If this has been asked and answered before, sorry.  I am new to the hobby having seen two gals now about 3 times each.  I love the hobby!  But yesterday, had a strange thing happen that's never happened to me, even though I am 54.  I couldn't cum.  The gal had a great time as she was able to come when she says she rarely does orgasm with her clients.  Is this simply a mental thing?  I hadn't had sex in well over a week and I was desparate for it.  I think I am well mentally and physically.

Dear jon54,

Indeed, we have had multiple threads on this topic, but it's probably a shocker to each and everyone when it happens. Unless you are having some physical health issues, I'd chalk it up to performance anxiety, i.e. a psychological phenomenon rather than the effects from  antidepressants or any other untoward health effects.

Sometimes the anticipation of meeting someone overly hot [if there is such a thing] can leave the mind a little tongue-tied, no pun intended. Meanwhile, a gal that's in the more average looks department can become less intimidating and hence create less performance anxiety. Also, seeing a "new gal" can create this problem. Your brain is not yet habituated and therefore signals to the penis can "clam up", despite full-on erotic sensations.

It could also be the condom - if you're used to having bareback sex with your regular partner, condoms can create an unintended mental barrier in addition to loss of sensation.

My advice: take the pressure off yourself in this situation. Go in there with the paradoxical intention of just "playing" or "fooling around," rather than having to produce a thunderous orgasm. If it happens, great - if not, then at least you've had a good time. You need to let yourself become habituated to new bodies and new situations.

It's like bicycling - the more you do it, the better at it you'll become,
The Love Goddess

When I read your final line, "It's like bicyling ..." I was afraid you were going to finish with, "If you fall off, you have to get right back in the saddle!"

{I can tell this is going to be a strange Friday}



PS  Good advice to the OP, this has happened to me a couple of times as well.  No big deal.

That's comforting.  It was a shock.  The gal is someone I had seen a few times previously and enjoy her "skills" as well as her company.  Early on in the encounter, she had me at the verge and I asked her to stop to enjoy her further.  That was the death toll of this encounter as hard as she tried, it just wasn't to be.  This will give me a reason to try her again!  Thanks for your helpful advice.

I had,for all intents-and-purposes,decided that the 'latex' factor was going to keep me from enjoying what others have(pop!pop!pop!). I had been seeing ladies for 7 months without the joy of the 'finish' line. Recently, a PYT came through for me(or I for me). Am I over the 'mental block'? I don't know. What I do know is that 'if it ain't broke,don't fix it'. I will continue seeing my PYT for the simple purpose of crossing the finish line over and over.

Only a few  times in my life have I hard a hard time coming but I carried on until I finally came...My usual problem is coming before I want to..If I could choose I would like to rock on "some" nights at will even if I didn't cum..

There have been times that I indeed 'kept-on keepin-on'. I MUST take into consideration the physiological effects on my date. Endurance level,soreness,etc...I try not to make the date all about ME!

i've oft suggested to my clients (especially new friends) to indulge in a single(1 not 4 or 5) cocktail for the visit. Thats of course if the provider doesnt have a hangup about it.   my understanding is that it raises testosterone levels and lowers inhibitions just a little. I offer light cocktails at my incall for that reason, but seldom do my guests accept.    
this is gonna sound really silly, but on days that I work I sometimes mix a wine cooler with a big Lemon-Berry slush and just kind of sip on it thru out the day.

I have medical issues that have caused lessened sensation but if the exact right spots are stimulated it works perfectly.  Latex or poly does not help.  If a partner cumms first, it is more difficult to get the stimulation I need....  sometimes I forget & push her through the chain because I love her reaction.  If we switch to my best position mid chain, I'm pretty much assured.
Also, new high tech lube like AstroGlide must be used sparingly...  can reduce friction to zero & that means zero stimulation too.
My Fav ladies have this status because when I explained my situtaion to the lady, her reply was that it would not be a problem...  & it hasn't been.  
The flip side is that at a certain point, we have an understanding that they can do what ever it takes to finish me off.  This might be a hj on breasts...  or adding porn style handwork to a bj...  whatever.  Note:  this is easier to accieve this understanding with repeat visits than a new date...  & in my limited experience, I find more mature providers more understanding.
skb

Well, houstonsmartgal,

I'm not a big fan of alcohol and sex together. Studies conclusively show that alcohol - ultimately a CNS depressant - has a negative effect on sexual performance, not just in men, but in women too. As for one drink raising testosterone to statistically significant levels, hmmm...may I see the report on that one please? For those who really have low T levels, a shot of something alcoholic won't matter. And for those who aren't so low that it impacts sexual performance, a drink won't matter either way. Regular drinking does raise T levels slightly, but the depressant effects on the CNS cancel out the testosterone in terms of erectile function.

But yes, you are correct - a small amount of alcohol does lower inhibitions. On the other hand, suppose your client has a drink and then leaves the premises, only to end up in a vehicle accident or gets stopped by the police for any reason? Is the potential nervousness and anxiety over having imbibed worth the trouble? I think most mature men realize the effect alcohol has on potency and therefore most of them probably abstain.

Your last paragraph actually has me a little worried. You are exposing your body to alcohol throughout the day, even if it's not on a daily basis. Now I understand why clients can get inhibited, but you are the professional whose job it is to be exposed to all sorts of people, without fear or any need for lowering of inhibitions. Do you really need to sip on wine coolers for that to happen?

The thing is that even a small amount of alcohol has a more deleterious effect on a woman than it does on a man. Women produce less of the enzyme alcohol dehydrogenase - they don't break down alcohol as efficiently and it affects their hormones as well if used daily or long-term. In addition, alcohol lowers HDL and raises LDL - not a great thing. In fact, the wine cooler issue is a problem for many women, since it is low enough in alcohol to be sipped, but high enough to cause long-term changes. Alcohol also raises body fat levels (think of all the sugar you're getting into your system) and for women, that means not just fat, but also BLOAT. And the adage that says a glass of red wine daily is healthy, even for women - well, that's been revised, now that study results are in. Women should stay away from alcohol as much as they can. Long-term, regular use affects their health too much, which outweighs anything positive about the substance.

If anything, my advice to you would be to stop the wine cooler/slush mixture and have yourself some iced green tea instead. That way you'll be slightly stimulated, you'll get plenty of antioxidants in your system, you won't bloat, and you'll feel clear as a bell.

And that was the opinion, my dear,
The Love Goddess

i used to think that i was terribly difficult to please. as a result of experimenting with some newly favored ladies i've discovered that alcohol was the culprit. the intial chat over a glass of champagne has been replaced by catching up over fresh fruit and tea.

this has made a tremendous difference in the quality of the experience. so i'll now only drink on relatively long dates where there is dinner and ample recovery time.

As a Provider, it has happened to a few of my clients.. Were you hard? If you were hard and could not come, it is most likely you had to pee and did not notice it... If you weren't hard, perhaps try a prostate massage while she gives you oral..  

Like the english saying goes..

"Wise men goe when they may, Foolish men go when the must"..

Regards, Victoria Love, Denver

vlove1975"If you were hard and could not come, it is most likely you had to pee and did not notice it..."


I always pee before we start...next time  I will try your method and finish before I pee..

 

In my case, I had to stop the gal, otherwise, she was goign to drop dead trying.  I get her an A plus for effort.  By the way, I suffer from low testorone and take Androgel daily for it.  I rarely miss a dosage but I can't recall on that fateful day if I missed it or not.

and no, its not a matter of 'need'.  but yes, after only 6 months in the biz, i still approach each new client with a bit of caution, nervousness and trepidation.  passes pretty quickly, but thats an edge that i hope i never loose.  

i didnt care for the slushies/coolers much anyway, too dang sweet.  

thank you for your opinion lg, as always

I too have had this problem. Once I had a beautiful girl to my room and the sex was hot but nothing she did was working. After she left I called another girl not so good looking more on the naughty side and only lasted 30 min.

dont let it bother you sometimes happens, and I try not to let it get to me. It may be chemistry between you and the lady.