Hi there BackDoorGirl,
It seems you are very aware of your phantasies! Good for you! And it just proves one thing - it never boils down to just looks, and having sex is a two-way street (unless you're masturbating alone of course.) The DDG guy's pheromones may not turn you on...it could be the way he holds you - or avoids eye contact...or acts a certain way. Pure and simple, there's no accounting for chemistry except, well, chemistry.
Also, when you're with an "average joe," there isn't so much pressure to participate in the perfect phantasy on your end. In other words, if you two don't look like the cover of a Harlequin romance or a Calvin Klein ad, so what? But I think that we women (yes, there is a slight bias here, folks) get our panties in quite a bunch when we meet a true Adonis. All that plumage! I think we unconsciously start to look a little too closely at our seams and try to 'measure up.' And especially in a provider-client situation, he's the one who solicited you - based on photos, reviews, etc. So there's perhaps a little more pressure involved when a real looker of a guy wanders into your space.
And maybe, maybe that cliché is true: plain looking boys always try harder to get the pretty girl. And maybe that thought is operating in the back of your mind. In my own travels, I sure have found it to be true!
Love Goddess (the ancient)
BackDoorGirl,
Providers (God bless them) have made a decision to allow themselves to have sex with anyone - ugly or good looking, crude or polite.
This is an admirable quality. You allow yourself to be non-judgmental. How many other areas of society really are? You've trained your brain and are used to performing this. You "turn frogs into princes" every day.
But now, as you tell it, along comes someone totally different - a true Adonis, whom you maybe feel really attracted to. This is no frog - he's a real prince!
Suddenly: this is an entirely different problem confronting you. And your brain, I think, is, very understandably, acting self-protectively. "Hey, wait a minute, BDG. You better be careful here. You could fall in love with this guy. And you probably shouldn't. He's maybe married. Or if he isn't, he's not the type to be loyal to you - he'll screw around."
So now, you have a conscious decision to make. Do you want to go with your subconscious? Maybe it's right. Or, do you want to take a chance and let yourself go with this guy?
Only you know which choice you really want. But you have to decide.
If you decide you want the latter, to let yourself go with him, your subconscious will almost certainly continue to resist you. So, here's how you control it. Just imagine the Adonis is what you're used to - ugly or essentially unappealing.
I'm entirely serious about this - this is not a joke. It's what psychoanalyst Viktor Frankl called 'paradoxical intention'. Love Goddess has alluded to this brain technique in a few prior posts.
If you want to relate to this prince, you may have to convince your mind he's a frog. You can absolutely do this (just as you've successfully done the reverse). See, smell, taste, feel his inner frog.
If you don't believe you can think this, it's probably because you have the fear (which many people have) that "He'll know what I'm thinking". [Teenage boys have the same problem -they think their mother will read their mind and know they're constantly thinking about sex. That's why they're often anxious and withdrawn.]
But, no - he truly will not know what you're thinking. Nobody can really read anyone else's mind.
And don't ever tell him (until maybe months later, when, if things go as you maybe you hope, you'll know him really, really well.)
Prince or frog? It's all up to you.
Because you've so kindly turned so many frogs into princes, you've earned well your right to turn any prince you want...back into your own personal frog.
So, if you want him, kiss your frog.
Greg
-- Modified on 1/23/2007 4:29:28 AM
