also would you say that the provider would have the advantage because of the physiological dynamics that are transpiring with her at that moment when she is excited? Also not that you asked but is the person in question copulating with or with out a condom and if he is using a condom how thick would it be in terms of the millimeters?  I am also wondering how sensitive he would be in terms of his foreskin and his frenelum as well? Not that you have been with him but it is something to consider because all of the above could be attributable to PE.

Dear Duplicitouslust,

My answers to people are based on the information they provide. He's not stating anything about condoms, hence no response about condoms. As to the first time being with a lady - the OP states he's had this problem all his life. If it's true PE, it happens time and time again, not just with someone new.

Stomach control exercises? Huh? The Seamans' technique has to do with direct manual pressure onto the penis. Yes, Kegel exercises of the pelvic floor have been found to help control ejaculation, but in severe PE, these also have limited effect.

It's been my experience that circumcision has very little to do with severe PE. A man can be circumcized, have his frenulum completely gone and desensitized and still suffer.
You can read about the influence of serotonin on ejaculation in the link.

And the provider....always has the advantage
The Love Goddess

I totally feel for you brother! I have been in your shoes, I suffered with it from age 13-21. I followed some techniques I read on a Indian website and it worked wonders. I am not a doctor, but these worked for me, so I am doing my best to help.

First, when masturbating, I kept delaying the orgasm, first by removing all stimulation for 90 seconds after you get right before your peak, knocking it down by 5 seconds each time. While this required a ton of patience (and a lot of time on your hands, literally), it helped a ton. It also helped me build up muscle control. I did this for about 6 months, every other day or so.

Next trick is switching to going down on a woman mid-coitus. Things getting too spicy for you down south? Just take a tongue trip below the belt and keep her happy while you cool off a bit. Many women won't realize that's why you are doing it, they will just think you are an energetic sex machine. It helps if you are REALLY good at Cunnilingus, but you will learn rather quickly if you aren't.  

Another Trick that worked for me was using my big toe to squeeze the next smallest toe on my foot. The pain distracts my brain from the pleasurable sensations. Again, not the best technique, but it has bought me 10-15 minutes or so here and there, sometimes that's all the difference between her her digging her nails into your back and digging her foot into yer ass.

The pre-show wank has always been a good one, but sometimes that can lead to over delayed ejaculation when it comes to the big show. While I like being a stud as much as the next guy, there are some times you just don't need to last 2 hours ( like a 1 hour appointment).

If you master the first trick I mentioned, you can have some seriously crazy fun with an SO/Civvie (I say that because what I am going to suggest makes condoms kind of useless)- with a woman on top (NOT Reverse cowgirl), I can maintain an erection through up to 3-4 of my own orgasms. This requires a TON of lube and a woman both in shape and interested in 2-3 hours of raucous sex. Usually the last one will have you so spent you won't be capable of coherent speech.

Coincidentally, quite a few of my G/F's have had way better toned glutes and calves AFTER we broke up...I wonder why....

for the comments-especially LG/ Humpty-I appreciate the feedback.  I have seen a urologist and have checked out fine-i think the word "discharge" sounds worse than what it really is-it's basically the pre-cum (not sure if this is a real term or not) lube that tends to get excessive when I dont masturbate for a while.  His suggestion focused on the muscle control exercises and not any issue with the pipes-thank god.  I personally believe there's a comfort thing involved too-especially with new partners.  I wouldn't be surprised if there are psychological pieces in play related to performance anxiety from my past here as well as I tend to overthink stuff.

I like Humpty's suggestions as well-just wish there was more time to focus on it.  Ah well, thanks for the feedback...

that you have seen a doc and that this is basically pre-ejaculate. Doing your Kegels - always a good thing.

Actually, seeing a Tantra provider might be another helpful measure,
The Love Goddess

I am grateful to know the LOVE GODDESS has a forum for these types of personal topics.
I am making a study of various modalities to cope with and treat PE and ED.
What can one do in regards to MEDICATIONS that affect virility?

what about the kensy (sp) scale of arrousal:
6 in the mix
7 is almost heaven
8 at the pleasure gate
9 is doing fine
10 YOU WIN
it's been my experience that 6 to 7 is not as as fast as 8 to 10.
By active receptivity you can slow stop start and prolong ejaculation.

licks n kisses DD

Hmmm, DelilahDivine,

Do you mean what YOU can do personally, or what your clients can do if their medications interfere with their "virility?"

The best thing for your client(s) is to discuss this with the treating physician. S/he needs to become aware of these issue in order to change or adjust the medications. What NOT to do is to experiment on one's own - that can have unintended consequences. Physicians are definitely concerned with adverse reactions or side effects, particularly the sexual ones. I find that most practitioners are willing to work with their patients on these issues - the patients just have to be open and candid with their docs.

Hope that works,
The Love Goddess

I agree always seek professional advice when taking medication and the side effects are affecting your life. PLUS contraindications are just that NOT INDICATED TO DO!
like mixing meds with anything NOT prescribed!

Be safe!

Kisses and Licks
the Divine Delilah DEVI MA PURAM