Interesting question, dragonfly2006,
but you'll need to qualify the sex. What type of sex, and with whom? The answer will vary as much as there are people. For some sex with be more exciting with a love partner; for others, sex where love is absent is preferable.

It's all in the eyes of the beholder,
the Love Goddess

One argument for keeping one's virginity is that the physical act is more pleasurable when emotional commitment in involved.  Of course, if you are a virgin, you have nothing to compare it with so I don't see why people buy it.

At the same time, some who have had multiple partners say the same thing: sex is better with someone you love because psychological and emotional intimacy come into play.

I don't think that's completely true.  If your partner is not skilled in something, say CG for a woman or DATY for a guy, how can love make that feel better?  Or is love suppose to make one just let it go for a deeper long-term emotional satisfaction?  

I've been lucky, my ex-wife was phenomenal in bed so I never had to make the distinction.  I think the role that love played in that was in providing us with a sense of trust.  If we wanted to try new things, we knew we wouldn't hurt each other.  Or if anything embarrassing happened we'd be wiling to work with it.

Other opinions?

Dear dragonfly2006,

Again, there are as many opinions out there as there are people. I believe biology as well as "morality and indoctrination" are significant factors here. In some cultures, sex is completely distinct and separate from "love," and hence, individuals living according to their own cultural precepts and "rules" are alien to such discussions. In the Western world, we have had so many "romantic" notions, from the Medieval troubadours to Victorian-era romanticism, that for us, it has become ideal to strive for sex and love in one harmonious package.

As to mind-blowing sex, many people only experience this when their PEA/dopamine levels are racing at full speeed; this is usually in the beginning of the relationship, when attraction is high and habituation is low. Hence, some individuals definitely have their best and wildest sex BEFORE they begin "loving" [i.e. knowing and accepting the person with all his/her faults] their partner. As neurotransmitter levels wane or settle back into a regular pattern, many people are unable to reach "pre-loving" arousal levels, and the sex takes a nosedive - even though their emotional love is present for the partner. This may result in a search for new partners, even if temporary, just to hit those high sexual notes again.

In an ideal situation, two loving partners are supposed to please each other sexually with almost any negotiated, reasonable request. But as we've seen in real life, such is not the case. Moral programming from childhood, early sexual abuse experiences and/or other physical/mental limitations can hinder continued exploration in bed. Sex can be the best with people we barely know, just because there is something purely mechanical or biochemical [don't forget pheromones and that vomeronasal organ guiding us to the sexiest scented folks] in play.

My opinion, coming both from a personal and a clinical stance, is that sex with someone only slightly familiar can be fantastic. You are free to project all sorts of phantasies onto the person, you haven't yet experienced the gamut of reality creeping in [those bodily functions that make familiarity breed contempt, LOL], and your neurochemicals are primed to just grab more and more to satisfy that evolutionary lust we all have for breeding.

But people are different - particularly women. Some women really do feel more uninhibited sexually with someone they love and TRUST. Some women have so much activity in their amygdala and other frontal cortex functions, that they need to be able to "disconnect the worry machinery" completely before they can relax and go for it. And for them, that relaxation may only come with someone they truly love and trust. For a man, that may not necessarily be the issue, as men enjoy the evolutionary dilemma of pollinating as many flowers as possible, in order to spread their genes. Hence, it may even be COUNTERPRODUCTIVE, from an evolutionary standpoint, for a man to feel more sexual pleasure with someone he "loves."

So, in this case, everything is relative. What we need to be careful of, is to make people conform to sexual "standards" one way or another. We need to remember that assimilated culture and sexual scripting play huge parts in our consciousness, and that even the slightest sexual experimentation can demand or cause radical shifts in an individual's consciousness. As to the readiness for it, for some, it's instant; for others - it may take a lifetime.

Queen of the 1 nite stand aria ;-D
the Love Goddess


-- Modified on 7/8/2007 9:47:07 AM

love does absolutely nothing to enhance sex for me, never has. but then i've never bought into the western notions of sex and love being intertwined, as LG mentioned. i've also never been one of those girls to confuse sex with love...in fact i've never seen or felt any connection between the two. some people have said that i think "like a guy" in this way, i don't believe that's true at all. i think i'm just a logical-minded person, therefore i understand and accept sex for what it is...a biological physical need and desire, nothing more, nothing less. even with my Husband whom i love dearly, the sex is not better because we love one another, it is better because we are just extremely sexually compatible and have the same carnal urges and interests.

First, a bit of my history....I was married for 25 years to a gal who was bi-polar enough to take her own life 2 years ago.  Also, I've hobbied off and on for about 8 or 10 years, mostly out of need.

  Because of her disease, sex was simply not available for most of my married life. When it was, there was always deep love involved. Believe me, anyone who can stay married through 8 suicide attempts and 11 mental hospital stays is either the dumbest person alive, or he understands what true love and commitment are all about.

  Because of the lack of sexual experience in our marriage, there's no possible way she could compete with an experienced provider in terms of technique, or variety. She did however, know me very well, my needs, wants, deepest desires, etc.  Sex with her, (the few times it ever actually happened, lol) was as much an emotional experience for me as a physical one. No provider could ever be expected to match that emotional bond.

  Most of the providers I've seen were MILFs, about half I've seen only once, and some several times.  I never saw any of them often enough to get emotionally involved, though a few of them became friends. I wasn't after love, just to meet a need. The majority of them did just fine!

  I've been single for 2 years now, haven't dated anyone yet, and have seen only a few providers. My relationship with providers hasn't changed, but I find myself missing the love part. I can hardly wait 'till some cute li'l sweety-pie comes along, and I can once again experience sex WITH love!

  I guess to answer the question, I'd have to say that sex is indeed better with love involved, there's no feeling quite like that heart to heart connection. Providers are pretty good at it, but it's only temporary.  Just one guys opinion, nothing more.

if I had a choice between a life of good sex and a life of good love, I'd take the latter in a heartbeat (not that I'd want to have to make that choice.)

You can buy the good sex; but you can't buy the love, and love will take you much further in life.

-- Modified on 7/8/2007 4:46:16 PM

The sex is best when it is fun to be with the person you are having sex with. My best experiences have been with a lady whom I have gotten to know a bit and found a connection with.  Sense of humor, intelligence and a fondness for oral(in both directions) all add to the pleasure for me but "love" doesn't have to be in the equation.

I'm happy to see a question that I've asked myself many times! Now how's this for a complex situation: I am aroused by the idea of having sex with women who I am only acquainted with..hence my hobbying. However, I suffer with performance anxiety because I don't know these providers well. With my wife of many years, I'm bored with sex, but because of my love for her, my comfort level is high so that I can have sex. Despite that being true, I still am attracted to getting off with providers.

For me:  1000% that with love it's better.  I dearly love my wife and sex with her is just so much better.  It's extremely rare and when we do it's missionary only - but the feeling with her is indescribable except to use the word LOVE.  I CRAVE it so much with her.............

Sex is better with love (whatever it is).  Absolutely.

I used to believe that only when I was with someone with whom I shared a deep intimate love  could sex be the very best. This was borne out by my life experience. When my girl friend and I were together and the sex was good, it was always far better than when I was with someone else. For the record when we were together I did not hobby or paly around. We broke up and last year I took up the hobby again.

On two separate occasions with 2 different women each of whom I've seen only once the sex was just as intimate, and spectacular as any experience I ever had with my lover. The "connection" that we all talk about was present and as complete and strong as it has ever been.

I now believe that if you and the provider are compatible (YMMV) and she has decided that the two of you a going to have a great time, the sex can be the very best. Period.

Kind a tough for an old romantic like me to admit, but thats my life experience.
-J

I just found that out this year, myself. I had just about the best sex, ever with a new provider last week. She had me buzzing for 2 days.