Hi,
Well what can I say other than I don't orgasm while having intercourse. It's extremely frustrating for me, and I know my husband is discouraged too. I am able to have clitoral orgasms but at times those are touch and go. What's wrong with me? I want to experience it but just never seem to "go there". Can anyone suggest what I can or should do........thanks so much!

Not a woman, so can't really answer your question.  But I can say that, in my personal experience in multiple relationships, more women orgasm by other means versus through penetration alone.

I have only known 4 women that could do it and three of them were providers.  Only two actually preferred it.

Of course, I don't claim to be Don Juan (hey! good TER handle if it is available) so maybe it was simply ME that was the problem.  But that wasn't what I was told.

Be glad that you CAN orgasm.  From what I understand, there are plenty of women that can't.  Luckily rather uncommon though.

Relax dear,
You are one in about 85% of all women out there. Very few women actually climax exclusively from penetration - the clitoris has to be stimulated.

If this is the case, then you'll need to ask yourself what it is that CAN get you off. Masturbation? Anal? The wrong guy? Not relaxed enough? There are hundreds of reasons why. Unless we know more, it's hard to say.

For now though, rest assured that you are normal. If you can, try  doing it doggie and get a small vibrator or your husband's nimble fingers to stimulate your clitoris. Is he being a tad rough? Sometimes the clitoral area is so sensitive that the mere touch of a feather is enough to send a woman over the edge.

One thing you can do is to stop worrying that there is something wrong. That can ruin the start of anything. Try to stay as relaxed as possible.

Just a question - do you get fireworks when you are attracted to a brand new guy? Sometimes women can do it with gusto for about a year or so, and then all of a sudden, the orgasm well dries up. I hate to say this, but it may be your body signaling that you need "fresh blood." But it doesn't seem to be your case - or is it?

In any event, you may need to write back with more details, as we might need more info to provide some more feedback.

Masturbate first and see what happens,
The Love Goddess

Thank so much for your reply, I thought more woman were having orgasms through penetration but I was wrong. Now I don't feel so bad after all!

To answer your questions, I have never been able to have an orgasm during sex. Only with oral sex or masturbation am I able to, I have tried a vibrator on the clitoris but it didn't work so well. I was kinda let down cause I wanted to climax but didn't know how to really let go while having a penis inside me! My husband actually has been the only one that really has given me an orgasm during oral sex, no one else wanted to work at it!

My husband is an amazing lover, he might be the best sex I have ever had. I am very attracted to him, he does turn me on at times just looking at him I get excited.  He's very open minded, and patience too. I know that it bothers him alittle that I don't orgasm while inside me. I want to experience it with him, and to be honest I don't need fresh blood. We have had a threesome with another woman, but he wants one now with another man. I am on the fence about it just cause of my comfort level.

It's just one of those things that has bothered me since I started to have sex.....

Again thanks so much for all your insight!

I think that's the way God intended it to work.

8o)

during Missionary if I took a low angle, kneeling between her legs, and gently stimulated her clitoral area with my thumb, up and down, in rhythm with the strokes.....

You're the type of gal that Masters and Johnson would salivate over - the gal that is Everywoman and proud of it.

I'm so happy for you that you can get off with oral sex and masturbation. And, I'm so happy you're happy with your husband too. So my advice to you is to get as much oral sex as possible. I don't know if you're a "civvie" or a provider, but my word, most men DO love giving oral. In fact, there are some men who really practice it as an art. Your husband may very well be one of them. You are lucky, my dear, lucky. Also, you don't say how old you are, but my guess is somewhere in your late 20s-early 30s? If that is the case, your capacity for orgasm is only going to expand and grow. It's entirely possible that you will be orgasming from manual in conjuction with coitus later on in life. One never knows!

Happy cunning linguist hubby is good to have,
The Love Goddess

-- Modified on 6/12/2009 9:53:26 PM

First off, don't get discouraged or frustrated because that will just make it more difficult for both of you.  As LG said, a high percentage of women have difficulty reaching orgasm from intercourse alone- even women who might reach orgasm with a vibrator or from oral stimulation.  

Back when I was in my physical prime, i had a GF that loved sex but never reached an orgasm.  And we had sex for hours at a time- every type, every position, every variety.  She enjoyed it all but never had the big O.  After a while I also started to get discouraged and even doubted my abilities.  She kept saying she enjoyed having sex and it was OK that she didn't have an orgasm.  Naturally, I didn't believe her.

Then one night I slept over at her house and she showed me her vibrator- it was a huge thing that ran off 110v current from the wall.  I told her I wanted to see what she usually did to make herself orgasm and she agreed.  When I saw the amount of pressure and stimulation she applied to her clit, it hurt just to watch.  I realized she knew exactly what it would take, and also knew that no man was ever going to make her cum with his penis.

Believe it or not, seeing her masturbate in this manner allowed me to relax, took the pressure off her, and renewed our sex life.   This is my long way of saying that you probably know what makes you orgasm and it may be something a penis can't do.  That's OK, and you should let your husband know that.   But assuming you can have orgasms when you masturbate, don't feel shy about bringing those techniques into your lovemaking.

Sometimes its embarrassing even for married couples to share these most intimate secrets about their sexual response.  For example, how many men or women admit to enjoying anal stimulation?  Yet, I've had more partners orgasm intensely from a properly placed finger than I can count- they were just too embarrassed to admit it.

LIke LG suggested, if you need to hold a vibrator on your clitoris while your husband is inside you, then by all means do so!  I know from personal experience that he'll probably enjoy the sensation as much as you do because the vibrations will be transmitted to him through you.  Eventually, you'll figure out how to time it.  And if it makes him come too quickly, as it might, just keep using the vibrator on yourself while he gives you some nice post-coital caressing.   I don't know a man in the world that doesn't enjoy watching his woman have an earth=shaking orgasm, regardless of the source.

Remember, there's not right or a wrong way to have an orgasm- there's just what works for you and what doesn't.  So don't feel bad about needing a little help, it just means you're in the same situation as most other women.

This is how I learned the 2 minute orgasm...While on top of your husband have him use his hand to push into your lower abdomen.
It will push his penis into your G spot.
I orgasm easiest thru penetration & have a puffy G spot, I hear that makes a difference but it's worth a try for you!

For me there is nothing more intimate than kissing my lover while I'm having an orgasm.

Good luck, you sound like a lucky girl

Brennan

I have always been very orgasmic, and respond well to both internal and external stimulation for a full release. That's one of the reasons I am here on this board lol

I will be 46 next month and one would think that it would change at some point but I have always been this way. I think it's a family curse.

There have been times when I had difficulty reaching orgasm but it didn't last long and usually was due to stress or some medication I had to take for a short period. Believe it or not, there are a lot of medications that people take all the time without realizing how much it affects their ability to orgasm. And most don't list it on the label, you have to contact the pharmaceutical company to get those details and case studios. Prescriptions like anti-depressants and meds for people with obsessive disorders can inhibit release, on in particular I know of actually increases your sex drive but you can't EVER seem to release. The few I have talked to that have been on it have complained it interfered with their hobby lol.

You're so right, Miss Marie!  I take Lexapro for anxiety, and it really dulls things down.  Viagra will get me hard--ultimately, however, it interferes with orgasm.  I haven't had a release from a BJ for many years.  Sigh.  It's not just females, is it?

Thank you for your kind words!

I am 35 and have had my share of lovers, some  were just a "fuck" if I can say that and very very few were actually lovers.  Either way I have only been able to cum with my husbands oral sex. Just alittle frustrating  when you think of a man and how he can cum, more than less of the time!

I will keep receiving oral sex it's mind blowing, toe curling, goose bumping, out of this world feeling!

THANK YOU
for all your advice and everyone else!!!

Thank you for honesty...my husband does enjoy watching me masturbate. I feel the same way about sex as your partner did, I love sex. I will be taking all your advice and using that....

Thanks so much
Marsgirl

I dont orgasm while having intercourse either,but i LOVE to f*ck so i dont stress it.
Enjoy the sex and dont get hung up on not being able to cum.

She needs clitoral stimulation.  But the interesting thing is that just Clitoral stimulation cannot do it either.   She needs both.

But that is the way it is with women.

Men just need friction.   Most Women need the proper lighting, the proper temperature, the right pressure, the right person, the right speed, etc..

your posting was very interesting to me. my wife NEVER cums when im inside her.it doesnt matter whether im on top or shes riding me CG.the problem is when she is really horny , we make love and i cant hold back(i never can!!) from cumming.  she gets sooo frustrated because she hasnt orgasmed and she is going nuts.  what i do next works like a charm....she turns on her side facing me. i reach over her leg and finger her clit while we kiss passionately.  i then alternate between licking and sucking her tit-she cums lick an ocean and then so do i-a second time.
when the finger isnt working so well i pull out the vibrator; and when i absolutely have to have that great smelling pussy i go down on her and tease the crap out of her- she is not a big fan of oral but she comes and i ove it!