what is the fascination alot of men have with wanting a lady to urinate on them or in their mouth?  I seem to get this request once a week.  I'm not against doing it if the gentleman is in his own place - I refuse to do it at a hotel since I might like to return there and not be looked at the lady who pee'd all over.

The other one I'm wondering about is men who get excited at the idea that I had sex with  someone else that day besides them.  I have recently started seeing a gentleman who wants to be the last appointment of the day and doesn't want me to shower or clean up before I come to see him.  He wants to have as much evidence as possible of another man being with me prior to my meeting up with him.  (the scent of another man, semen on my body, etc).   I really like this gentleman and this fetish doesn't turn me off but I would at least like to understand why it turns him on so much.

So do you have any insights on these two fetishes?

None other than that they are not that unusual, Neona65,

The first fetish - urolagnia - is well known and practiced in a variety of ways. The second one is distantly related to cuckolding [although cuckolding involves the other man present and engaging sexually with the woman in full view]. This is also not an unusual phenomenon - I would bet the majority of providers out there have had this request at some point in their professional sex work career.

As to the genesis of fetishes, the jury is still out. Psychologist John Money (the man without an unpublished thought) espoused a theory called "vandalized lovemaps." According to Money, it is "a developmental representation or template in the mind and in the brain, depicting the idealized lover and the idealized program of sexual and erotic activity projected in imagery or actually engaged in with that lover." A vandalized lovemap is when the love mapping process or neurological template development stage becomes traumatized. Such a lovemap is typically formed between the ages of two to eight. A vandalized lovemap is often an atypical lovemap. Money believes that exposure to an incident or a consistent pattern of behavior related to the fetish itself during this time creates a vandalized lovemap in the child. When the child grows up, he will then act out the fetish behavior, in that he will connect the fetish - say urine - to something forbidden, or exciting.

I'm not necessarily a fan of John Money (for reasons too extensive to enumerate in this posting.) If you ask me, I think it has much more to do with the impulses that testosterone, dopamine and serotonin mediate in the brain. I also believe that fetishes change over time, depending on brain chemistry. That's where Money and I depart - he believes they are enduring, I believe that they are mutable and subject to external stimuli as well. In the meantime, it's up to you to decide if you want to participate in all the peeing and sniffing of body odors.

Cheerio,
The Love Goddess

I would have been the first to say nay to such a practice until a gal I was with told me about it.

After my first feelings of revulsion subsided, I started to fantasize about the practice and in short order requested it.

At first I was only interested in the sight and feel of the urine on my stomach, but from there I was soon slurping her vagina while she urinated.

It taught me something, namely:  When it comes to sex, there is nothing that can be predicted beforehand.

LG, My very limited experience with fetishes supports your thesis of mutating fetishes.  In my younger years, I often fantasized about being dominated by powerful women, and one day I went to a pro.  She was young and attractive and knew what she was doing, and after putting me through a series of light fetishes (cage, nipple clamps, heated wax, verbal humiliation, etc) I said, "I'm sorry but this isn't doing much for me."  What I really wanted was to do her straight on, missionary style, and of course she would have none of it.  She was disappointed with me, but as I was leaving she said, "I hope you'll come again and we can try some other things."  I said, "thanks very much but you're very attractive and that's what I want."  I think I was "cured" of all fetishes as of that moment.  Looking back, I find the experience amusing but I never had those fantasies again, although an attractive woman with great legs in high heels is always an instant turn on.
Is this a common experience, and can a fetish of long standing be genuine if it is "cured" in a single exposure?

I'vr run the full gamut of activities, or just unrealized fantasies, that turned me on, too.  What fascinated me and got me all excited five  years ago, I don't even think about today.  And that applies to fantasies/fetishes I never got around to realizing.  Experience, state of mind, and probably a lot of things I don't even understand seem to keep changing the ground rules of sexual excitation for me- although it always stays within the heterosexual world.

I'm sure some people are less eclectic in their sexual interests than I am.  And frankly, I kind of envy them because they seem to know what they like and they just keep doing it.  Whereas I'm not sure from day to day what will turn me on, and it makes it much more difficult as a result.

So I don't think Mr. Money has the answer based  on my experience, though I know that a study with N=1 isn't anything other more than anecdotal experience.  But if his theory was correct, I don't think I'd be continuously evolving to the next sexual attraction or fetish, I'd be fixed in a fairly narrow range of activities.

-- Modified on 5/31/2010 3:10:43 PM

Dear GraspingatStraws,

The sexological definition of a fetish is something that is used INSTEAD of sexual intercourse. So if that was the case, the BDSM you wanted from the domme may have been a fantasy and not a realized fetish. The word "fetish" has become so commonplace today that its psychosexual meaning can sometimes be obscured.

Doesn't seem you had anything that needed to be cured,
The Love Goddess

"I think I was "cured" of all fetishes as of that moment."

Some guys grow Roses for  their Lover and some guys grow Pansies for themselves.. There is no right or wrong way,as long as all parties are adults,and willing..
Some minds metamorphosise vigorously and some do not..
Don't Worry be Happy...Go with your own flow.

 I can relate to not putting up with the verbal abuse.. Years ago I had a GF that once we got close  tried to make a habit of that..I lost her number quickly....however I figure the guys who like that sort of thing are doing what they enjoy.
For everyone there is someone and I am glad sometimes its not me ..
In closing I will admit,out of curiosity and thats what she wanted,I have tried some things I did not enjoy,but on the bright side I don't wonder what that would be like,or why I don't do that anymore.

I can only speak to the urination fetish.  The latter one does not excite me.  As for urination for me it is the sexual excitement or fetish experience of urine coming from the urethra of a woman.  Just because this fetish usually does not happen during sex it is a hidden experience or taboo so to speak, it takes on a denied pleasure therefore it becomes a strong sexual excitement.  I find the visuals of a woman peeing sexually stimulating.  The taste is delightful especially after the giver has eaten asparagus!  The liquid is warm and the experience is giving.

Don't ruin the hotel beds for the rest of us!