The first woman I met on SA was and still is married. I don’t remember what her profile said, but it has worked out well for me over several years. There have been no complications.
I've seen a few profiles near me, maybe 6-8 active within 2-3 days when I search (out of around 800 "regular" filtered results).
Most never explain the nature of their open relationship n the profile. Nor do they show pics of the partner; BF, GF, hubby, other SD's/SM's, etc. Those that have explained generally sort into three categories:
- 1. Most often: Lesbian GF that is OK with the POT taking an SD, presumably for the cash. These usually do not offer three-way potential. This, oddly enough, is how my current #1 rolls, though she used "Single" as her profile status. She tells me she is bi and I have no reason to doubt her. But she also has one (or more), if not GF's, then GOOD friends who are all lesbians (i.e.: Not at all bi). So three ways with her and one of her friends in not a possibility.
- 2. Less often: Hubby/BF that she claims is a voyeur and likes to watch his wife/GF get off with another guy. Side case: I think I saw one where the guy was bi and so the couple was looking to add an SD for three way fun as long as he funded and didn't mind M to M interaction. These are usually not swingers, as they do not expect the SD to bring along a female to the mix.
- 3. Least often: She's married but he doesn't mind if she plays. Not swingers - maybe they believe they are both Poly? And this includes those who show "Married by looking" status, though those tend to be a POT stepping out/cheating on her current partner.
About a year ago, I messaged one of the 2nd group - he doesn't mind if she plays - and asked her how she saw an arrangement working out. Never got a reply, but wasn't blocked, either.
Anyone here ever get to a M&G, or actually made it to an arrangement with one or more of these? I'm not talking about SB's who have an undisclosed (or disclosed later) BF. This is about POT's whose profile is status is "Open Relationship" or "Married But Looking."
If you did a M&G, what happened. If you moved on to an arrangement, how did that work out?
Life is good
The Cat
I avoid asking about their other lives ... but some volunteer. One of the SB's I saw was an admitted lesbian. She wouldn't invite SDs to her place because "boundaries." One SB talked a bit about her boyfriend so I knew she had one. And one SB had a male "friend" with benefits which I assume was lesser status than a boyfriend. Other than that the SBs I've seen either didn't have a steady or didn't talk about it. None of them advertised their status in their ads. So haven't seen the cases you are referring to.
As I'm married, in principle, "open relationship" works. Avoid "separated" as that equals potential drama. No interest in another guy watching me bang his wife. Almost hooked up with a lesbian looking for a SD, but she didn't follow through.
My first SB back in 2014'ish was married. Her husband was a lawyer and a "professional poker player". We met at her place in the afternoon and when he was away on business or at tournaments. Drained his wine cellar and slept in his bed. It was a crazy time in my life as I just got out of a 5-year affair with a co-worker. SB was an absolute sex fiend. Fun 6 months, but had to end it as this older SB literally wanted too much time. She didn't take "no" very well and had some emotional issues. Emailed me for a year after I stopped seeing her to come fuck her.
Sexy Dominican SB. Married and wanted to get back at her husband for cheating. Too genuine. Used her work email address, real name and real cell phone. Figured she was too careless, so let her go after a few months. Too bad because the sex and body were great. Sure enough...her husband called my burner phone about a year later and left a threatening message. As the message was vague, I did not worry as I am careful to hide my identity. Called her to ask "WTF" and learned that her husband literally called every number on her cell phone bill for the last 2 years after he discovered that she was cheating as well.
Met a SB who advertised "open marriage". Did the coffee M&G x 2; and she offered to host for our initial BCD. Professional, smart, but just above average looking. Holy shit, unbeknown to me, her husband was home when I arrived. Never saw him, but she called to assure him that I was "normal and safe". He slipped out a back door as we drank some wine. They literally had a sex room in the basement. Whips, chains, costumes and things I didn't recognize. Did not enjoy the encounter and was overly concerned that I was being filmed. She was also a domme and well, I don't like being spanked. It was a "one and done".
Recent "open marriage" SB. Had very specific requirements for sex around her kids activities. Her corridors of time were more restrictive than mine which caused logistical challenges. Russian, tall and sexually open, nice body, but the logistics didn't work.
And just 2 days ago, found out that a recycled current SB is married. Wanted to send her a XMAS gift and asked if that was OK, but would need name and delivery address. Of course I Googled her name and found a marriage notification from last summer along with her and hubby's picture. Addy for gift is different than spouse/marriage location. Still pondering next steps. Will definitely not confront, but may not continue to see her.
Count me in for the Vegas roundtable and seminar!
Sounds like you have the widest experience set in this space... and sadly, it's mostly less than ideal.
Interesting that you find so many, or do they find you? Makes me wonder if one tends to find oneself with a married/attached SB when one is married/attached as well? Kind of like how often a guy gets hit on by women right after he gets married? I don't understand the psychology of the married "cheating" with married as well as I do the 18-25+ single woman who has the perfect combination of cash + Daddy issues.
I've certainly had past SB's who left me and ultimately got married. The last one called me to tell me she was pregnant. I did the time math and it was very possible it was mine. But she assured me it was not. She was a webcam model at the time, and after being raised in a strict religious family, she was cutting loose big time and hooking up in as many scenarios as she could imagine: SD's, random bar pick ups, other webcam models, pulling a 10-guy train at a parties, rave hookups, etc... it was crazy. But she completely abandoned all that once she got pregnant and 4 months later they were married and setting up house in the burbs north of San Jose. I also found her wedding announcements and wedding registry. I would have bought them a gift, but I sensed she was making a clean break and my gift might require her to make some uncomfortable explanations. Still, her old IG is still up, but hasn't been updated since she converted to loving housewife.
Life is good
The Cat
Agree that the "Married, but Looking" and "Open Relationships" haven't worked out so well. I've learned and evolved. Initially figured that SB's in these categories would pose less of a risk than a single woman. However, by far, my best arrangements have been with single SB's.
I was on SA for about a month in the summer of 2019. I got mail from a very attractive mature woman, and we traded words on the site, then went private email. Communication was long and drawn out, and she played it close to the vest, not revealing all the details until we'd met over drinks and she'd decided that "I'd do". She was married, and wanted a lover, but her hubby got to watch. Or the hubby was a perv and had talked her into exhibitionism. She was never crystal clear on that, but it all worked out marvelously. Arrangements were made to meet at a bar...the hubby, her, and me. He seemed amazed that I showed up, but was very gracious and buddy buddy. After drinks we retired to their nice home, where he disappeared never to be seen again, and she jumped my bones. She was smokin' hot, a passionate lover, and an incredible kisser. We did this little adventure like three times before she ghosted on me. I suspect he watched from the darkened patio, thru the undraped slider.
The first woman I met on SA was and still is married. I don’t remember what her profile said, but it has worked out well for me over several years. There have been no complications.