I think I can state that many provider spend only a few years in the buisness and then get out.

I think the reason is that the business is very demanding on the body, mind and soul.  I don't think I could ever put up with it.

Many will continue to work "under the radar" and see previous clients, in fact, well over half of my regulars fall into that catagory right now whereas a year ago they had sites up and were looking for business.

It's a rare provider who thrives on the pressure and they also happen to be among the best providers as well.

Dear DayDreamin,

Maybe you are confusing "jaded" with "having boundaries?" Since we don't know the provider in question, we can't ask her. But, if allowed to speculate, one could surmise that your relationship got too "close," and she felt the need to pull back. It could be those darn boundaries again. In order to avoid becoming entangled in relationships beyond the professional, most providers do separate work from private life. In addition, she may have sensed a desire for a heightened emotional connection coming from you, and she simply had to put the kibosh on it.

It's a harsh but true thing - most providers are not attracted to their clients in the same way that their clients are attracted to providers. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi [egads, that really was another century] would say, in his cute Indian accent: "Eeevvreting is an illusion." Part of the provider's task is to create a very convincing phantasy of being extremely turned on by the client. If she is successful, the client will project whatever it is he can draw from that phantasy upon the provider. This doesn't mean that there is no caring involved, and that the provider is calculating, cold and evil. On the contrary. The most successful providers DO care about their regular clients. But while YOU were seeing HER exclusively, the situation was not the same for her. In your illusion, she was the only one for you. In hers, you were a nice client with whom she had a nice rapport, which included a SENSE of caring. But a sense is not the real thing, just the same as the majority of client-provider relationships are not the real thing. If it were, you'd stop paying, she'd stop charging and you'd end up on the couch together wearing bunny slippers and eating Doritos while watching television. And having sex on completely different terms.

Just curious though; if she's "one of your favorite people in any context," why cut your nose to spite your face? If you begin meeting with other providers, maybe you'll find yourself in the same pickle?  

Jaded providers might be a different thread,
the Love Goddess

Taken in a literal sense, I'm not sure that judging whether a provider is jaded is any different than placing such a tag on any other person at all.  It is highly subjective to say the least.

When someone is worn out from doing something that they have performed for a long time and their apparent interest to continue to perform at a previously observed high level has waned to the point that they are burnt out then it would seem that such a person has become jaded relative to their job.  On the other hand such an observation may actually find its roots in a temporary situation such as stress, not feeling well, i.e. just having a bad day.  So it would seem that it would only be fair to observe a  change over a long period of time or several occurrences before describing the person as jaded.  This is my opinion on your first three questions.  However you ending paragraph is another story for me altogether...

Based on your description, what comes through to me is not so much a story of a jaded provider but that of a disappointed hobbyist; one who may have mistakenly perceived his relationship to be on a different level than how the lady viewed the relationship.  You say she is one of your favorite people in any context but you rather not see her in a pure provider/client relationship.  In the context of her job, that of a provider, you are in fact not viewing her with any favor whatsoever.  She may be performing her job just as well as she always has and in fact she may not be the least bit jaded at all.  You on the other hand may have allowed your feelings to define what you thought was a 360-degree friendship when in fact she never felt the same way at all.  All things being equal I suppose she could have led you on with the purpose of making you feel like she cared. So the question you need to answer for yoyurself is if you really think this is the case.  If not, she is not jaded in her job at all but rather you have become jaded to her because you built a false foundation of friendship beyond the provider/client relationship that was never there.  

Remember that a lot of what a provider does is acting, and the best providers are the best at it.  And it is acting that is especially difficult because it involves the most intimate activities and the role has to change by the hour, depending on the client, what he wants, etc.  It should not be surprising if a provider gets jaded, leaves the business, or takes a break.  That is true for any tough job.

even the best actors sometimes enjoy their roles.

. . . you're just another client if you didn't interact outside of the hobby or she didn't share her private life with you.

I think you need a girlfriend.

Same EXACT thing happened to me - she just broke it off and now refuses to see me anymore.  Problem was I crossed the line and now regret it.  I had a GREAT fantasy going - knew it would never pan out in the end - knew it was business on her part, but went a little to far and got too personal.  Seemed like such a little transgression, even a nice gesture to show I cared but she viewed it differently. Never even got a chance to apologize or say I was wrong and sorry.   Live and learn..... now looking for a new ATF )-;

The labels "hobbyist" and "provider" in this case are not describing inanimate objects like "axle" and "wheel" which, if made to spec, can be relied on to perform in an expected way.
The X factor is people, livng humans--who will perform based on a variety of intangible factors: fatigue, emotions, and the actions of OTHER people.

What men and women each want from the hobby are two DIFFERENT things--what women want from the hobby is pretty consistent (exceptions exist, of course) and, on the surface, what men want SEEMS consistent--but the factors that drive them to the hobby are many.

A provider can, hopefully, help him fill the gap--but it's temporary--for the time alotted. And let's face it, it's the day-to-day relationship stuff, the unromantic stuff, that drives a lot of men to hobby in the first place. A good provider provides a great fantasy--enjoy it while you're with her. But like a movie, when the credits roll, it's time to step back out into the light of day...

You mention not wanting to see her become like her friend, but you feel that is the path she is on.  In reality you can't be certain of that unless shes telling you she has no savings, no goals, and no aspirations that she is currently working toward.  You may be *assuming* that she is going nowhere slowly because she has decided to work full time and you see no evidence of her future plans.  If she is working full time then she has the potential to make a lot of money.  It's easy to be irresponsible with the money like her friend, but it is also easy to be responsible and prepare for the future.  If she hasn't told you which side of the fence she's on, don't *assume* just hope for the best for her.  She's not obligated to clue you in on her future plans and may have chosen to keep them private for the time being.

Simone

I just went through it, it sucks but life goes on.  Fortunately or unfortunately LG always seems to hit the nail on the head.  I've got my former ATF's former best friend calling and emailing me like crazy now.  I guess I marked myself as an easy source of good income.  This time things will be different!! lol  I guess it is all part of the Kennedy curse.

-- Modified on 3/22/2007 9:37:50 PM

This has been a terrific thread!

Here's a crazy idea for you:

Make an appointment with her sometime and pay her as usual, but tell her, "No sex today - let's just talk."...and stick to that.

See how she (and you) react.

What is she, and what are you, like when you're not acting in the usual old stage play?

Would this be a useful, albeit dangerous, way to sort out and help resolve your feelings?

What do you have to lose...and gain?

I tried to picture myself in this situation, it wasn't easy, but here's the best I could come up with.    First, it'd be pretty hard to keep my clothes on, but if I could, it might get real interesting.    Most of us experienced hobbiests have no problem at all sharing our deepest sexual desires with a provider, stuff we wouldn't share with any other person anywhere. We'll also readily talk about other relationships, or most any other personal stuff. What we don't usually do is talk about 'me and you' on a heart to heart level. That's a whole different perspective, even more personal than sex. Considering the past history, it could be difficult to break the ice, and even more so to get down to the deepest level of conversation.  But I'd bet it'd be worth it in the end.

A while ago I met regularly with a provider I became extremely fond of.  She had a difficult outside situation and we often talked about it, while the minutes ticked away, leaving only time for a rushed climax.  To remedy, I purchased more minutes which sometimes worked, sometimes didn't.  In addition to her great professional skills, she was a committed Christian evangelical, and as a measure of her sincere liking for me often said, "I truly believe that you're going to hell because you're not a believer, and because you're a good guy I'd like to save you."  On one occasion, just as I was coming, she said quite fervently "you must accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior." Fortunately she also had a sense of humor, and the scene was so hilarious and ridiculous that we both burst out laughing, producing a memorable session but less than a physically satisfying result. So, extended conversations are part of a deeper relationship, but they won't always leave you drained and happy.

I have gone to a provider and handed over the money and said "no sex, let's talk today...maybe go get coffee, etc.   This is someone that got my "provider cherry" - the first woman I'd been with in 15 years.  While we had a very good relationship with sex - fun, laughing, etc., she certainly wasn't prepared for this!   She looked at me for about 30 seconds and didn't say anything.  In fact I was just about to say "did you hear me?" when she said "ok"..whatever you want.   I gave her my envelope and "unloaded" a bunch of stuff I've always wanted a woman to hear but couldn't say to my wife - or at least I know she wouldn't have WANTED to hear.   So my ATF listened, we discussed my feelings and she said "let's go get that coffee."  She called an cancelled an appointment to get her hair done and we talked for about 3 hours!  That's double the time I had booked.   She also told me a few things too.   She offered me my money back!! and I told her "no way" you earned it.  She gave me a very personal kind of hug and kiss on the cheek.  That absolutely made my entire day and strangely gave me a hard-on of AAA quality!  We got together the next day and it was really special / better.

Interesting perspective, LG.  Let me give you another...

You know there's one provider I have seen who I just went gaga over the first time I met her.  She told me to call her, stay in touch etc after I left - which I did attempt, but we ended up playing phone tag - and I just felt like I was barking up the wrong tree.  She even told me, being bald, that I reminded her of her x boyfriend and that SHE felt bald men were sexy.  Needless to say, I left that session feeling very charged up.

I have moved on - but recently wrote a flattering review of her - and then she pops back up - "let's catch up" - again playing phone tag - she tells me shes coming back to my home range...and that she misses me??

What I'm foreshadowing is that I think providers may intentionally or unintentionally bait their clients into THINKING their interests go beyond the moment...and in that regard, I believe - being a recently emancipated newbie - that hobbyists should always be careful to remember (as somebody once else said) "its a NSA, fuck for bucks deal".

As regards the provider in question, I'm not really sure I'm going to see her when she comes back in town, because I get the sense she's screwing with my (big) head....

The Spoo