I'm trying to deconstruct where things went wrong with a couple POTs I was messaging with recently... There were 2 in particular that were physically EXACTLY my type and that I would have loved to see on a regular basis. They read my profile, seemed interested and we exchanged a couple messages. Then both of them asked the same vague, open-ended question... "So what exactly are you looking for?"  

The first, who was total unicorn material, I was the most honest with my response and a maybe a little too TMI. It was a very clean, non-explicit response, but probably too long and there was never any response and the communication ended there.  

For the 2nd SB, I had a similar but much more abbreviated version of the first response, basically saying that I was looking for a nice, pretty, fun girl who would enjoy spending time with me once or twice a month. I figured it was a pretty generic response to keep the conversation flowing and then again... crickets.  

Wondering if my approach was/is off and I should just keep it short and sweet with specifics like "350, twice a month" or something similar? They could have lost interest based on a better offer or something else entirely but I'm wondering if I should switch things up in my approach?

Thoughts/advice?

-- Modified on 11/10/2016 7:02:25 PM

I always have them tell me what they want. I also say per meet to start. If the number is stupid high its good luck be safe. If its close i counter.

I NEVER offer a "price" When asked what I want. I say something very general as in "I am hoping for find someone where we both like each other and can spend some quality time together, and I course I will be responsive to your needs as I know this is a "sugar" site" If she presses about money, I still will not be boxed into making an offer. Use vague, but nice sounding words and phrases like "I don't mind being generous" or "if we click, I look forward to spoiling you rotten"

 Avoid getting trapped by agreeing to a weekly or monthly "allowance" I always say "lets meet first, I assure you I will be quite generous, but let's have dinner/drinks first, get to know each other and see if we click, then we can talk about things more long term. In the meantime, I don't mind giving you some sugar on a per date basis, I know a girl needs to eat. How about we get together Tuesday?"

I have to confess, I absolutely HATE that fucking question "So what exactly are you looking for?"

This is before even talking money or frequency.  

I'm mainly talking about getting them interested, but I take your point that maybe I need to defer to them to tell me what they want first. Now that I'm thinking of it, I can remember one instance where that did work well.

How many meetings do you typically have before you bed your SB?  And does that particular meeting begin with the intention understood beforehand, or do you go with the flow of the meeting? And particular lines that the SB like to hear? We know that they are not interested in feeling like they're an escort, so how does your language skirt around that suggestion?  

Thanks in advance to GaGambler and any other SD out there who cares to respond!

First of all, I have self-sabotaged enough times as I have stated in here quite a few times that I am in the less-is-more camp. That said, I don't send nonchalant 3 worded sentence in my openers and I actually compose at least 3 medium sized paragraphs of which one refers to the POT SB's profile and the next something about me, stating that I am aware of the mechanics of sugar dating with an allowance being as essential component. I never, ever state any numbers in the opener. NEVER!

If someone asks me, "so what are you exactly looking for?" I merely respond by saying that I am looking for a SUGAR BABY and hence as to why I am on that site!!! I've had POT SBs ask me stupid or trap Qs such as, "describe your perfect date" and a variety of this kind of nonsensical Qs, which I often just dismiss and ignore.

Unlike SftD, I do invest more time and $$ by going out to dinner dates after the POT SB has been vetted (I don't pay for dates though) as I find that whole part exciting and I like courtship, even if we happen to be way off because I generally can do much better with a POT when we actually meet.  

As for the question of intimacy, I know that if by the second date there is no light making out and some PDA, I will not and ought not waste time for a third meeting because the third one is the BCD fun time session. Generally speaking, I don't get all handsy on the first date because from past experiences, that sort of overt forwardness has worked against me!

All the above is directed at GND type of SBs and NOT the quasi hooker P4P types. I don't chase this type.

END OF MESSAGE

I am much more of a "go with the flow" kind of guy, but if a POT SB is going to sleep with me, most often she is going to do so right away, not after some kind of "extended courtship" that I really am not interested in.

I rarely initiate conversations about "how much" I will speak about money in generalities and if she quotes a number I will either say yes, no, or counter with an offer at that time, but NEVER do I make a "bid" for her affections.

As far as initiating intimacy, I treat a POT SB just like I would a civvy chick, except the POT SB has already told me in so many words that she is open to sex. Usually it's a matter of inviting her to my house/hotel for another drink or something of the like. I have NEVER had a POT SB come to my house and then refuse to have sex after a date, not even once. I make sure I don't treat them like a hooker and I never ask potentially demeaning questions like "how much?" I simply act as if having sex is a natural progression of our date and most of the time that's exactly how it works out. Some of the time they will stop me and have a conversation about "how much", and then we have a brief discussion about "allowance" but if she doesn't bring it up, neither do I.

I  agree except I want the money conversation mostly done before we ever get back to my place.

I have confidence that if the "ask" is ridiculous I have more strength to say no to the overpriced pussy than she has to say no to my money. lol

I probably would respond like you described for the second girl. I generally keep things vague and sort of get to know you type stuff. No romantic platitudes until after meeting in person. I had a girl go crickets on me recently but she could tell by my lack of availability that things would be tough. She would have been SB number 5 in the lineup. I'm of the opinion that you don't have to tell them you are here for sex as that should be understood. If they really persist which is rare I have used the phrase adult playtime.  

I like the principium approach and follow a similar pattern.  

Sometimes girls are just seeing what this is all about and they're not real serious. You can tell by the amount of time put into a profile and how often they log onto the site. Give it time as there is always a new hottie coming into sugar land. Too many girls and not enough time.

END OF MESSAGE

First dinner dates have a much higher likelihood of ending up with bcd fun. I've done various first dates/meets: breakfast, lunch, dinner, coffee, walks in the park. Some first dates end up in bcd, mostly later in day type meets.  I always am prepared. One just has to read the situation. Sometimes I just have time for the meet so no fun stuff. Second meet is 100 percent for adult playtime. I rarely have a situation where the girl meets me the first time that it is not converted to fun playtime. If a girl is willing to meet, she is serious about things.

1.  Don't offer a number.  Try to get a number from the SB first.  Also, try to defer discussing money as long as possible.  

2.  It's almost impossible to determine why someone responds or doesn't, so try to keep an open mind as to why.  Don't obsess or overreact.  It probably was NOT something you did wrong.  

3.  Keep your replies simple.  Many SBs seem to have ADD.  Make your reply clear, concise, and to the point.

4. To that specific question, I recommend describing a win-win situation of mutual fun, the frequency of dates, and the duration of dates.  

5.  See how the SB replies to you.  That determines your next message.

Good luck!

I admire your strength!  But like sftd says, I really want the money agreed on before things progress too far. I am a good negotiator and have been quite successful most of the time in getting her to lower her unreasonable expectations and agree to something more in line with mine.  But not always!  If she's really convinced her pussy is worth $1000 why should I waste my time on her?  Might as well find out early.

I had two POT SB's ask for allowance of $3,600 & $5k per month, however each agreed to $400 p4p when I nicely explained "no".