I consider myself to be a nice guy. But women will go out with me but only as friends. I am going out with a women right know  we have a lot in commen and we enjoy each others company but she  only wants to be friends. I have never had a serious relationship with a women. I know the main reason is my looks I am not attractive at all mainly because of my teeth I have a server overbite. I am now 53 years old. The only way I have been able to have sex is with a provider. I have had some very nice times. But i allways feel quilty afterwords. But this is the only way I can have sex.  I was a virgin until I was 36 years old
When I saw my first provider I go through long periods without sex. Then the urge gets so strong I have to see a provider.Is there any way I can overcome the quilt feeling?

Dear bowl47,

You MUST be a very nice guy, because otherwise women would not want to be friends with you. So that's one GIANT variable in your favor!

As to the "main reason" being a severe overbite..for some reason, I'm a little skeptical on that one. It may be that you have focused on it because it has bothered you to such a degree that it has made you very self-conscious and therefore affected your romantic relationships overall?

In any event, I am pleased that you have found a pleasurable sexual outlet by meeting with providers..there are so many nice ones! But I am curious as to why you feel guilty. Is it because you feel that you are taking advantage of another human being? Or is it because you feel it's [egads, drumroll please] MORALLY wrong???

If that's the case, please stop immediately. Providers you meet through TER are generally - and I mean an overwhelming majority - in this business to a) make money and b) do it in a way that satisfies a multitude of needs. They are generally NOT abused women who have been driven to this type of work for lack of better opportunities. Instead, they have realized that sex is a commodity and a service, and like many other services in this world, it should be available for a price.

And of course, there are zillions of providers who just LOVE their jobs. Yep, it is true. If you don't believe me, post your message on the General Discussion board, and you'll see how many ladies will volunteer to help you get rid of any guilt feelings your psyche can muster. So please don't feel guilt or discomfort for the ladies...they are doing very well in this world, thank you.

Now, some of those guilt feelings may have their roots in your upbringing, background, religious beliefs, etc. Many people bring up their children to believe that providers are low-class, bad, amoral, etc. And then those beliefs linger in our heads as toxic arrows of morality, threatening to pierce every shred of fun we may have when consorting with not just providers, but anyone highly sexual for that matter.

So what can I do to absolve you? Well, I say the POX ON GUILT!!! No more! No más [since I'm in LA, LOL.] Guilt in this case is a wasted emotion. And on top of it, if you have a shred of the heebie-jeebies underlying your "nice times," you'll just be more tense and avoid having sexual contact for as long as possible....and that just derails your training wheels for meeting with potential "civilians."

I say, don't wait until your fly is ready to burst open - get out there and practice, practice, practice, with every provider your wallet can handle. The more contact you manage to cultivate with women, the easier it will be for you to realize that overbite or not, ultimately, it's your PERSONALITY that will seize the day..and the lady, in the end.

Don't despair, just go for it,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 7/21/2007 5:03:57 PM

Just have to say - I often feel almost overwhelmed at how sensitive, caring and knowledgeable a friend we have in her.  And to think she does all this as a volunteer, without getting paid.  

At the risk of sounding corny: thank you, LG, for all you do.

see that?!! I knew you would eventually consider it.

You gave me sound advice. But it is hard not to feel this way because all you hear is that it is wrong to have sex for money. You are using women for sex. when I am with a provider I do treat her as I would if it was a girlfriend I do recieve pleasure when I am with a provider. Do providers get any sexual pleasure being with a client? I would feel better if I new they where having a good time too. Do they really enjoy giving pleasure to men? Thanks for the advice I will try to feel less quilty the next time I see a provder. Which will be soon as it has been 14 months since I have had sex. I m not kidding it has been that long.