I got divorced 5 yrs. ago and none of this used to be a problem at all. Now that I've been with my  fiance' for the last few years and a number of great providers over the years for some reason I can't CUM in their pussy (with or without a rubber) or in their mouths and these gals have been awesome lovers. I'm an in shape 50 y.o. and workout 4X/week so no problems with health or erections it's just that the "cascading effect" that causes me to CUM the best comes from an erotic handjob and erotic stories and talk only. I have sex 2-3X/ day.
I can jack-off and CUM with an erotic provider fingering or dildoing herself but never from even a great deep throater or a very acrobatic partner.... Wierd !!!
I don't understand it since both pussy and mouth fucking feels so Damn awesome....any thoughts????

Dear babemagnet,

This and related issues have been discussed in many threads on this board. At this point, I think many posters agree with the statement that the brain is the most important sexual organ we humans possess, and that pressuring said organ to do something can definitely backfire.

Also, I don't want to be the bearer of bad tidings, but age can play a role. It is possible that these days, you need more friction and pressure than vaginal contractions can provide.

On the other hand, having sex 2-3x/day can cause any grown man [ok, 17-year-old boys are exempt from this issue] to have anejaculatory responses. I suspect you're not giving yourself enough refractory time. At 50, the body does take longer to recharge. It's simply not the same battery that was operating at age 15-20. Of course, there are exceptions, but as a general rule, this is what happens.

My paradoxical intervention would be not to have ANY sex for at least a week, and then see if you can come inside a vagina. Give your body some physical rest. As an aside, I'm also wondering what you do for a living...I don't think I know any money-making adults who have the time for 2-3x/day trysts. Is there something else going on that we should know about?

And finally...I hope you are only enjoying going vaginal bareback with your fiancee. Any other behavior would be very irresponsible and not recommended.

Interesting to hear from other board members,
the Love Goddess

Recharging and the brain...

I'm 53, also quite fit, have no med conditions such as hypertension or diabetes and I am not taking meds for any reason.  While I differ from babemagnet in that I have no problem climaxing vaginally or orally during 'round 1', my second round attempts are failing at an ever increasing and very frustrating rate.  I simply cannot gauge how much recovery time I need.  I know I can go daily 100% of the time but I can't figure out if I need 2 hours, 3 hours or more before I can climax again.  So truth be told, I worry about this during long provider sessions and guess what?  If I start thinking I might not be able to go, it almost certainly becomes reality.

So recharging and thinking about it is actually my biggest sexual performance concern. Is it my age?  Is it genetics (a provider once told me of an overnight with a 60+ guy who awoke her hourly all night long.  This was right after Round 1 and inside I was crying  because I knew I was doomed.)?  Is it low testosterone? Can some meds help with recovery?, etc.

On the plus side I wonder if my first climax, which is almost always knee-buckling and toe curling, is so intense and I'm so sexually satisifed that my big head finally wins the battle of my eyes and little head and says 'No Mas!'?

So a longer recovery period might just do the trick for babemagnet.  Perhaps if you get so  worked up and horny before a sex session (i.e. a raging hard-on) then the mind will say 'I can't wait to cum in her' instead of 'I wonder if i can cum in her?'.

the problem with you is not to cum...but how.

Lots of "single" guys, after they go thru a marriage with non existent sex, get addicted to visual stimulation and their hands.

Your fingers knows exactly "where" to touch to give you the "cascade" effect. For you to get to this point, you need the fantasy provided by the visual (porn or watching a girl playing with herself) or simply have a woman helping you with your stroking with the dirty talking going on.

Today, many young guys have a similar problem...they grew up watching lots of porn on the internet, j/o many times a day...creating a dependency on their own hands and in the need to "see" to get to cum.

Your problem is not physical, but mental. You need a woman who understand what is going on and is willing to blend your stimulation needs into the foreplay and help you make the transition to her body.

Is not an easy thing to do...because is all up there in your head.

why is this a problem?

Unless you are trying to have kids, that is.

You enjoy the vaginal and oral sex, so enjoy it longer.

I personally find it satisfying to see myself ejaculate on some part of my partner's body (the face being my favorite, but tits, ass and yes, hands are nice too.)

Plus, many of my partners feel the same way.

Do your partners object, or is it your opinion that you "should" be able to come in the vagina or mouth?

Maybe you should examin the "should".

As for having sex two to three times  day, what can be said except, life is wonderful.

thank u betty_snj for that wonderful insightful remark.  I think alot of guys (myself included) have a tough time facing this fact but masturbating to porn 2-3 times a day will eventually make it impossible for a woman to get you off.  In my not so young life there has been only 1 woman who could push my buttons and a dozen or so who just plain couldnt make it work.  

Another problem some guys have (again myself included) is that we think of "good sex" as something wild and dirty with a professional who has spent years of her life mastering the art of pleasure.. going home to something wearing sweats and a ponytail who considers a 30 second nibble on my weiner to be foreplay.. well it just doesnt compare.

Unfortunately for all my insight I am kinda trapped into this myself and really need to take give up porn and beating off for a very very long time just to build up my "sensitivity" again.  Kinda like one of my other hobbies "puff puff" some things are just better if you space them out and ration them.

A good old HJ is a great finish!

You mentioned that you only get off to an erotic HJ and some nasty talkin'...so why not at least mix and match some vag sex with some oratory filth?

The Goddess spoke and per usual, is right on the money (wonder if she ever provided?) - the big head is fucking with the smaller one. Your daily routine (my 50-ish penis can not handle such avid frequency anymore - after a jerk-session, mine turns as red as Rudolph's snowzer and needs an ice pack and few days rest) has lead to a...routine. You will only break the mold slowly, with the right role-playa' and with as little thinking about your predicament as possible.

I totally relate to your story and wish you the best...but as one other pointed out, you seem to be living life quite large anyhow.

There are providers out there that could lend a hand...and then lead to a vag pop...with sufficient nasty-talk. I know one in particular but she seems to be on an elongated hiatus right now or I'd share....

I had that same problem with a cetain medication I was put on while I was going thru my divorce. It eventually stopped & I was able to cum without problems

Egads, you little Love Puppet,
Who needed providin' when the 70s were around?
I must have nailed 900 guys before the decade was over...anything less, and you were considered a prude...and a prune!

The ancient
Love Goddess

Not to mention poor. Which explains why I'm a sex freak in the 21st century...and quickly returning to poverty. At least I'll enter the poor house with a smile on my face!

Babe Magnet, this may sound wierd to you, but, if all else fails, why don't you try to forget about your own performance and instead try to build more of a personal relationship with a provider (or other female friend).  Take her out to breakfast or lunch, and start to learn about each other. Hopefully, maybe come to like one another.  

Yes, we can have good sex with total strangers, and sometimes the very lack of familiarity can be very exciting.

But what LG calls the biggest sexual organ, the brain, can be a quite funny thing.  Sometimes, it demands friendship first!

I visited one provider friend in the emergency room twice this week (she's OK now) and just e-mailed info on a continuing ed college course to another. Yes, these are paid professional relationships, with appropriate limits; but yet they and I are also friends.

I'm an old guy in his late 60's, yet I don't ever have to worry about my sexual performance with either of them...because that truly doesn't and wouldn't ever matter.  Our relationships are based on more that just that.  Paradoxically, when you don't have to worry about sex, the sex can be great!

I feel that when we men talk to one another about sex with wives or providers, we sometimes focus too much on the physical - our and her performance, what positions, orgasm or not, etc.  There's so space in TER reviews for what non-sexual subjects we discussed!

But sometimes, when we don't perform well with a stranger, it's our own brain saying to  us, "I want a little more than that today.  I want the security of a caring relationship first - only then will I let you have great sex."

Sex with a stranger isn't always easy or exciting...it can be scary! Sex with a real friend (albeit a paid one) can feel much safer and therefore turn out quite differently.  

So: try once in a while not to focus on sex, but on friendship. You may then be very surprised at how your problem will disappear, all by itself.

Or, to put it another way, worry about your ears, not your penis.  Ask yourself - Are you hearing her, and learning about her?  Or are you just focusing on yourself? You have two ears and one penis.  Maybe that means we need to listen to her, and get to know her, with twice as much energy as we give to the penis.  

If all else fails, try that course, diligently for a while. And then please let us know whether or not you get great sexual surprises as a pleasant byproduct.

Hope you may find this admittedly unusual advice helpful.

Babe Magnet, Thought I should makle clear: I am *not* talking about those high-end providers who offer expensive 'dinner dates' and charge for time with you at meals.  

I mean instead asking a provider you know, "Would you like to have lunch sometime" (with your meal time on an unpaid basis).
Most will say no, which is perfectly appropriate - don't take that personally. Most will not have the time and interest.

But you may be able to find some who would enjoy a little friendship with you, which (as I was trying to suggest) might make things a whole lot easier for you. Providers get lonely and need friends, just like anyone else.

The key is communication.  Maybe you could tell her something like this: "I have a hard time cumming inside.  So I may take a long time with no climax resulting, but I'll still enjoy that." That might take some pressure off you and her. And you can then ask for and get a hand job at the end, if needed.

Have fun.  Just enjoy the game, and don't worry about the score at the end.  There's really no winning or losing with sex - just enjoying the ride.  

Put another way - an orgasm cannot be willed.  It's beyond conscious control.  So don't expect that.  When your mind is ready for you to come, you'll come.  (But not beforehand.)

Since I am in my 60's also I have to agree with you totally.Things aren't the same as when you are younger and everything is physical.I used to just want to get off,never mind whether she did or not.

Now,I like to be Friends as well as Sexual partners.The longer I know a Lady,the better it gets.

BostonGreg,
Great advice. And right on par. I have noticed that with nasty talk and vaginal sex if the sexual position is VERY erotic I can get off with my fiance'. Not with a provider ever, yet!
Your thoughts are appreciated. I do believe I'm more of a relationship guy to have all systems go.Thanks to all.Great responses.