Hi LG,

I saw a few posts below that sound somewhat similar to a problem that I've been having.

There are some differences, however.

I've been to a few providers, 5 to be exact, and my experience has been less than happy.

I seem to be over sensitive, and find excessive stimulation to be downright painful.

I virtually begged them to be much more gentle with me, to no avail.

The end result was that I couldn't finish, the lady would start to get frustrated and use even more vigor, until I have to say "ow, please stop".

I'm at loss to comprehend, am I that different from other guys? Do others get off that much more easily? Am I doing something wrong here?

I find that if a lady touches my male appendage before I feel aroused, then it only feels uncomfortable, I need to be worked up first.

Your help is much appreciated.

Regards,
DBC

Dear DerangedButCool,

I'm curious to find out what happens if you are stimulated while wearing a condom. Does it still hurt? Does the flick of a tongue hurt? Are we talking harsh handjobs? One simple finger touching your penis? What EXACTLY is it that they do that is to painful?

Until we know exactly what you're talking about, it's hard to provide more accurate solutions to the problem. Meanwhile, any tension experienced psychologically can surely manifest itself physiologically. They don't call it psychosomatic for nothing, ya know.

One solution to all this is for you to NOT do anything with a provider until you feel very, very comfortable. Or rather, she should just be very passive and let you do things to her until you feel OK about it.

If you could describe the mode of action, it would be even more helpful,
the Love Goddess

Its a good news/bad news thing.

When I cum I cum VERY hard (intensely).  OK, the volume is not there anymore but still its earth shattering to me.  The BAD news is that I become VERY sensitive during and immediately after the O.  This is not bad news if the lady is in tune with it but if she continues to suck hard (usually only an issue during BJs - I can control things when fucking usually and hand jobs are only 'do it yourself' projects).  I've been with a couple women (one civvie in particular and a couple of providers) that kept on keeping on even after I was obviously starting to experience discomfort.  I guess they were going for the max sensation, although I think the civvie in particular sort of was enjoying turning the extasy I just had in cumming down her throat into pain (she was history after that btw).  
MVR

Hi LG,

Good question, it's not easy to describe, but I'll try.

Essentially, I find any action to be too rough, yes including the flick of a toungue - when it's flexed, which they seem to invariably do, you know, such that it takes on an almost cylindrical or rounded conical shape, and isn't it's softest, like when flat - and certainly rough handwork, squeezing and pumping too damn forcefully.

It's this way with or without a condom.
I just don't dig being handled roughly.

Incidentally, it's not painful 100% of the time, but it becomes that way frequently during the action.

Most of the time, it just plain doesn't turn me on.

Also, they usually start handling my appendage before it's hard, or as it's becoming that way.

I've discovered that just being erect isn't the same thing as being (fully) aroused.

I can be hard without really feeling the "itch" right away, and if a lady handles it before I feel the "itch", then nothing will happen.

Is this that unusual? Is something wrong with me?

Once again, your help is appreciated, and apologies for the verbosity.

Regards,
DBC

No DerangedButCool,

There is nothing wrong with you. Absolutely nothing! I wonder if you are circumcized or intact? Intact men usually have more sensitivity than circumcized men. Even so, you may be a little more sensitive than the average guy.

My suggestion is that you take control over your pecker at a very early stage, and also communicate immediately that you are very sensitive. Most providers are professionals and will accommodate your wishes just fine. Of course, we have no idea with whom you've been visiting...are these gals that want it over with quickly? Maybe someone who takes her time is more up your alley?

On the other hand, if this sensitivity persists in all cases, even when you touch the penis yourself, then maybe a visit to the doc might be a good idea. Otherwise, it's just an individual thing and nothing to worry about. The penis is SUPPOSED to be a sensitive organ. Those pornstars in the movies, why, they shmear all sorts of substances on their penises just to hang in there for the camera. But in real life...yikes, it's a sensitive organ, full of nerve endings!

You are TOTALLY NORMAL, promise,
the Love Goddess

Hi LG,

Thank you for the kind reply. Ironically, I am circumsized.

I've always tried to find providers with a reputation for not rushing, but I get the impression that they think that's what a guy wants, even when I specifically request otherwise.

Also, I don't have this problem when handling myself, I'm a lot more tender with my tender parts!

I guess I just have to keep trying to find the right lady.

Thx agn for your help,
DBC

P.S.
Your provider study is very nicely done! Bravo!

Providers think they know a lot better than you do generally, because they have been with tons of guys, and generally guys want the opposite, MORE stimulation, to finish.

So, you need to be FIRM (lols) with them. Seriously. I know everyone here carries on about how these women are goddesses and need to be put on pedestals, but you have to remember that you are dealing with a whore who you are paying to please you. I'm sure if you were getting bad customer service in a different setting you would speak up, right?

You need to take charge and tell them what you want. They aren't mind readers. You can't be subtle either. If you say it once and they don't listen, then just interrupt the action and tell them again, but be sure to tell them when they are doing something RIGHT as well as WRONG. If she is giving you head the right way, you should talk dirty or whatever to say that is how you want it.

Lord knows that the providers I have been to all wanted to be treated like fragile virgin flowers.

Another strategy that might work for you is to find a girl you are very attracted to, and just train her by becoming a regular. A girl might not "get it" right away, so you can, through disciplined and consistent positive and negative reinforcement when she does things that work and don't work for you, train her to provide you with exactly what you are looking for.

Just a thought ... Find a provider you connect   with more then you obviously did the others and try instructing her.

I think a whoremonger is someone who sees a LOT of whores, and I've only seen a few, but I might make it there someday! If I thought prostitution was morally wrong, I wouldn't have done it the first time, so I wouldn't mind being a whoremonger if I end up really liking it.

Is whore derogatory, though? I mean, I know it can be used in derogatory ways, but is every use of it automatically derogatory? Is it like saying "fag" instead of homosexual or gay? Or, is it more like saying "queer" which may or may not be derogatory depending on the context?

I always thought of it as the slang term for prostitute like "hooker". Of course it isn't bending over backward to be deferential like saying "provider" or "escort". My point was for the poster to be less deferential and more assertive, though.

like we are dogs... Is that what you think?  Seriously is that what you think of us.. We are whores (less then human) In need of your discipline? Is it just me or does this make us all look bad? Just a thought.

Yes your whole  post reads as though you are dehumanizing us. Like dogs.

If I were you, lawfin,

I would rein in my youthful enthusiasm and drop these kinds of epithets. "Whore" is a very sexuo-politically charged word, much like "nigger." Some pro-sexual feminists, particularly prostitutes themselves (yes, please use "prostitute," since this is the sociological definition) have called themselves "whores" in a politically confrontive context, (c.f. "Niggaz Wit Attitude"), but it's not especially polite of you to call someone "a whore" since the word has become extremely negative.

The schoolyards today are full of middle school boys, yes folks, MIDDLE SCHOOL, who shriek at girls using this word. It's basically the same as calling someone a "cunt," which is also not very polite or pleasant. Unfortunately, through the cultural epidemic of the Internet, iPods, films, tv-shows, etc. this rather ugly practice has spread to other Western countries. Now you can go to Germany, Britain and Scandinavia and hear precisely the same 12 year old boys yelling the word "whore" at little 10 year old girls when they want to state their position for whatever silly little schoolyard tiff there may be.

Thousands of people visit TER every day and many of those read this board - also thousands, cumulatively. Because I am the moderator on this board, a sex educator at large and yes, a political opinion maker (every time I lecture at a college, I have a chance to change the world a little), I try to make the world a nicer and more friendly place from a sexual standpoint.

I think we can all agree that the power of language is undeniable and that words gain or lose in semantic strength throughout generations. The word "pimp" is another mutating curiosity in contemporary speech, although I don't find it surprising that when boys call each other "pimp," it connotes something hip and cool. But of course, many young males who are raised without good role models (a father can be a poor role model even if he's at home every day and not drinking/drugging or beating his wife), develop no skills for managing conflict through assertion rather than aggression. And so their diction gets tied to their rising levels of testosterone, their frustration and their inability to understand what makes for a better society in terms of resolving both inner and outer conflict. . And then they resort to words like "whore" and "fag" and direct this to either girls or effeminate boys, sometimes with most unfortunate consequences.

The above is of course, another topic altogether and should be debated elsewhere. But because the word "whore," much like the word "nigger" has mutated into something that is used to oppress a class of people, at this point, any young woman who chooses to be outspoken, free and yes, sexually active with whomever she chooses - I would suggest that we as mature and insightful individuals drop this from our vocabulary, both on this board and in the world out there.

Finally, I will have to say that I am very proud of our regular posters on this board. We  have a tenor here that is extremely respectful, very intelligent, cultured and insightful. This is often in contrast to other boards, where the flames are lit at a dizzying pace and excessive anger often permeates the writing. I am amazed at our posters here who almost always take the high road and try to understand and empathize with the other posters. I have not seen this consistent behavior on any other board on this site, and surely not on any other board dealing with commercial sex. So in the spirit of noblesse oblige, let us all refrain from words like "whore." You obviously don't say it to the lady providing the services, so why say it here or elsewhere?

Thank you and that was the word on respect for today,
the Love Goddess


-- Modified on 10/6/2008 7:30:08 AM

He's only seen a few providers and now HE is an expert? You know, I've been doing this a long long time, definatly not a youngster. I can tell you from my experience it's chumps like you that make a provider cringe afterwards. UGH.

I completly agree that communication is key in providing a great experience however, YOUR kind of communication is best left for dogs and blow up dolls. Pompous putz.

MEOW!

I had no idea the word "whore" was as charged as LG wrote, especially since I have seen it thrown around plenty in a non-insulting way on this and other sites. Since LG corrected me, I'm happy to refrain from using it.

Things like very basic positive/negative reinforcement, simply saying no and yes, are staples of teaching anything, from simple to complex, to people young and old, and of any intelligence level. Providers certainly do it with me, letting me know if something is too hard, and then letting me know when it is 'just right'. That doesn't dehumanize me or make me feel like a dog. The only reason I brought it up was to advise the original poster to remember to give positive as well as negative, since from his posts it appeared that he was only giving negative and then getting frustrated when the girl did not correct things right away.

As for discipline, I think it was obvious that I was referring to self-discipline to speak up consistently, as opposed to any physical discipline/punishment, which would be extremely inappropriate.

If a provider doesn't want to listen to clients when they say she is doing something that is wrong for them, then the guy won't be happy and he will go elsewhere, and will probably give a bad review.

I certainly take orders from the people who cut my paycheck. Of course people can cross the line and go too far, but the general rule is that when someone pays for my time, I do the best I can for them.

How many ways this post is foul, rude and totally degrading to the women in this business.  I think you need someone to "get firm" with you after some of the statements you have put forth here.  

Train?  What the hell?  You sound like one of those lunatics we hear about on the news every now and then who has some poor woman stashed in a homemade dungeon who claims he was training her to "act right".

Lea

I'm sure you'll have many friends with this post. Good luck on getting appointments with the ladies who care about who they are alone with. Look up the term misogynist in the dictionary...your pic is right there little boy.

I tried, but somehow the message just doesn't seem to get across.

and insulting. Well I find that simply amazing but I am so glad you learned something about respect and human relationships.

-- Modified on 10/7/2008 3:34:02 AM

For clearly stating your feelings about this.  I wimped out with restrained responses. This guy is obviously clueless. Seems to think he is eloquent but comes across as naive, superficial and very immature.

I can look at the pics and tell what type of service women provide! THEY are not the problem....YOU ARE! There are plenty of us whores out there who like what you propose. It's up to YOU to know what you want and choose accordingly.

I imagine handcuffs, dog collar, roll of tape to quickly  cover her mouth if she speaks without permission. You are a nice guy, and the whip you picked out isnt as wicked as some may think, and you have some grapes and orange slices on a plate for rewarding the poor pet. If she does what she is told, you give her an orange slice and this TRAINS her that good things happen to those who follow your orders. If she is a nice girl, she can have a sip of water too.