Dear Howyadoin3,

Under normal circumstances, I would not let this comment stay, since it is not a psychosexual question. But this is Santa time and so here you are. Yes, it's sad for you and great for her that she's moving on. I hope you find a new ATF and that she finds success in whatever she's decided to pursue.

Happy holidays anyway,
the Love Goddess

Each has left fond memories and I still miss them all and think of them often.  Of course, if previous ladies had not retired I never would have met the two wonderful ladies that I am seeing now...

When one door closes another opens!

I hear you, brother.

I went whole hog on the emotional investment thing and I'm extremely lucky that when my ATF retired we were able to keep a relationship going. It's been some work doing it's also been one of the more rewarding relationships of my adult life. No pain, no gain

I've had it both ways.... an ATF retiring, and then me retiring!

The ATF and I had gone beyond bounds, so when she retired we were both still seeing each other.  However, it eventually ended with no further contact.  It was the most wonderful relationship of my life and I'll always treasure it even though there is regret and pain.  As Mr Fisher says.... better to have loved and lost....

When I retired, I was fortunate enough to have built a great friendship with a couple of the ladies I spent a lot of time with, and the result has been valuable friendships that have lasted.  In one case, it took a few months for the re-contact to develop on a platonic friendship basis.  So don't give up.... if it's meant to be, you may still have a friend.

If not...... as BG57 said, more ATF's to come!  

On the emotional investment thing.... not always a bad thing if you can handle it with an open palm.... ie no strings, enjoying the person as much as she is willing and able to contribute, but being able to not be possessive or selfish.  Few of us hobbyists can do that, so the general rule that we hear so much of about becoming attached to a provider is sound.  

That being said, I've found the polyamorous side of me through hobbying and have learned that I enjoyed the experience much better if I was open to whatever developed.  I went in to each provider experience totally myself, an open book, and where it was reciprocated, friendships developed.  In a handful of the special ladies I saw, some pretty special friendships developed and I feel richer for the experience.  It has to be a non-possessive gift on both sides to work though.

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