One thing I try when I see something amiss is I say, "Nice. I'm busy this week but let's check back next week to see how things look." Most of the time they get the message, or they will find someone else; and if not you can figure out some other excuse. Chicks do this a lot especially in vanilla world.
You see a profile that interests you, You DM her and begin a nice conversation. Then she sends you more pictures and you realize, yikes! you are not attracted at all! What do you do? This usually occurs in my experience when I find a "curvy" who only posts head shots and who is genuinely a very pretty girl, facially at least. We've all found some truly attractive SBs who mis-characterize themselves as curvy but who are actually quite slim. That, and the relatively low number of SBs in my area, keeps me going back to the curvy well to see if I can find some hidden gems. It's a risk I'd rather not take at all, but there you are. And when you do finally see a full body shot and realize they are extremely overweight, then what? I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, it feels terrible and it's mean. How do you back down gracefully? I suppose an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. I should simply refrain from messaging any SBs who only post head shots!
Chicks ghost all the time for whatever reason.
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Also these women know from experience that once they send accurate pictures the sort of response it has gotten in the past. If you are suddently making lame excuses they can figure it out. So ghosting is just a shortcut to the same effect. Might as well take the shortcut.
One thing I try when I see something amiss is I say, "Nice. I'm busy this week but let's check back next week to see how things look." Most of the time they get the message, or they will find someone else; and if not you can figure out some other excuse. Chicks do this a lot especially in vanilla world.
I'm not a fan of ghosting, unless I know or strongly suspect "she" is a scammer.
Sure, you probably would not have even started with her if you had seen that pic earlier. But treating her like shit just because she hasn't learned how to present her "best self " seems harsh and cruel. There are plenty of SD's who like BBW's. And she can learn how to find them with experience.
So what to do? Look, she knows she's big. It's no secret to her. Go with kind honesty and let her know you prefer a slimmer look. Thank her for her time and wish her luck in her search. Then move on. Don't block her, just move on.
Life is good
The Cat
They weren't born yesterday. A rejection is a rejection. If you think some patronizing lame excuse making is going to make them feel any better than ghosting, well, I think you are wishcasting.
But my suggestion falls in line with my overarching philosophy of "never burn bridges."
It costs me nothing to be nice. And fat chicks can lose weight.... ok it doesn't happen very often... but still...maybe she has a hot sister? :p
Life is good
The Cat
I agree. While I would acknowledge that some extreme situation would warrant it, and I would do it - in general, ghosting is a dick move. It maybe be the way for online dating and the millennial (immature) world, but there is generally no excuse for it. All you need to do is communicate directly.
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I set up a m&g with a POT SB. She was of Greek heritage with a body that was more BBW than not. We agreed to meet for a drink and I drove about an hour to meet here on a Sunday night. Her prep for the date was a quick shower, and when she arrived her long black hair was slightly wet and combed straight back. Her look was overwhelming and not in a good way. We shared a drink and ultimately I told her genuinely that "I wasn't feeling any potential connection." I then placed two benjamins on the bar and told her that after I left and she paid the tab, the excess was for her (and a tip). That's about it. I tried to make a disappointing situation as good as possible for the both of us. She later texted me and thanked me again for the drink.
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For all of us out there that have been ghosted upon - fuck that. It's a child's move.
Let's be clear, ghosting is crummy (SD or SB) however just DMing someone on-site to say hello and requesting pics is not ghosting if you don't like what you see or hear.
Ghosting is when you create a reasononable expectation of future communication such as if you agree to meet someone and then no show no text. Or if you have been DMing her for days or weeks and suddenly stop.
IME if she only has head shots, dollars to donuts she is overweight. And if she only has body shots she probably has a face made for radio.
In my limited experience, any woman advertising "curvy" with no body photos is fat and embarrassed by it. I have never encountered a "curvy" gal who turned out to be really slim. If she is just buxom, there will usually be some body photos (hopefully representative of her current size). Only a couple have actually panned out that way.
The "embarrassed by it" part can be worse, because any negative reaction that you can't hide will block any real intimacy. You are a better actor than I am if you can cover it up. Unless you show some attraction because of her weight, the embarrassment can be worse than anything else unless that weight type is your thing. Early in my hobbying habit, I met a woman who broke down in tears telling me that she knew she wasn't attractive, and that she was an immigrant single mom only doing this because it was the only way that she could provide for her special needs kid. I felt horrible, and this still qualifies as my worst meeting ever. I wish I knew a graceful way to back down, but I settled for just holding her for about 25 minutes out of the schedule hour and then leaving without making a fuss.
The BBG thing hasn't been my attraction, and I am more in danger of finding an anorexic woman with implants advertising as "slender" or something like that, but so far that is never happened.
-- Modified on 1/3/2022 7:05:45 PM
As our wise elders point out, sugar is still dating and it's still a relationship so those rules still apply. If it were a pro and you had an appointment.. well that's a different story (I think you could back out if she were flagrantly not as advertised).
Both you and the gal have a right to choose your partner in this game. It's certainly fair to say, 'I enjoyed meeting you but don't feel we are a match,' or 'I don't think we have the right chemistry.' These are tried and true ways to back away and both parties use them all the time. So don't feel bad.
I just got dumped by a SB who texted me after a BCD that I was "sweet" and "thanks for giving her the chance to meet me" then she ghosted me lol so you could try that!
My go-to strategy is to tell the woman I've decided to pursue a relationship with someone else, and wish her the best of luck in her search. Seems to work, and every so often I'll get a text out of the blue to enquire if the door might be open again. Sometimes it is.
I have only needed to back down only once after I was no longer happy with an SB. I told her that my financial situation had changed for the worse and that I was no longer able to afford her allowance. It worked like a charm... She has only written to me once over Christmas to keep in touch, but that has been it.
Of course, if I want to see her again, I can always contact her and let her know that my financial situation has improved....
I think I got this strategy from one of Herbcat´s posts. Or, it might have been someone elses...