Hi guys. First ever post on TER boards. I'm a little intimated and embarrassed so bear with me. My problem is that I'm having an aweful time getting an orgasm. I have no trouble getting aroused, getting hard and staying hard. However, for the last 3 months since I started hobbying, I'm having a very difficult time achieving orgasm. On the rare instance that I do, it takes a long period of hard foreplay for me to come. (Even when I masturbate).  Unfortunately, most of the providers I've seen so far don't have the patience or the interest it seems to get involved in a long foreplay session....esp. when the appointments are only an hour. Any suggestions or advice guys? Would female condoms help? I've tried ED meds but it seems it didn't help with making the orgasms come any faster. BTW, I'm in my early 40's and in good health.

Dear PB9999,

This issue comes up so frequently that I'm almost inclined to put it up right there with "I've-fallen-for-a-provider-and-can't-get-up!"

Delayed orgasm was rarely if ever helped with ED meds - quite the contrary, actually. Female condoms is an EXCELLENT idea. You may also wish to try my No Mas Masturbation plan, which is quite simple in scope and very effective in execution. STOP MASTURBATING for the next 30 days. Yep. No stimulation, no watching porn, no doing anything sexual on your own. In your case, I would suggest COMPLETE sexual abstinence for 30 days, i.e. not even consorting with any living breathing females. Nada. Just go about your life as if you were a chaste, sexless monk.

After 30 days, book an appointment with a provider who is willing to use a female condom. In addition, try to book an appointment for longer than an hour - maybe two, just to kick back and get all unpretentious and laid back at first and then slowly move toward sexual activity.

Will it work? Dunno. It should. Haven't met you, though, haven't processed this in the counseling room, dunno what's behind all of it. Could be performance anxiety if it's during the last 3 months - or was it like this when you were 20 as well?

If you're the nervous type, you'll need familiarity to loosen up. And, since you're in good health, I assume there are no antidepressants or other orgasm-inhibiting meds on the horizon?

Try the No Mas plan and see if it works,
The Love Goddess

I am sure some providers won't mind that. What do the providers do you then during that entire hour?

The additional anxiety that's induced by the hobby can have that effect. If you can't book appointments longer that 1 hour, then you may benefit from some relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises, yoga, or meditation to let the anxiety go prior to the appointment.

Personally, when that problem crops up with me, I try to forget about having an orgasm altogether and just enjoy the moment. Not all sex has to end in orgasm to be fulfilling and I find that, when I do manage to forget about my own orgasm, I frequently solve the problem.

...They really do make a difference so you should bring your own; sealed of course.

Thanks for the advice guys. I didn't have this problem in the 20's and 30's, but after I turned 40, this delayed ejaculation has gotten worse. When I masturbate, it usually takes me about 15-20 minutes to orgasm, but I require fast, hard strokes and visualization of fantasy to make it work. I don't know how I can re-train my body to orgasm on just physical stimuli. Will female condoms really make a difference?  Man, I hope it's that simple!

I think it has more to do with availability.  They used to be carried in many places, now only Walgreens, at least in my region.

Your suggestion to bring his own is a great idea.

Thanks for the advice Love Goddess. Well, I didn't have this problem in my 20's and 30's. I think the problem has been that before I started hobbying about 3 months ago, I used to watch porn on TV a lot and masturbated afterwards and didn't have any problems w/delayed ejaculation. Now, in order for me to reach orgasm, I need to mentally fantasize along with fast, hard strokes of foreplay for about 15-25 minutes. Will female condoms still help in this case? ...or do I need to mentally "re-train" myself somehow? BTW, does ED meds makes things worse regarding delayed ejaculation?

In my experience, I have found that thinner condoms are better sensation (duhh).  I found I prefer thin latex.  Also condoms come in different sizes and are shaped.  Friction is what creates sensation.  To have friction one must have movement.  If the condom to too snug, does not move on the penis, there is no friction on the inside for him.  The condom needs a bit of room and lubrication to move on the inside (while gripping the shaft to stay on).  
Frankly, I suggest checking condom sites on line then go buy a sample to try out.

I take my own to dates.  I recommend sealed 3 packs.  I respect that a lady has the right to refuse to use condoms not supplied by her (lest they be tampered with or out of date)...  but I have never had a lady refuse to use mine.  I place them on the bed side table and then excuse myself to use the bathroom & wash my hands giving her a chance to inspect them if she wants to.  I leave any remainder with her, do not carry them home...
I have been pleasantly surprised at how well a selected condom has worked for me, on a return visits with a Fav lady.  

I would suggest you lay off the masterbation at least a few to several days prior to a date.  When you do (don't we all, sometimes) use plenty of quality lube (I happen to have Astroglide on hand at present).    
But seriously, masterbation is very different from MF intercourse or oral for that matter.  Each act, you are teaching your body what stimulation to respond to...  

There are studies that suggest ED meds can DELAY orgasm...  so don't use them unless you needd them & if you do need them, use the lowest dose that will work.  My prescribing physician told me to cut the V pills and prescribes the largest size.  Warning they taste like crap on the tonge.

Best Wishes,
skb      

Basically, follow LG's advice. I might be able to offer some insight.

Yes, PB9999,

ED meds CAN delay ejaculation - not in general, but then again, everyone is different, and there have been reports of prolonged wood.

You will probably alleviate your condition if you follow my instructions. And yes, you DO need to "retrain" yourself to respond to live females.

All that accessible porn...and we thought it did some good,
The Love Goddess

and any lack of sensation caused by that I would say there is a good chance a female condom would help since the condom is not on you but in her...

That said I am not sure it is going to fix you problem or even come close.
QUOTE:
"On the rare instance that I do, it takes a long period of hard foreplay for me to come. (Even when I masturbate)."

If you need to have rough masturbation with fast, hard strokes just not having a condom on you probably isn't going to fix things.

Do the 30 day sexfast Dr Goddess recommended...the worst that can happen is it doesn't work...but it's already not working so you have nothing to lose.

See a good urologist.  He may find your testerone or what ever may be low and you need a little boost.  I worked for Mark McGuire!

I don't know if this has been posted already or not so I apologize to all who watch for these mistakes.
One big reason for no orgasm or difficult orgasm is in the use of ED meds, like Viagra and Cialis and such. they are over prescribed in their strengths. These meds can give you (and me) a nice hard erection, but the other effect is that they also make it difficult or impossible to just cum. Read the warnings. Ask your doctors. I had the same problem. My doc gave me Viagra 100mg because they were the same price as a Viagra 50. The pharmacist (a woman wouldn't you know it) told me take 1/4 and that should be more than enuf. Same for Cialis, if your given 20's take a half or less. And trust you'll be hard. And reaching "release" is a whole lot easier. LG, do you have anything on this ? In the US.S. here most of us are raised thru the 60s and 70s where if one was good, then 10 is a whole lot better. So we abuse the drug but never tell anyone, then wonder.