I have had a business relationship with a younger
provider for about a year, we have had our differences from time to time, but we have always
appeared to be able to settle these differences
and continue to have some great times.
Recently, just as another thread stated, things began to change for us, she appeared to be more
interested in having intimate conversations more so than sex, I reminded her about emotional barriers, needing to be kept as I am emotionally
attached to her.
We were keeping our distance for a bit, but then she asked if we could split things, such as I invite her over for a date, make dinner, and then we would talk, all off the clock, but then if things happened to lead to play in the bedroom,
that she desired that we would treat that period of time as business.

I got alarmed, and scared, that I was getting manipulated into something that I was not prepared
for, so I asked that we discuss this idea further, to insure that we were both on the same page, and as well as to cover the what ifs
(such as emotional closeness ) she stated in that
conversation that she desired for us to get closer, (which I desired as well) The idea was to become closer in a way of friendship.
Keeping in mind that she is younger than me, and she has had a tendency to not follow through on
her statements, I was cautious to say the least.

I wanted to see where her heart was in this, so
I asked that she call me during the following day
in the afternoon,
well she failed to call, and I then contacted her
later that evening, and left a voice message.
She replied to that message by contacting me shortly there after.

I really enjoy spending time with her, and I do
sincerely like her, but I cannot ignore her bad
habits, as they are hurtful to me,
She is very inteligent, and aware, but yet she
flings out excuses like candy whenever I consult her with her habit of ignoring my phone calls,
(friendly phone calls not related to business)

And for making statements, of which she never follows through with actions.
I am confused as to whether she is really sincere about a friendship, or playing emotionally with
me?
I think very highly of her, and would really love
to have her friendship, even if it came down to
not having sexual contact, and just dating,
but she wants both.

Help me Love Goddess, and friends.

Dear Trooper2,
Your posting is extremely candid and it is clearly evident that this has been a painful episode for you.

It seems that you have had your antennas up at full attention, and yet, your trust has got the better of you. You state that she wanted to be your "friend," but treat the time in bed as "business." Well, at least she's honest about that! But otherwise, it seems you want different things out of the relationship.

I am not entirely clear on her intentions - for that, we'd need her in the room to ask her directly - but I can tell that you are not making music in unison, and that you are getting the raw end of the deal.

PLEASE understand this, Trooper2: She provides companionship for a fee, and for a limited time, she has constructed an emotionally complicated matrix where some of this appears to come at no cost to you. From a very crass perspective, it would be the same as going to a shoe store, where for a limited time, if you buy one pair of shoes, you get the second one free. And then the promotional period is over, and things go back to normal.

I'm not sure that she is aware of her own "playing emotionally with you." She may be, as you say, young, immature, not very observant, and above all, not very empathic. But there is absolutely no reason why you should suffer this way. If you want to get things off your chest, you could always "confront" her. With this, I mean disclosing your feelings completely. Tell her all the things you've told us in your post, and see how she reacts. Most likely, she will be in a state of denial and further excuses. And that's where you'll need to make a decision. Is it worth continuing getting hurt over having to pay for sex with this particular female...or do you move on? I think you know what I would suggest. Now it's up to you.

Half full or half empty,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 6/29/2007 4:27:21 PM

Trooper 2, I agree with all LG is saying.
In addition, there could be another, simpler issue.

Maybe she just likes to talk with you, and doesn't want to change you for that time - only for her professional services.

It could be like your accountant or lawyer saying, "We have a lot in common.  Let's go to lunch frequently."  That wouldn't mean you wouldn't still pay for their professional service; you just wouldn't be paying for those long lunch times.

I've had that arrangement with a provider or two.  We spend some times together "off the clock".  But, since she's much so younger than I, there's no way I'd expect her to be physically intimate with me for free.  

Having two different categories for our time doesn't mean either one is devalued.  The personal friendship is genuine. And the sexual play fulfills mutual but different needs: hers, mostly financial, and mine, mostly physical. (Both are personal needs.)

An old man and a young woman could, under certain circumstances, be genuine, civilian friends.  But you wouldn't expect them, under normal circumstances, to be sexual lovers.

I'm not saying this applies to your situation.  But it might.  Only you know.  

Hope this has been helpful.

BG

Put another way: sometimes a provider will discuss a personal problem or need of hers with a client. Or suggest that they go to a movie or museum together. I think it's inappropriate for her to charge him for *that* time.

You didn't mention your age or the age of your provider, but if she's in her early-to-mid 20's, that kind of behavior seems common in women and men in that age group.

I remember in my 20's that women I tangled with back then nearly drove me bonkers trying to figure out what they wanted. There was lots of emotional pain and very little joy. As you said, lies and excuses were thrown out like candy. I would not want to relive that decade of my life.

It sounds like your friend is struggling with her feelings about you. She may be getting contrary advice from her friends about how (or whether) to have a non-professional relationship with you.

I very recently nearly fell into the sixth level of hell again over the all-too familiar antics of a much younger woman friend (multiple long stories there). I slapped myself on the forehead and said "not this time, bucko". And that's why I am a new member of the hobby. I haven't given up hope that someday I'll find the Real Deal. But in the meantime...

Speaking from personal experience, the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to break off all contact and move on. Please believe me when I say this to you. Follow this advice and it may save you years of therapy.

All the best to you!

First off, I want to thank you all for your observations, and suggestions.
I am early 50s and she is mid 20s.
My gut instinct was telling me (as well as the pain ) that something was very twisted about this
interaction between us,
I have confronted her on the issues, and stated
my feelings, multiple times, and she says that she
is not aware of the tendency to manipulate, or
the lack to fully follow through on her implied actions.
She also has requested that I point out her behavior when it occurs, but when I do so, I end
up getting the slient treatment, for weeks at a time. As well, I have asked her many times,
What do you Need from our interaction? and help
me to understand what you are asking for?

Based upon her actions, and the pain it causes me,
I had decided to back off and think things over,
as I felt that I was getting a raw deal no matter
how it stacks up.

I have attempted to get her to communicate better
with me, but to no avail, so I have left a voice mail message, and an explainatory email expressing
my thoughts and feelings on the matter.
All of which have gotten no reply.

So I can see by the thread replies, that I have no
choice but to move forward.
I have to admit that I am pained to do so, as I do
like her, but the offending behavior often leaves
me feeling very disrespected, and unapprecatied.

Those who know me well, would say that I am sincere and geniune, and emotionaly generous toward others, that I am understanding and
patient, but I have run out of endurance in this
case.

Trooper, if I weren't me, I'd think you were me because your story is eerily the same as mine. It's painful to think of parting ways, but the pain of maintaining status quo can be much worse with longer-term emotional consequences.

The best women friends of mine for the purposes of hanging out, talking, laughing & scratching have been lesbians. No complications, close friendships, talk about anything, etc.

Trooper1,

You are absolutely doing the right thing by walking away as fast as you can. I am 51 and very recently had an extremely painful and somewhat similar experience with a beautiful provider age 28.

I first saw her on February 2 and was smitten beyond words.  Her beauty was but half of it.  She was sweet, kind and intelligent, and her sensuality was nonpareil.  She had been in the business only a few months.

Without my asking, she told me many, many things about herself, and I was glad to listen.  In turn, she made me feel more alive than I had in years.  I shared with her much about myself.  We found we could talk about anything, and we trusted each other totally.

Our talks were not on the clock, and she very often would let me extend our playtime by hours at no charge.

I travelled with her, and she allowed me extraordinarily good rates for this, and I introduced her to places and experiences utterly new to her.  And I cannot say how much I enjoyed doing so!

I also provided her with extra money, on my own, for which she never asked. I did this because I loved her and wanted to help her with some extraordinary expenses she had.  I also lavished gifts on her during our trips - she never asked for or expected these, and I was only too happy to give them to her.

We frequently professed our love to each other.  On one of our trips,on March 19, without my asking, she offered me BBFS and I was deliriously happy to accept.  Foolish, but deliriously happy.

Yet when we were not together, she would often disregard my emails or calls.  I knew she had a reputation for erratic responses, yet I felt that friends/lovers should at least respond to each other (but only at times convenient for her, for I never had any illusions about her need to make a living)

But after Memorial Day, when I called this to her attention, she became more distant, and I finally said to myself I didn't need this crap and broke it off.

She then contacted me, apologizing profusely, and we got back together again briefly. She in fact invited me to her own home, where we made love in her very own bed on June 7. I felt closer to her than ever, and we again professed our mutual love.

I then saw her on June 9 for a couple of hours at her new incall location.  But I will never see her again.

In the middle of an otherwise delightful playtime with her that night, she interupted proceedings to tell me that she would no longer provide BBFS for me unless I were to ante up LOTS more bucks.  This was a little bit puzzling, as I had only been enjoying a pleasure she had freely offered up on March 19 without my even asking, and which I had been enjoying ever since.

She began to explain her belief that the Vegas girls make their big bucks by charging courageously for BBFS, and she would do likewise.  In other words, this was a shakedown.  It was incredibly painful to learn that she did not love me, and only viewed me as her wallet.  She also revealed that she had shared with a friend and provider the fact that she provides me with BBFS - astonishingly bad form and even more painful, as she and I had sworn to each other never to reveal this to anyone.

I think it just plain wrong for a provider to reveal a client's confidences to anyone and also attempt to shakedown that client.  It is one thing for a provider to have offered BBFS freely to a client and then have second thoughts for safety reasons (for which I gladly offered to don as many condoms as necessary), it is entirely another matter to try to then extort very large sums from a client for the same service.

I am finished with her, and have emerged from this experience a sadder but wiser man.

I believe her to be a good woman at heart, but I think she has become jaded in the course of her very brief career to date.  Perhaps she was misled by other providers.  Who knows?  As a married man, there were certain things I knew I could never offer her.  In fact when she offered me BBFS in March, we agreed that if she were to get a boyfriend, I would need to go back to a cover, which was perfectly reasonable.  Had she not been so callous in her demand for more money for BBFS, I would have assumed she had gotten a boyfriend and would have thought little of the need to resume cover.  But I asked her to be sure, and she said she had no boyfriend, and that she just felt justified in demanding more money.

I cannot tell you the tears I shed after that night.  I knew I was doing the right thing walking away, but I felt deceived, cheapened,and incredibly betrayed.  I missed the girl I thought I knew and loved.  I mourned the passing of a love that really never was.

BTW, I owe to a friend and confidant my first reading of The Erotic Highway - he pointed me this way after I shared my tale of woe with him.  The Love Goddess and many posters on this board have helped me realize what a fool I was, and that at least I have lots of company.

Sex, money and love are an extremely volatile concoction.  And when the relationship starts as a commercial transaction, confusion can abound on all sides if love seemingly evolves.

So Trooper1, wish your friend well, and continue on your way.  I have tried to do the same, and in my case, I have rekindled a love affair with my wife, whose professions of love I cannot doubt.

-- Modified on 6/30/2007 9:57:07 AM

Thank you all!! Kinda new to all this but those stories were a hybrid of some of mine.Do you just move on to the next one or go back to the monotony of the girl friend[no not wife]Between sneaking phone calls and texting it was exhausting but did make me feel full of life.Good to know that I am far from alone in this matter 50/23 to 30 scene

It sounds like this gal gets her ego stroked by having guys fawn all over her. (What gal doesn't, lol). It appears to me that she uses the hobby as a way to meet guys, (and make a ton of cash), really enjoy the attention, then sort of wants to cut out the sex part, but still feels the need to be wanted.

  Notice that most of the effort is on your part, alot of it isn't reciprocated.  True enough, she took the first step toward friendship, then sort of dumped the rest in your lap. (Doesn't return your calls, etc.). A relationship that one-sided will be difficult at best.

 A truly professional provider is in reality, one of the finest actors on the planet. Certainly, alot of them really enjoy what they do, but when you get right down to it, they are being paid to make us guys feel like kings for a short time. Then we all go back to being ourselves. It doesn't always work that way though, sometimes a provider or a hobbyist will get 'addicted' to the feeling, and want to take it past the session. Sometimes I think we forget just how good of actors they really are.

  When we can't leave our emotions in the room, it's usually trouble. Certainly, you can be friends with a provider, even close friends, but there must always be a difference between friendship and profession, just like any other business.  That doesn't mean that a session needs to be a cold unfeeling thing, it can and should be a red-hot explosion of emotional bliss, but both sides need to remember that it's a temporary feeling.

This is something that I'm constantly relearning. If we can manage to establish real connection without attachment, then these sorts of behaviors lose the ability to cause us pain, or at least the pain is minimized.

Unfortunately, egos are extremely sneaky bastards and manage to weasel into areas where we may think they can't hide. As long as we can keep the egos in check and in the open, it's far easier to avoid the attachments and the fear, hurt, and confusion that accompany them.

I'm constantly surprised by how well my ATF is able to lead me to places where my ego is skulking around and trying to create these attachments. This is expensive therapy, but has been incredibly productive so far.

Trooper, this is a business, not a dating service. She wants money from you. Don't let yourself see what you want to see. How many guys have to get rolled before the guys here realize what this business is?

I don't want to be the bad guy, but there is no room in this business for the sort of relationship you describe.

Thank you to everyone for there input into my situation.
While I am flattered by her interest to get closer
to me emotionaly, (her words)
I am viewing all of this with a certain degree of
distrust toward her motives.
My concern is for ME, and my emotional welfare,
and as I have learned the hard way, no one is going to look out for Number # 1 more than Me Myself and I.

When I posted, I was asking for input, because I
want to be fair toward her, but not forget about
what is really important to me. ME

So I came here, with a heavy heart, but an open
mind to ask for your observations, as none of you
have no reason to manipulate, or gain anything
other than to feel good that you shared with a
fellow person.

I don't want nor desire to dislike or be angry toward her, she is special, no doubt, but so too
am I special and deserving of nothing short of being able to meet my emotional needs.

As you all have pointed out in your own words,
its apparent to me, that this situaion is one in
which I would be the one who would contribute
greatly, and lose my shirt in the process.

While I have loving feelings toward her, and wish
her the best, I too love myself, and while I am
willing to share, I am not willing to contribute
to a relationship in which I would see less than
an equal contribution from the other.

You see, it took me a long time, to get to a point
in my life, where I could say to myself, Its about
ME! I am willing to share all that is beautiful about me, with like minded people, but those who
are attempting to cut a better deal at my expense,
Well I have to say sorry, but no thanks.
It is demeaning enough to me, that I seek services
from a complete stranger, whom I know very little
about, but to open up emotionaly to her, while she
remains cloaked, is not friendship, nor healthy,
to me.

While I am able to care for others, I have to draw
the line, and mantain my protective boundries.
Never have I trusted this woman completly, as I felt her to be hiding in the shadows, and keeping
me from feeling safe.

I knew what I needed to do, when I came to this
board, asking for help, and all of your posts
are reinforcements to my knowledge to move forward
and away from this sad event.

It is going to be hard, but considering that I
was geting hurt will make it much more easy to
move forward.

The one thing that I would like to share with all
of you, is that I have never in my life, experienced an equal love from a woman, and so
when women proclaim sincere affections to me,
I really don't know what to think?
As I am lacking in experience in receiving true
emotions from woman.

Thanks and if you have any further advice or
thoughts, then by all means don't hold back on
sharing, because I know that I am most likely not
the only one who is in this position, its just that I have enough courage to ask for help.

Trooper2

in this regard, SB. Yours is certainly valid for you, but doesn't seem to be universal.

Trooper, this sounds like the healthy thing for you do. The phrase that comes to mind is "self-repairing unit". You'll be fine. And you will find someone that will be worthy of your trust. Believe that.

I have encountered a very similar situation, T2.  In fact several of the situations to which you refer have happened to me.

My take on it is most providers are very good about working within concrete boundaries.  You get nothing more, maybe sometimes less, than you would expect.  On the other hand, there are some who consciously, but not maliciously, will make overtures in such a manner that would suggest there is something more to a client-provider relationship.  It could be said in the context of "I wish this" or "I wish that"...or they might give you their "real" name...or they might tell you to call them at will...or other references.

I have found in the later category a tendency to slip back under the security of the "umbrella" of traditional client-provider relationship when "confronted".  It would seem to be a very convenient and easy lateral move to make - since it is YOU who has confused the boundaries - not the provider.

My suggestion is to consider to the sage advise you have gotten here - especially that of the LG.  She encourages us guys to put it out there - tell the girl how you feel.  Hell what do you have to loose, right?

In my own case, doing just that really gave me what I needed to know - watching my own object of affection retreat into her security umbrella.  It hurts like hell, but you know what, you'll know where you stand.  So go ahead, tell her you love her...and watch.

My 0.02.

BS

OK, let me share still yet some more.
I don't see myself as someone who is being
irrational about the provider/client relationship.
I have always observed her boundries, I have Never
mistated nor manipulated our relationship.
I have stated upfront, what it is that I desired
from the relationship, and in turn inquired as to what boundries she had, and as well, made my boundries known to her as well.

I got fustrated, becasue it is my boundries that
are getting violated, time and again, by her,
She has stated that she desires to be friends,
Encourages me to call her and talk, (but never answers the calls)
Has stated that she desires to DATE me.
Has said that she has emotional feelings toward
me, stated that I am a big part of her life,
stated that she Needs me, and would NEVER Willfully hurt ME.

So who the F##K is bull Chiting around with my
emotions, only to retreat behind her provider/client relationship boundries, especially
when I have made it known to HER, To not say or
imply anything unless she is willing to put her words into action. Because her words and actions
can be very hurtful to me the emotional man.

I do not love her, as I do not know enough about
her, the woman who hides behind the mask of a provider.
But I will say, that I have loving feeling toward
her. This she is aware of, quite well. and as well
she states this is also the same for her toward me.

So to wrap this up, I appreciate her efforts to
be successful in providing GFE.
But I despise her to some degree, for her lack
of sensitivity toward me the Person and Client.

I am sad that she would intentionally treat me with such callous behavior, and in the process
disrepect me and my welfare, just because of her
own GREED
L.G. used the term Empathy, I have it, and would
never misrepresent myself to her, in any manner.
If I were to desire a greater or closer relationship, be it friendship, lovers, or boyfriend, I would stand behind my words, and my actions would be true to my words.

That is the kind of man that I am, and I see no need to change that part of my personality.
But what I do need to change, is to leave the hobby, because, simply put, I don't need anyone
messing with my precious emotions,
Having a connection with someone you are having
sex with is great, but when someone states that
the provider PLEASE be careful with that connection, and be mindful of my boundries, Then I see there words and actions as nothing more than
Uncaring behavior toward me, a kind a caring man
who takes extra precations to insure that we are
Keeping It REAL.

Yes I am hurt, because I have confronted, and
conversed with her on to many occassions, and requested of her to not say certain things, or make offers that she has no intentions to follow
through with.

I am weary of the lack of Empathy that providers
have in regard to the clients!

I don't know if any other man in the hobby has
ever reflected upon this as I have, but to me, I view the hobby as something in which I am paying
a woman, to abuse me emotionally.
And that my friends is not what I desire from a date or interaction with any person.

-- Modified on 7/8/2007 4:29:46 PM

T2

You know what?  I thought I did my homework about the hobby before entering it.  I have only been in it for less than 1 year.  I looked at what the risks were from being busted by the wife and LE, and the risk of STDs.  Then I carefully, mind you, CAREFULLY, went about finding out about screening and then took the big leap.

I thought I was pretty smart - did my homework.  Guess what - I wasn't as smart as I thought I was.  I got into the same emotional garbage you're in - with a provider who does many of the same things yours does.  I never thought it would happen, but it did.  And based upon the numerous posts along this same topic, many others have fallen into the trap.  It is common.  And what happens is largely up to how YOU deal with it.

What you ultimately do from here is up to you.  But I would say this in the most sincere and respectful way - do not confuse her emotional abuse with your ALLOWING her to CONTINUE to emotionally abuse you.

As in my own personal situation, I am taking stock of what I can and cannot tolerate.  I still do not know if I will stay or if I will walk.  But if I do decide to walk, walk I will.  Unfortunately for me, I live in an area that does not boast of an overabundance of high quality providers.  Therefore, I must make the decision carefully.  I am working on it.

But I would say, as in the words of wisdom from the LG.........for the future T2........CAVEAT EMPTOR.......let the buyer beware.

BS

But in your

Good sense here.  All this is so subjective, it really boils down to what T2 and others in that situation are willing to tolerate.  If you really feel you are being abused emotionally and taken advantage of, as LG suggests, you've got to walk.  If you think the relationship is genuine despite its problems, it may be worth salvaging if both of you can work it out and come to an understanding.  But it seems that you both are beyond the level of playing cat and mouse, and it's time to find out where this relaltionship stands.

You are so very correct, I have not seen her since
I posted this thread, The reason why I posted this
thread, is because I needed to know that I was in
fact getting emotionally abused.
Now I have to make my decision, thanks for sharing.

T2

a relationship with a provider requires that we continually ask ourselves, "Am I getting at least as much from the relationship as I'm putting into it?".  If the answer is no, then that's a cue to start addressing the issues or disentangling. I'm a pretty selfish bastard and I always expect some return on my investment in relationships. Sometimes that may only be  a bit of introspection about why I engaged in a certain behavior. Sometimes it may be incredible sex. Sometimes it may be insights that shake the foundation of who I think I am. I'm the only one who can be the judge of whether I'm getting at least as much as I'm giving.

Trooper, it sounds like you've learned an awful lot about yourself and your own boundaries. The most important lessons we learn are very often painful. That keeps us from having to learn them over and over. Don't be angry or hurt. Thank your teacher. But, don't forget the lessons!

Thanks for your insighful views W.W.
I have known about my boundaries for some time now, the pain that I experience, is when others
attempt to move or change my boundaires without my
permission,
I can say that I am not angry, but rather, I am somewhat upset with the situation, in that I have made every attmept to address the issues, but the results have been poor.
Best stated, is that I am willing to work upon closing the gulf, but I feel as if the other side has left the majority of the bridge building to me. I know better than to attempt to erect a bridge from only one point, it has to be from both
sides of the gulf, to have a solid foundation.
Be it any relationship, Business, or romantic, or
friendship, so this is why I feel pained, simply because she is leaving all the grunt work to me,
which I have no intention to do all by myself,
I have a failed past marriage, in which the lions
share of the labor was upon my shoulders alone, and this is where I learned a very painful lesson about investments.

So Just as you suggest, I have some decisions to make, do I disentangle? or do I step back and become indifferent? or do I mirror the other persons investments?
I got some soul searching to do, but I do know that I do not wish to be left hanging in limbo.

I'm an emotional cripple, so this trite contribution ought to be considered in that light.

You mention that the provider is younger.  How much younger, I wonder?  Is the age difference great enough where you could have been her dad?

If so, depending upon what you know about her personal life, specifically her relationship with her dad, is it remotely possble that she's, knowingly or not, thinking of you as some sort of father figure?  Hence perhaps some of her own confusing and eratic behaviors, as she herself may be juggling two different sets of emotional relationships with you, each necessary to fulfill different emotional needs on her part?

I once developed a social relationship with a provider, considerably older than me, and like Dickens wrote, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.  I really dug her, and the sex at that time was great, but all the conventional things we did together -- beachgoing, picnicing, theater, dinner, movies, etc... meant far more to me than it did to her.  Over time I was able to see this in it's proper light, i developed a relatively [for me] long term civvie relationship, and gradually I managed to distance myself from her and the misplaced emotions i had developed for her.

I still see her a few times a year.  Interetingly, she always manages to bring up the fact that we are nowhere as close as we were way back when. And she asks me what changed! After all that, a simple and crazy fact remains -- apart from her family, i'm the closest and longest-lasting personal relationship she's ever maintained.  Crazy and amazing -- and a testament to her own emotional aloofness and whatever demons may be haunting her.

Sorry for your pain.  Hope things can be resolved and straightened out.

Good luck, best wishes.

...about the question relative to the providers relationship with her father.  In reference to my own tribulations, I have managed to find out the providers relationship with her father was completely absent for a long time before his death - and was never restored.  I often wondered if I was some sort of surrogate because, as you say, the behaviors were so confusing and erratic.  

Kudos to you Xiaoming, I think you make a very excellent point.

BS

In any relationship the person who is more involved has less power than the other. TO BE CLEAR - the person with more power need not have any mal-intent.  We'll assume your lady is a wonderful person. But she is young and she has more power in this relationship than you. Its understandable that she may not handle her power with the wisdom and care that you would were the situation reversed. After all for most of us wisdom comes with age. It is probably unrealistic for you to expect that a woman in her 20s would treat your feelings with the consistency that you in your 50s treat hers.

For 5 years I dated a woman 19 years younger. It was a monsterous roller coaster (worth all the pain btw). She loved me and wanted me, and would cut me to my soul without thinking. Not because she was evil or wished to hurt me, but because she did not understand that her careless behaviors carried weight when applied to me. I hurt her too, because I would bring up things to sort out that were perfectly normal for my generation that simply were not discussed in hers and to her reflected what she thought we short comings I saw in her.

So perhaps your lady is careless. Perhaps she's heartless. Perhaps she simply has no life context to understand your issues. Perhaps its easier to treat you this way. Perhaps she's just young.

Ultimately you need to decide if the REALITY of this relationship (not what you would like it to be) is worth the price. Once you know the answer to that you'll know what to do. I understand that no decision here will be easy for you, but you will know what you need to do.

-J

LG states that the person who controls the sex controls the relationship (or was it the other way around??).  While providers may control the sex, it is the hobbyist who *pays* for it - and remember, guys, it's a FFB business.

In my own situation, the provider told me she was supposed to return to my home range (she was traveling).  She never called and disappeared for 2 weeks - left me hangin', then blew ballast and wanted to hook up.  Kinda pissed me off, ya know??  I simply sent her a message and told her not that I *couldn't* meet her, but that I *shouldn't* meet her.

Let me tell you, that got her attention.

I guess I'm just kinda the type of guy who likes to be treated the same way I treat others - with some degree of courtesy and respect.  The point is, while hobbyists may not have the leverage the ladies do, they do have the power of the buck to make a statement - and the ladies hear that "loud-and-clear"!

The ladies have their tools - and use them.  I simply suggest hobbyists be reminded of their tools - and also to use them.

BS