Hi LG

I've met a couple of providers who steer me to licking them well below the clitoral area, actually just inside the vagina itself. Now I do pretty well with several of the other ladies I know - I'm not rough and seem to have decent technique, based on experience with other ladies. I also do not have my ego invested in whether the lady cums, though I do enjoy giving her pleasure. But it seems odd to me that a lady would steer me away from licking around the clitoral area to a spot so far "down"..... is it possible for a lady to enjoy and / or cum from stimulation in this area or are they just steering me away from the clitora area because they dont really like daty, but feel obligated to offer it? I havent wanted to ask them because I did not want to cause offense or seem ignroant... but I'd just as soon not go through the motions if thats all that is going on.... TIA

While the whole thing is a hazy mystery, I met a lady who did the same thing, moved me down from the clitoris to between the clitoris and above the vaginal opening and had a huge O with squirting.  It worked all three times I saw her.  I tried it on my ATF who never seemed to get too excited when I licked/sucked/prodded her clitoris and while I'm not sure she had an orgasm, she was definitely far more aroused than just letting me enjoy as usual.  This is just two ladies, but I plan to try it each time I DATY.  So it may be this is where the ladies you saw have erogenous zones.

Dear HavingAGoodDay,

There is absolutely nothing strange or unusual in these ladies' requests. That's because

a) the clitoris is extremely sensitive and direct stimulation may be too much for some women
and
b) the clitoris isn't just one little "button,"  i.e. the tip of the glans - it's an entire clitoral SYSTEM, with hood, legs [crura] and nerve endings reaching far beyond the genital region - all of which contribute to a woman's orgasm.

In fact, some women are so sensitive that a light pressing and rubbing together of their labia causes the clitoris to become stimulated. Please read this interview with Rebecca Chalker, author of "The Clitoral Truth." Better yet, buy the book.

And yes, you are right - some ladies enjoy cunnilingus less and other activities more. You'll just have to take the cues and follow them, if you really are into pleasing the lady.

Fascinating, to say the least,
the Love Goddess

My ATF's favorite position is my tongue on her clit. That being said, just as in penetrative sex, any position can become tiresome,even painful, after a while.  I move from licking her clit to licking up and down from her asshole across her vagina and anything in between. Fingers gently massaging her clit or moving in and out of her vagina also add to her pleasure. Ultimately she cums when I massage her clit and she prefers my tongue to my fingers but it's all good. In between orgasms I work the area inside her labia while her clit settles down a bit.  Direct stimulation on a gal's clit can be very painful at the wrong time.  My ATF closes her legs when she comes as a involuntary muscle reaction. The trick to reopening them when she is ready seems to be rubbing her ass and licking her nipples...

Then it's on to round two...

-- Modified on 2/1/2009 11:51:09 AM

a statement that should be common sense, but sadly is not. for every 100 women who enjoy a sexual act in a particular way, there are 100 others who enjoy it in 100 completely different ways.

so with that being said, there is nothing "odd" about two women you've been with preferring for you to lick inside the vagina rather than on or around the clitoris.

DATY is not an activity i have ever enjoyed or been able to tolerate easily, mostly for psychological reasons, but there are physical issues as well. one being the fact that my clitoris is extremely sensitive and the lightest direct touch...whether it's a finger or a tongue, causes an irritating, sometimes painful sensation. and for some odd reason, most men who DATY tend to focus on the clitoris and surrounding area...talk about ouchie!! otoh, i am a woman who very much enjoys the sensations of penetration. so if i absolutely was forced at gunpoint to choose a DATY technique preference, it would be for tongue and finger action inside the vagina, keeping well away from the clitoris.

I've had two SOs that HATED fingers inside of their vagina.  I've had a number of SOs that flat out hated cunnilingus (those relationships never lasted long for me, LOL).  I've had ladies that rather just have mutual oral sex all night.  I've had some ladies that just like their clits blown on with a cool stream of air.

There's no "one way" of making all ladies "satisfied."  Then again, isn't exploring half the fun?

There's only so much stimulation a woman can take, and it's not uncommon for commercial sex workers to direct you away from their clitoris.

I dated a couple of CSW's, one for six years and one for four, so I know how many clients they actually saw in a day or week (if they were busy), as opposed to what they may tell you ("I'm very low volume and only see one client a day").  Many times they just were just getting too much physical stimulation for DATY to be enjoyable.  Even if they weren't the victims of some over enthusiastic diner, normal intercourse can make the area sensitive.  On more than one occasion I was asked to kindly skip the foreplay and get to the main course.

She may have enjoyed stimulation in a different area, as has been suggested, in which case she was just making her preference known.  Or she may have been trying to save wear and tear on her clitoris.  If she had seen someone who hadn't shaved closely, it could cause her to be sensitive for a couple days or more.  Some guys can be like sandpaper and really have to be careful not to chafe delicate tissues.

But hey, what do I know... I'm just a cynical, sarcastic, asshole, as has been clearly established in other threads.

-- Modified on 2/3/2009 12:58:39 AM

lilli,

u mention that u find it "odd" that "most men who DATY tend to focus on the clitoris and surrounding area."  there's nothing odd about it.  for students of DATY and those who seek to improve their technique, almost ALL available scientific lit. focuses its attention on the clitoris as a woman's main pleasure center.  hence, most men pay most attention to that area in attempt to insure a satisfactory orgasm in a woman.  mind u, the scientific lit. is written w/the "average" (i.e. majority) woman in mind.  there r exceptions to the rule, such as yourself, who don't need/don't like direct stimulation to the clitoris.

i've also read that stimulation of the inner labia is another pleasure point for "most" women.  Ladies/gents, please share info/experiences w/this most mysterious of phenomena, the female orgasm and the clitoris.  thanks for reading.

Since 2 people are involved, I try to be aware of the subtle messages that she is sending.  Some want me to lick it directly until my tongue is ready to fall off and supplement it with G Spot massage.  Others push me back a bit or tell me too rough and then I focus on the labia, and the hood with a bit of G Spot massage and that has worked very well. It would make me sad if I was doing something that was uncomfortable to them.  I know how great they make me feel and I try to go out of my way to return the favor.  Just because I am paying does not mean that I have carte blanche to be insensitive.

I have no idea why she pushed you down to her vagina, but some women really enjoy stimulation in that area, regardless of how much stimulation they like (or dislike) on the clitoris.

I read reviews, and it seems like some of these guys do DATY "just to do it." DATY should be enjoyable for the woman.  If it is not, then why do it.  What's the point?

Good technique requires going to all areas including thighs and pub area.  If hygiene is an issue, then again -- why bother.

My lady wanting to be flickeringly licked over the hood.... to wanting to be bitten.... to wanting to have her whole clit sucked on and rolled between my lips.... to her riding up and down my nose.... and even not enjoying oral at all.


I've found ladies who like gentle g-spot stimulation with a hooked finger..... multiple fingers.... no fingers.

I've found that if I ask her what she likes, or if I curiously try different things and stick with the ones that are making her rise up against my face and moan.... that chances are I'll have a very wet woman bucking and riding my face until she can't stand it any longer and pulls me in in such passion we both cum and collapse in a sweaty heap!

The secret..... everyone is different.... ask, explore, and observe!  And make sure you both have fun!

just a new guy here so forgive the ignorance.  With all the BBBJ and DATY...how is it that everyone is so adamant about CFS.  Seems like mouth touches penis, mouth touches vagina, but everyone gets so touchy about penis touching vagina???
My momma always said dont drink the pool water, when I asked why, she said that some people pee'd in that pool water....that's how i feel about daty with a sex provider...and that's all I have to say about that.