About a month ago I met a provider who is my ATF!  She makes me feel as if we were dating and I was her only one.  I guess I've experienced a true GFE that's a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10.  We've met 3 times now over the last month and I'm seeing her again in a few more days.  I can't wait.
I feel that I've fallen for her.  When I think of her seeing other guys it makes me feel like a boyfriend would feel if his girlfriend with with another guy. I haven't experienced these feelings in years and years.  I'm hooked on her.  I know she's seeing others because I've seen their reviews and they give her as good a review as I would. So, I know it's not just me. I've even shared my feelings with her to let her know what's happening to me.  She says she's fine with it.  So, I don't know quite what to make of that.
What do I do?  I've been hobbying for about a year now and I've never even come close to feeling this way.  It's always been 100% sex.  Now, it's something much different and I feel that it's controlling me.
I am married and want to stay that way so I guess it's a dead end road with her anyway.  Should I stop seeing her?  Should I just back off and not see her as often?  I'm sure there are many of you others out there that have experienced the same thing.  What do I need to do to fix myself?
Many thanks for your help!

Congratulations, randy3579,

You are the first statistic of the year for the "Help-I-have-fallen-for-a-provider-and-can't-get-up" syndrome. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone and that this issue comes up with regularity (albeit less and less, mercifully) in the years of the Highway's existence. So what to do:

1. You have been honest with yourself AND the provider in question - that's always a plus. Continue to monitor your feelings and share them with her. At some point, she may NOT be fine with it and then she'll suddenly become less available to you - just watch and see. Providers are exquisitely attuned to being driven insane by pestilentious hobbyists and they demonstrate their unwillingness to be the object of someone's increased affection by pulling back. You may see a woman that no longer gets into the encounter 100%, i.e. she may not be as orgasmic as in the past, or she may just appear everso slightly irritated. Or, she may just become extremely busy, or tell you that she's not working as much - either one is a sign of feeling impinged upon. As for her being fine with it now - great, she's making money and you're not being intrusive. As long as you can maintain that balance, she could be "fine" with it for years. But if it escalates - watch out.

Of course, the flipside is that she COULD begin to reciprocate your feelings...which means you'd have an even bigger problem on your hands, since you admittedly are married and want to stay that way. Hence:

2. YES, you should back off and not see her as often. In fact, you should take a big ATF-break RIGHT NOW. Go find other women - isn't that what TER is for?

Eventually, the spell will be broken. Until then, you're in the same GFE/ATF purgatory that many hobbyists have come to experience. Interestingly, you might want to consider putting some of that psychosexual energy into your marriage. It's amazing what a little extra attention will do to a spouse. Just a thought, since you've decided to remain with your wife, that's all.

You're not alone, buddy,
The Love Goddess

We are drawn to those we have great sex with...  it's hormonal.  It helps protect the women & children from the saber toothed tigers out there.  
Great provider sex...  GFE...  is a pretty good way to fall for a provider.  Serial meetings with a great provider are almost irrestable.  We've all been there.  
You DO need to take a break from her, preferably before she puts you on her DNS list as a stalker.  Guys who get too clingy will certaily spoil her business.
I suggest that you find some other lovely lady to spend time with, in fact several.  I now rotate my Favs...  & yes I fall for the one I'm with at the moment.  But I do not let those feels build since, like you, I'm going to stay married.  
At one point I took a almost a year break from an ATF...  I do see her now but only occasionally.  
I have tried reconnecting with my wife with mixed success...  Not a bad thing...
But for now, you need to shut this down before you get badly hurt or do something stupid.
skb

I've been through this two or three times over the last 20 something years, and it's never easy.

I would not go cold turkey, but try to see others and see her less and less.

Eventually you might be able to enjoy her without carrying this baggage around.

"Wouldn't let me leave, telling me how attached she had become, how jealous she was of me seeing other girls.'
"She's still flirting like crazy with me"

 Some ladies are natural born actors and great at sales.
 Ask her out off the clock for a week end, and let us know if she flirts with the same intensity.

I didn't think this would happen to me, but I've fallen.. Hard. I saw about 40 girls in 2010, and it was never more than sex. I thought I was immune because I've only been in love, or even infatuated, once. Then she came along. And she had similar feelings. I have no idea how to deal with these feelings because like I said, I've only experienced this once before (with my wife.)

I think there's a couple of ways this can go. I keep seeing her, the novelty wears off, and we can keep having great sex without the emotions. Or I keep seeing her, my feelings grow, and it's either happily ever after or heartache. Or I stop seeing her, but then I'll always wonder. I think I need to keep seeing her to get it out of my system. I'm going to keep seeing other girls to try to keep my perspective, and as strange as it sounds I'm channeling these feelings into my marriage and trying to appreciate my wife more.

I feel weird writing this, because I never thought it would happen to me in a million years. But, you're not alone. It feels good just to write it down and get it off your chest. Who else can you really share this with?

"If you want gals to stand in line for you, get outta the line you are standing in for them" or something like this. Both ManyPoppins and the OP are standing in a futile and long line. I hope that this helps you two, as it helped me akin to a vicious "2 by 4" strike over my dome

For civies you are right, you don't want to be the clingy/needy/desperate guy if you're really interested in her. In the hobby.. Maybe it's better for everyone involved if she freaks out and runs away. As long as you don't get blacklisted for being a needy client.

For what it's worth, the lady I am talking about is very new to the game so she probably doesn't know how to deal with these emotions either. I think I was her third client. The only client she's seen more than once. And she started it, dammit.  Wouldn't let me leave, telling me how attached she had become, how jealous she was of me seeing other girls. Normally I'd just blow all that off because I've had girls tell me the same in the past, but this was the first time I felt the same way.

She's still flirting like crazy with me.. I'll see her some more and see what happens.. Might be the best thing that every happened. Might be the worst. Might end up being nothing. But I have to know. Maybe I'll learn a valuable lesson.

First . If she is a normal mother who is not homeless or a drug addict, a six figure offer from someone she doesn't love, and sincerely believe  would be a good influence around her child, is no better of a offer than a dollar.

Second . The six hours for one is rare although not absent of chance  with new providers or a traveling provider from another country . Just because she is a provider doesn't mean she can't feel lonely sometimes. If she doesn't have another appointment after you, and she enjoys the comradery she feels, maybe thats more fun in her opinion  than sitting in a room, waiting for the phone to ring with more dumb questions.


Third. If you are doing things with her that your friends are not allowed, it is best not to tell your friends IMO.

Fourth. I noticed your mention of taking a Zanax before visiting  a different provider today and a warning bell went off.
 If you are giving the provider of your desire  samples of your Zanax prescription, there is no long term hope for the two of you.

Other than that I wish you well. If you fall down, I hope you rise with dignity, without despair.
Stranger things have happened, although rarely.

Been there.  Here is my advice:

1) Ask her out on a REAL (off the clock) date.  Most likely she will not accept.  Then you will know where you stand.

2) If she accepts, then treat the situation for what it is -- you are married and have asked another woman out on a date.  If you don't want to be emotionally involved with anyone except your wife, then congratulations, you just jerked around some woman.

The first (and only) time I was stupid enough to fall hard for a provider, I asked her out.  She accepted.  We dated.  It was a disaster.  She didn't know I was married, and eventually I couldn't 'follow through' on the relationship.  We broke up after a few months.  My wife also now knows about it, and still gives me crap for being such a shit to both her and this woman at the same time.

One other time I started to develop feelings for a provider, and she me.  We both knew it.  Then SHE asked me out on a real date.  I balked, she got the message, and doubled her prices.  We are still in contact occasionally, but no romance.  She refuses to even kiss me, even if I were to pay.

Another time a provider developed feelings for me, I didn't have any romantic feelings for her.  I was only fine with friends.  This led to lots of drama.  I still remember running away from her room, her screaming from the window, and then her calling my cell phone and sobbing and begging me to come back while I waited for the train.  I honestly thought she might be suicidal.

Hmmmm.... uh....  If you actually look at the options above, neither turns out good.  So I guess this leads to the third option...

3) Find a new girl to see, ASAP.  WHICH IS WHAT EVERYBODY IS TELLING YOU.  I can vouch for this approach too.   There was one other time a provider sort of started to like me.  We talked, I took a break from her, saw other girls, and we ended up on good terms, knowing exactly where the boundaries lie.  If you want to continue seeing this girl, this is your ONLY decent option.

But anyway, she's most likely lying to you anyway, just like everyone says.  The way to find out is ask her out on that real date.  You're probably not going to be satisfied until you find out anyway, right?  Forget what she says; the only thing that counts is whether she goes out with you or not, completely unpaid.  

Later, come back and tell us what happened, so we can gloat.

I pay her for one hour, she keeps me for 6, until she has to pick up her kid. She has gotten several offers to take her completely off the market. In the six figures. She's turned them down. She's turning down repeat visits from clients she's already seen, except me. She's telling me her real name. She's doing stuff with me she's not doing with anyone else. I know because I know several of the other guys that have seen her really well. If they had done what we've done, they'd be beating down her door to see her again.

On a lighter note, today I took some Xanax, saw another girl that was a "light" version of her. We had amazing chemistry and mindblowing sex with no hint of romance. Amazing how that changed my perspective on things!

....from guys (and girls) who don't really know you or her.

Listen to them if they have something worth hearing, evaluate if it applies to you, but know YOUR situation is never quite like thiers.  Just because 10 of us tell you one thing doesn't mean it's more accurate that what 4 others maight tell you.

I'll add my 3 cents to the advice pile to use as they fit or not:

1.  You need to be brutally honest with yourself:  what are you looking for, what are you WILLING to find (2 very different questions).

2.  If you think you're interested in going outside the P4P boundaries because you've found something and someone special, over half the marriages and 80% of the serious relationships don't last forever.  The odds here are not fundamentally different.

3.  That also means it can and does work.  In your value system, for YOU, is the reward worth the risk and odds?

Whatever you decide to do, good luck.

PS:  Been there, done that in my own way with one provider.  Glad to share the particulars over a beer some time if you'd like.  Known her (my ATF) 10+ years and counting.  We're very good friends, and that's likely the way it will stay.  Just took her out for her birthday tonight and we had a great time withing the rules we set for ourselves.

If she wanted money she could get a lot more from other guys than me. I could easily afford to match any offer she could get (she doesn't know that, she has no clue what I make or what my net worth is), but that kind of thing isn't my style. So she's not trying to sell me. I'm sure of that. She's got tons of guys wanting to see her, so she's not sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. She's been ignoring a lot of the requests. She is very low volume and in high demand.

I'm obviously not telling anyone what we're doing. That's all between us. I don't know if anyone would believe me anyway, LOL.

The Xanax wasn't for the provider I saw today, it was to take the edge off the physical effects of the emotions I was feeling. Get rid of that pit in my stomach. It actually helped. And of course I'm not giving them to anyone else, that's crazy. And having great sex with someone else also helped a lot. Today I feel good.. Tomorrow, who knows. Either way, it's an experience I can learn from. Good or bad.

My emotions tell me that I would be willing to leave my wife for her. That's what my heart is telling me, not my little head. My big head hesitates, because I think about exactly those statistics you quote. And because I have kids. At the same time, my feelings for my wife are not what they once were, and have very strong doubts that I will be married to her for the rest of my life. When will it happen? I don't know.

All of this is not to say that I'm planning on making any rash decisions, or that anything will even come of this. It's just what I'm feeling right now. The feelings may fizzle out and die. It may even be the most likely outcome. I just don't know because I haven't been in this position before. I'm just not the kind of guy that falls in love, so it's all a big surprise to me.

Sorry for going on and on. I appreciate everyone's input.

As the old Chinese (allegedly) proverb goes, "may you live in interesting times", while purporting to be a blessing, it is actually a curse of upheaval, uncertainty and trouble in one's life.

Now, I am in no way, shape or form wishing a curse upon either OP or ManyPoppins, but merely wanted to highlight that both of these posters are indeed "living in their own interesting times"

Good luck and enjoy the ride, CS~

I have to agree with Zangari. Without getting into any flaming issues, the providers I know ALL tell me that 80-90% of the reviews being posted are BS, in so many ways.

Which defeats the ENTIRE purpose of TER, IMHO. I have stopped "hobbying" ( a ridiculous term by the way) for several years but occasionally visit TER for a good laugh.

LG, to her credit, at least provides some semblance of sanity to you deluded gentlemen as Z referred to them.

Reading through this thread is like visiting an insane asylum during a full moon.   I'm reminded of the psychiatric case study  "The Three Christs of Ypsilanti".   In 1959 at  Ypsilanti State Hospital (Michigan), there were three schizophrenic patients who believed they were Jesus Christ.  All three men were placed in one room, just to see what would happen.  A holy trinity, to be sure.

 To you deluded gentlemen of TER:  LG should lock you all in one room.  Then you might realize that you're not George Clooney.  If you were, you wouldn't need providers in the first place.  You wouldn't even need a TER account.  My brothers, my brothers, shake these delusions.  This is the most depressing thread I've read in a long, long time.     --z

"Then you might realize that you're not George Clooney." "If you were, you wouldn't need providers in the first place".

  You see something I don't see. George Clooney has nothing on me, except money.
If I was Gay I might have a different view on reality.
 From a straight guys altered perception, I think Charlie Sheen is  more handsome than Clooney, and most certainly not as wimpy..
Why does Charlie Sheen  enjoy providers?
Now that I'm on the subject, can Clooney find  a  women that isn't a Coke Ho?
Happy New Year
Cheers

" George Clooney has nothing on me, except money."


OK I stand corrected ..He is also more famous than me, however  I will personally guarantee, I am taller,stronger,in better shape, and a much faster swimmer.That counts for a lot at the beach, and playing  volleyball. As a big bonus from my perspective ,I don't have his insecurities when I look in the mirror. I'm not worried in the least about losing my hair, and I smile a lot more than him.
Cheers
http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/celebrity/George+Clooney-20337.html

Zangari,

I was amazed you didn't answer the question that was begged... Did it cure the delusion of any of the three of them?  Fascinating, I am going to look for this book.  It appears to be out of print.

...in Europe.  My friend there has also worked for Vin Diesel.

See the quote below.  Thank you, Quadseasonal, I rest my case.   --z

Thank you Bashful John, we didn't know that Clooney has to fly to Europe just to get laid!  That makes us all feel better.  I just have to drive over to the Super8 off the highway.  --z

Mcphearson: sorry for this tardy reply, I was in the midst of a flame war and missed your thoughtful post.  "The Three Christs of Ypsilanti" is out of print and the Slate article you linked to is the best write up I've seen of the case.  A careful reading of Vaughan Bell's article seems to indicate that the study was a failure:  

"In hindsight, the Three Christs study looks less like a promising experiment than the absurd plan of a psychologist who suffered the triumph of passion over good sense. The men's delusions barely shifted over the two years.."  

I disagree with Bell's description of the case as an "absurd plan".  The idea itself seems brilliantly inspired.  How it was implemented may be subject to criticism.  I'd like to find the book myself.  regards, --z

Outstanding and compassionate answer as always LG. I think I'm falling in love with you.....lol.

Get a clue, dude. She is in a business to make money and if her reviews show others have the same experience with her you've had, well that's just how good she is with everyone who visits her. She may genuinely like having you as a regular client for a lot of reasons but not a single one of them have anything to do with the way you feel about her. Start seeing others. No, it won't be the same, but it will help break your unrequited feelings for her.

Just keep on seeing her until you bust a nut, and enjoy the sex.

See, you'll only see her true self when she refuses to get $$$$ from you.
And you're not at that stage yet - which means you're in make-believe world and

It' still about the Money !

When this has happened to me I've done precisely what is being recommended.  I may start out sending some unsolicited e-mails in response to some "emotion"; but I read her reviews, realize the same experience is being shared by others with similar or identical responses, and get my head back on track.

Last time I saw my girl it was for 7 hours, for no money. She actually paid money out of her own pocket for babysitters, wine, etc. so she could see me. She told me her real name, showed me pictures of her kids, and so on. I may not be George Clooney, but it's not quite make-believe at this point.