Hello guys - long time lurker and hobbyist (15+ y, I post my reviews under a different alias) but never tried my hand at SA . I am married w family that I very much want to maintain and need discretion so that has been the biggest holdback so far
while I am in my 50s I am in reasonably good shape that ppl mistake me for late 30s so figured I’d have a shot rekindling some of that magic of dating that I sorely miss from my 20s (providers just aren’t the same afa this is concerned) - I probably would target early 20s to early 30s type SBs.
My dilemma is this - I have seen one colleague at work fall in love w a super hot co worker and eventually get “me too- ed” nastily when she didn’t like it anymore - poor chap gave up his high six figure income job (quietly fired ) and is going through a divorce as we speak
Ques is this — What is the risk of an SB who, if she senses vulnerability in you after a BCD , can harass you and claim forced intimacy or molestation? Obviously she would have a hard time proving it i assume given her profile on SA but have people come across such behavior in the past ? What red flags did you look for to avoid that?
Thanks and sorry if this is too rare / off topic or already has been asked and addressed
Any girl these days you come across can accuse a guy of anything and go after your livelihood and dough.
The questions to me are:
1. Do they have a leg to stand on ( how credible)
2. Are you worth going after (from their point of view)
3. What are my consequences (and pain tolerance)
For me:
1. This isn’t work (despite it being like hiring hookers for all practical purposes). If we’ve done our jobs right, we’re dating. So there’s no workplace issues. At the extreme let’s say a SB I’ve had a LT relationship with accuses me. Very likely there’s no evidence other than maybe some consensual rough BCD videos and a spotless criminal record. Oh and btw a wife of more than a few years who knows I’m doing this and would back me up (probably lol…given it’d be about protecting her assets too). I would be more concerned if I had a spotty history… but then again, if I were predator I wouldn’t be worried about anything would I (see Jeff Epstein)
2. Why being a Jeff Epstein, Mario Batali, Bill Cosby, etc was bound to catch up with them. I’ve got “enough to feed the needy” but not flamboyantly so. Taking into account number one, I’m prolly not worth going after.
3. Like I said, my wife knows so that eliminates a lot. My job also sorta knows I date a lot of women extramaritally without incidents at work or home… that is, Clean record. But again, let’s say a SB did pursue it, it would cost me a lot to defend it. As I’ve done before to protect the spotless record. I wouldn’t settle because there is nothing there, right?
Thanks
To your points
1. Do they have a leg to stand on ( how credible)
2. Are you worth going after (from their point of view)
3. What are my consequences (and pain tolerance)
Absolutely no on 1 (I am not aggressive type at all)
Very much yes on 2 (decent liquid net worth)
As to 3 - just wife being aware of it would be very consequential and will lead to divorce and separation from family .
On 3 though, I have been pretty good at concealing my hobbyist activities for last 15y so have become an expert at avoiding detection there. Ofc I only use incalls for that and as you guys rightly point out , with providers you are paying them to leave 
One reason sugar dating feels safer to me than regular social dating is due the different expectations. Your co worker's sad story might in part be due to his gf expecting the relationship to last longer and getting vindictive when it fizzled out. In sugar dating, no such expectations exist, even with those who claim they are seeking a long term arrangement. Also, at the very beginning of any new arrangement I make it clear that it will last as long as it lasts, I'm ok with LT or ST, and I will continue to date others, nothing exclusive. These are all good ideas, but as donjohn said, anyone can sue anyone. The only and very best defense is total honesty with your wife and family. I realize that's a scary notion for guys who have been pretending to love monogamy all along, but it's the only way. My wife knows and approves of my sugar dating.
so there's zero incentive for a bad actor to try and blackmail me with a threat of legal action. As for the "me too" risk, I trust my gut and try to avoid the SBs who have evil intent. So far so good.
My numbers aren't high, maybe couple dozen SB's over the last few years. Only one threatened to expose me, but quickly cooled off (she wanted me to keep seeing her.) I was as diplomatic as possible. I think that being diplomatic rather than argumentative can help prevent hurt feelings, etc. Also if you want to break something off, use good excuses like your wife is suspecting you, have to cool it for a while, etc.
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And also read the personality early on. Look for red flag personality traits.
Lester prairie - what are some of those red flags that you look for - you know things sometimes only apparent in hindsight ? Maybe you haven’t had any misfortune like that but was really curious. I didn’t date much (just 1 other gf in college) before I met my current wife - so while I have a lot of experience w providers, I feel I may be lacking in that real world spidey sense of dating (which is what this is really at some level )
Thanks !
Well that's a good question and I am not saying I am any good at catching red flags. I guess I'd look for hints of entitlement and lack of empathy. They're usually pretty good and buttering us up, but can often reveal themselves in how they talk about and act toward others. This would be how they likely view you behind your back.
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Beyond that, how successful they are in life, such as it is at their age. If they are practically homeless or have had a string of "bad luck" they have probably made a lot of bad decisions or have immature or self-destructive tendencies.
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That kind of thing.
A few thoughts to share, some on red flags, some on avoiding drama:
- Everyone should know exactly where their limit is to meet a SB. For me, if there’s even a hint of desperation, more than minimal drama or she’s a “survival” SB, I immediately move on (block, etc). I’ve also found that only interacting with POTs that have more than a basic grasp of the English language has led to a dramatic reduction in dealing with scammers, catfish, etc.
- If you’re in the Bowl, you should be prepared to protect yourself to a reasonable degree. Never host at your house, use a burner app for all comms, no full names, etc. There’s literally no good reason to compromise your privacy. Period. As amazing as one SB appears, there are a dozen more that show up the next week (or day or month depending on where you live).
- No SB is worth having your first interaction BCD. While meeting for coffee (etc) may be a pain, you can learn a lot about them from a 30 min chat. Are they educated, on time, well-groomed, ever had a job that didn’t involve a pole, have social skills, etc? Any question marks? Move on…
- Understate your assets. The Cat had a great thread on this, and it’s spot on. I dropped mine significantly and have had a fantastic response from POTs.
- Insist on no online payments. I was an idiot and agreed to provide an online payments 3-4 times before first meetings and have a 100% scam rate. And I consider myself to be very savvy (even with verified profiles, pics with a requested pose, etc).
- Treat everyone with kindness. It’s free and you never know what someone is going through in their life. I always think about Steve Buscemi’s character in Billy Madison. Think of every SB as a potential Steve Buscemi. Kindness will get you crossed off her list (which is a good thing).
This is phenomenal advice , thanks !
I am going to make it a point to not share my real full name — which will prob necessitate using cash at most places since she can see my name on the credit card. This also means not paying for Uber via my credit card ever. Maybe I keep a bunch of prepaid Visa cards handy w me as well in for places like hotels where cash may not work all the time .
