To start, I am aware that the messages that I've been receiving in the last week, could be BS.  It could be that my POT changed numbers and that someone with her old number is messing with me.  For now, I'm going with the flow until I am able to catch up with her IRL.

 
Had an interesting, if slightly upsetting, development on my pursuit of a special POT.  See the following thread for background:  https://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion-boards/the-erotic-highway-20/irl-connection-to-pot-42740?#42740

 
Her responses to my messages have been a little slower than I'd like.  But, I am aware that she has a very full life.  So, I am patient.  About a week ago, I messaged her, and she responded "Who dis?  I got a new phone and do not have my contacts."  I was a little reluctant, but shared identifying information.  She responded that she would be available to chat later.  Later in the day, I messaged her, inquiring about her day, and the response was 'Horrible day.  I wasn't ignoring you.'.  I asked whether she wanted to vent.  No response.

 
I let a few days pass, and checked in again.  As we had not yet had a formal M&G yet, I provided an overview of my vision for a possible meeting.  No response.

 
A few days later, I followed that up with a proposal for specific dinner plans (day and time - hoping that concrete plans would inspire her).  No response.  The proposed day was today.

 
Needless to say, I was feeling a bit frustrated and bitter.  I was feeling as though I had been ghosted, and had done nothing to deserve it (as I had always been considerate and respectful in my messaging - of course, it wouldn't be the first time though).

 
Today, I sent a message letting her know that I was planning on visiting her area on the weekend, and asking whether I should expect to see her.  In response, I received something to the effect of "Who ever this is, please know that my daughter is in the hospital.  We hope that she will be out in a few days."  Needless to say, this was a bit surprising, shocking and unsettling.  First, to find out that she may have been in the hospital (possibly since the earlier 'Horrible' message).  Second, that her mother may have her phone, and is reading the messages that I'd been sending (trying to set up a M&G with her daughter).

 
The good news is, in all of my messaging I strove to be respectful, thoughtful and (intentionally) obscure in my messaging.  I replied back to today's message expressing my concern and my hopes for her swift recovery.

 
I felt that it was worth sharing this story, to highlight:
1) Be patient.  Which after all, is sort of the creed of the sugar life.  But, don't only be patient in finding POTS.  Be patient in your interactions.  In the words of Doris Day, "Whatever will be, will be.".
2) Be respectful.  It can only pay dividends.  Despite feeling frustrated, rejected and bitter, I made the conscious choice to be kind.  Whatever the outcome, it will all be revealed in time, so there is no harm in being considerate while it plays out.

Or time waster.

Here is my logic.  

She is not saving messages to see she's talked to you on the past or not telling the time to look when you follow up.  

She cannot commit to meet you but her life is in shambles.  Horrible day...  Daughter in the hospital....  All leads up to her asking for money.  Or to sell nudes.  

What I would do.  Send one final message, "you seen to have a lot going on and will not be able to meet anytime soon.  When you do have a chance for a date, let me know.  Hopefully I am free then."

Don't waste anymore time on her.

First of all, your commitment to being patient, respectful and kind is admirable.  And we should all always follow your example, both online and even more so irl.  A young SB recently told me a story about the exact opposite behavior she had experienced with a man from seeking.  She agreed to go to his house, which required some travel, but when she got there she felt ill, unable to continue.  He was totally unsympathetic, very mean to her for wasting his time and refused to give her any money or help her in any way. Very bad behavior on his part. I was surprised she still was willing to meet new people, like me.  But after that bad experience all I had to do was be respectful and kind to win her good graces.

 
But I digress.  You are wondering whether this strange conversation  with your SB was real or some kind of BS from a scammer using her old phone number.  I think it doesn't actually matter.  You should end this and move on.  Some of the women on seeking have lives that are total disasters, for one reason or another.  So even if this woman is totally legit, you probably don't want to get caught up in her life.  I understand that you are playing along for now, to see how it goes.  But there's very little chance of a good outcome, imo.

 
Some of these women have way too much drama going on in their lives and you do not want to get caught up in it.  We often suffer from White Knight syndrome, thinking we can help them and solve their problems.  Don't go down that rabbit hole.

-- Modified on 7/2/2026 10:44:23 AM

As Netnoy and Papa Sweet point out, the "potential" in this POT has dropped to near zero. So legit or scammer, it's time to   move on to better opportunities.  

 
But looking at the story points you lay out; there are some red flags that you may not have seen:  
1. The "New phone - who dys" thing is suspect.  Most phones (I'm most familiar with iPhone) allow backups in the cloud, including contacts and text chat history.  If you lost your phone, you already know once you activate a new device you can restore your last backup within minutes.  
2. The idea that after exchanging several messages with her over time she forgets who you are seems suspect as well. That nature of Gen X, Y etc. is asynchronous texts, where a message may not get a response for several hours or days. Yet the chat participants carry on like the time gaps do not exist. In other words, they do not forget who they are taking to or what they have been discussing while waiting for the next reply.
3. The comment about ignoring you is out of character for this context. Extended response/reply times have been the norm all along.  Why apologize for something that is not unusual?  
4. The hospital story from her parents is also suspect. Unless you are in a coma, being in the hospital would never keep a 20-something from using her phone. And the idea of a sexually active young woman, especially one who is courting a SD, asking her mother to read her texts, let alone ANSWER them, is at best not credible.  

 
One scenario that supports the behaviors above is that she never intended to enter a sugar arrangement and has been trying to find a way to monetize your attention without BCD all along.  

 
Another scenario is that her phone was actually stolen and the thief managed to unlock it. That means you have been talking to an imposter since the "who dys" message.  

 
The least likely scenario is the story you have been given.  

 
But the truth is not all that important, as the end result is this opportunity is crashing down to near zero at full speed. Time to avoid the crash site and drive past it to something more promising,  

 
And as Papa Sweet said, kudos for remaining kind and polite. If there really is a scammer behind this, they may have been trying to find you with phone number look up, name searches, and clues you may have divulged in messages. Once they positively ID you, they would try to blackmail you with your own words. But you were careful not to use any language that could be particularly embarrassing, beyond the fact that you were texting a 20-something for a meet up.  And if she truly is ill, you will still be a concerned, nice guy once she gets back on her feet (so you can put her on her back again .  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

Thank you all for the sobering observations.

 
My plan, is to invest no more effort into the connection.  If she is interested, she knows how to get a hold of me.  

 
Due to the nature of our meeting (IRL), there is a fair chance that I will bump into her again.  Hopefully that will shed more light on the situation.  But, whatever the story, I intend to inquire whether if she were in my shoes, whether she would believe all of the turns of the story.

 
All in all, I'm glad that I resisted the temptation to lash out (I had that impulse) and kept the exchanges between us G rated.

 
If there turns out to be a material change in the situation, I'll update here.