Okay, so in my business life all my coworkers and clients know me to be this ultraconfident, aggressive, takes-no-prisoners or bullshit kinda guy.  I play the role pretty well.  

When it comes to me on a personal level, I'm shy as hell.  I tried using a service years back when I was in Amsterdam, and was so nervous I couldn't even perform.  Hell, I can't even do a one-night stand with a girl who I barely know because of the nerves, which leads to nonperformance.  Even when I tried calling some providers earlier I could hear my voice getting all quaky.  

And yes, I have some insecurity issues about my body which ties in to the nerves issue, even though I've been told I look fine and I'm a good size.

My question is thus, is it even worth it for me to try this?  

I've heard the right provider will totally make me at ease, but even in the past I've had girls try to do that to no avail.  Also, the girls who I've viewed who I think I would be interested in seeing I know are going to be a pretty penny, and while I'm making money now, I'm not keen to waste it cuz my nerves won't ease up.

And I don't know if I can post this question here (if this question isn't kosher, someone please delete this section): I am looking for a nice tall trim white girl in the LA area who above all else isn't a clockwatcher bitchy type, in other words, a GFE with DFK, DATY, BBBJ who also just has a good attitude.  Recommendations anyone?  Or am I just dreaming?

LoveGoddess?  Providers?  Hobbyists?  Anyone?  Bueller?  Bueller?

And yeah, I just signed up for TER so I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Dear BrandNewbieInCa,

You should probably go to the Newbie board (see FAQ for Newbies to the left of this message) for this concern. As to the answer to your question, no one knows, except you, after you've tried it. It's pointless for even 1,000 guys to come forward and say yes, do it, it's great...because you could be the 1,001th guy who feels differently.  

I can't selectively delete parts of your message, so I have let it stand as it is. But please be aware that this is NOT a solicitation board and anyone who feels like issuing a recommendation for a particular person will be put on moderated status immediately, period.

On the other hand, if you really want to feel at ease, then DON'T have sex with the provider on the first date at all. Since you are "making money now," you might have to bite the bullet and shell out some extra in making it a platonic date...and then slowly escalate in a series of dates...just like a civvie relationship. Or are those tricky too, due to the shyness/body image issue?

And yes, ladies who serve up a complete menu and who have the looks and the positive reviews to match will charge what the market will bear - and rightly so. They are true professionals and will try their best to make sure you are relaxed, particularly if they are of the more "mature" variety with some psychological insight. Of course there are ones in the 18-25 bracket that fit that kind of bill as well, but generally speaking, the older, the more experienced, the more she will have encountered this issue before...and known how to handle it.

So if you want a chance at succeeding...book a few multi-hour dates, go see a movie, go have a meal, see how far you can go, even if it's just necking in the car...and leave it at that. And then repeat the process with increased exposure. You may surprise yourself at how little coaching you actually will need, once you feel a little more in control [this is fundamentally a control issue, make no mistake about it, my friend.] In the end, you'll get your wick dipped just like everyone else, trust me.

Have fun with the chosen lady,
the Love Goddess

I was so scared the first time that I booked a 2 hour session and we talked for the first half hour while she was rubbing my crotch with her foot through my clothes.  I liked it but was so scared that I didn't even get hard.  I then asked to take a shower with her.  She soaped me up really good and slowly worked in the lather and then slowly rinsed me off.  As I was toweling off she got on her knees and asked permission to BBBJ.  That got me hard and she started.  After that it was a blur of CG, RCG, Mish, with lots of BBBJ in between and DATY too.  If we had gone directly to the good stuff I think I would have froze up and failed.  Instead I left having had the time of my life...to that point.  Lots of great times since and with lots of confidence.  Take it slow, got someone with a rep for being able to handle all situations, let her know your concerns and relax and let her lead you to the promised land.  Stress free pleasure is hard to not be aroused by.  No expectations from either of you will work wonders.

Yeah, me. My first time, I was more nervous than I ever remember being. I got very lucky, and found a mature, experienced lady, who knew I was a rookie. Going in, I knew I was going to do or say something incredibly stooopid, and I probably did. I was tripping over things that weren't there. My voice was cracking as it did when I was a teenager. The lady I was with took her time and put me at ease. Everything else just happened very naturally. As I said, I got lucky, and I saw her a few more times before I got brave, and tried calling another lady. Well, it's three years later, I'm a "seasoned veteran", and guess what! I still get nervous as hell. My voice still cracks when I make that first phone call. I still trip over things that aren't there, and yes, I still come up with brand new things to do or say to embarass myself.

When I first started posting on TER, I asked a very similar question on the general board. I was totally expecting to get burned at the stake, but instead got some very informative replies from some gents who had been around for a long time. Even after years, some of them still get nervous, so you see, it's not just you and me. There are a lot of us who are very confident in our professional, everyday life, but on the personal side, it's a different story.

As LG said, nobody can tell you if it's right for you, or if it's worth it. All I can say is that I was and am very similar to you. For me, I wouldn't trade my experiences here for anything. Try putting a few posts on the Newbies Board. There are some extremely sensitive, helpful people over there. You may find some advice from both ladies and gents that will be useful to you. I wish you all the luck in the world. You have certainly come to the right place if you want to make an informed decision.

Hey there.

I recently started seeing a man with an issue identical to yours.  We are slowly working on it and have made a LOT of progress in just a short time.

You would be amazed at how a few hours with a genuinely nice girl, with whom you have definite chemistry, can help you overcome your nerves. I suggest that you book LONG appointments, especially at first (at least 3 hours), to give you plenty of time to talk and get comfortable -- maybe even take her out to lcunh or something.

And I know it is easier said than done, but try to relax.  As a provider, I know in my case that I am never trying to pressure a man and I never have any expectations.  You need to do what makes you feel uncomfortable.

Good luck finding what you seek!

-- Modified on 11/15/2008 10:34:21 AM

Im kinda the same way, shy around girls b/c I feel as though I should know what to do..yet I don't.

Can you please elaborate on that last part of your responce?

thx on advance

No problem, mede!!in,

It's quite simple. When you're in control over what you do/think/feel, anxiety is generally not an issue. It's like bicycling, driving, or anything else that you do with some regularity, frequency and ease. N.b. that I'm not saying that you need to be in control over someone else - far from it. It's your own feelings you are in control over, in this case the nervousness (we mental health folks call it anxiety) and sometimes even feelings of self-worth and self-esteem.

If you've banged and dated hundreds of girls, it's something familiar to you, hopefully enjoyable and something you look forward to, with a minimum of stress. Granted, some eu-stress (positive stress) is good, as in the anticipation of something great and fun, e.g. meeting a new girl for the first time. But for those with anxiety, that low stress level goes up and up and up, and pretty soon, these guys are no longer in control over their feelings. So where's the anxiety gonna go? Well, either these po' boys shut down completely and withdraw (a shyness-like response) or, they can go the other way...dry mouth, jittery feelings, babbling a lot, saying stuff you later wonder why you did, deeming yourself "uncool," etc. All of these behaviors are related to an UNCONTROLLED anxiety response and hence the anxiety itself needs to be brought down under control by the individual himself.

PS. Someone in the mix here advised going to a therapist for CBT (cognitive behavioral treatment). While I heartily agree with this, I can say that the majority therapists would have some difficulty with the disclosure of meeting with prostitutes (or providers, call girls, whatever you want to call them). It's very unfortunate that our profession is so sex-negative and that there are so many covert moralistic interventions being encouraged. But fundamentally, therapists lean on the disease/forensic model when it comes to advising someone to participate in paid sex, either as a client or as a provider. So, if someone wants to find a sex-positive therapist, best go looking for them at www.aasect.org or through word-of-mouth.

Hope that clarifies the issue,
the Love Goddess

I joined TER about a year ago and saw my first provider last October.  I was so nervous that the session did not go very well and I left wondering whether I should pursue this hobby or forget the whole thing. It looked like I might be wasting my money. My associates at work laughed at me when I suggested that I was shy, but I do feel shy around attractive women.

I have some problems with my weight and appearance, so I decided to slim down and firm up by diet and exercise.  My reward for getting back into shape is to hobby.  

After ten months of mulling it over, I decided to give it another chance.  I checked reviews carefully and selected a provider more like the women that I have lived with and loved for most of my life, instead of a voluptuous fantasy, which I went for the first time.

I saw my second provider earlier today and had an absolutely fantastic session with her.  I had to really push myself to make the call to the booker, but I did, and I made the commitment to see things through.  Before the session, I walked around outside for a while and calmed myself down with some breathing exercises.  Once I got into the room with the lady, everything went fine.  She was what I needed and I had a great time.

I can say that I am fortunate to have followed LG's advice and found an aasect therapist. I have shared my hobby with the therapist and the progress that my ATF has helped me with. I was too unfamiliar with sexual intimacy to perform, but just recently, I was able to stay hard enough to get a condom on and penetrate her. Now, yeah, I only lasted a couple of minutes, but it's a start. The important thing is that I can discuss this with my therapist.

Welcome to the club & as others have already said you are not alone. My first try was way before I found TER. I was out of town on business & went to an AMP - not knowing anything but hoping. This place had a mat on the floor which should have been my 1st clue. Beautiful young Latina comes in & we talk & she has me lay on my stomach & begins a lousy massage centered on my butt & eventually she reaches in & touches my balls. All this time my hear is thumping & I'm drenched in sweat. She asked if I'd like a special & I said yes & we agreed on a price. She left to get a condom, came back & stripped - absolutely beautiful But I just couldn't get hard. She asked if it was my 1st time & I said yes. I had never cheated before on my wife in 30 yrs of marriage. She was so sweet about it & even returned some of my money & told me to come back again & we'd have some real fun. That was 2 1/2 yrs ago & since then I've seen 16 provider. Some really sweet women doing this & all have treated me with sympathy & patience. Good luck.