I've gotten myself into a rather unique situation for a newly-become-hobbyist, and thought I'd ask here how to manage it properly.

While hobbyists are free to chime in, I am mainly looking from the provider standpoint, and thus, turn to the wisdom of those providers here and The Love Goddess for direction in this sordid or rather interesting situation.

Now, this long and interesting tale is told only briefly here, but is of course, more available upon request.

Some months ago, I began the hobby with a nice, highly-reviewed lady in my area, who was a very nice first provider. At the end of my visit, she informed me she was moving back to her home town for a short while, but would be returning. I asked for a referral to another provider, should the opportunity arise.

I was referred to another highly-reviewed provider in my locale, who apparently was assisted by the same person (lady) who aided my first provider with scheduling and advertisement, as well as some transportive duties.

Now, the tale becomes interesting. I was merely a paying client for two appointments, and we did genuinely "hit it off" as it were. I ultimately planned for an overnight with the second young lady, which ultimately came to fruition.

In the interim, however, the lady in question asked some advances of me, and being the gentleman that I was (and knowing that the scheduler would ensure she did, in fact, keep the appointment so paid), I did no refused and transferred most of the fee for the overnight to her.

Aha! You say, this is the crux of the matter! She fled! No, the tale is not that simple. She kept the appointment, and it was very enjoyable. We even did another after this, so much I enjoyed her company.

My original provider even asked me for some funds to fly back to Florida, to begin her life anew, and begin college. I of course, being the caring sort, acquiesced and sent it, never expecting payment, as this phase of her (rather young, I suppose) life was over and she went on to college without contacting me again.

Then began my adventure into an interesting realm, for, you see, the "arranger of dates" passed away suddenly, very suddenly, leaving the current lady a damsel-in-distress, as she was not able to manage the "technical" side of her business, such as placing adverts in various locales, verify clients (as she works only on referenced clients) and so forth.

I discovered the real expenses in managing as an independent are primarily twofold - transportation and advertisement. She had her transport worked out, of a sorts, but without a credit card, I dealt with the advertisement costs, which come to two or three visits' worth per month, actually, to a mid-range provider.

Not to mention that, in the interim between appointments, she did need some monetary support on two occasions, perhaps equating to an hours' appointment or so, and then the numerous phonecalls (my cell minutes jumped from 300 to 1500 the first month assisting her).

I have, in my short time aiding her, come to see the tremendous amount of work in getting her appointments set, verified and executed.

I suppose the exchange was to be expected, we managed three appointments for myself during this time.

The problem comes in now, later in the relationship, wherein she has repeatedly hounded me for an "hours count" for the services rendered (which included creating adverts, managing her website and e-mail traffic and so forth). I provided this, but she did not see that so much time had been spent on this endeavor, and I was not religious at logging time spent on websites, answering e-mails, calling her for appointments, directions, speaking or e-mailing other providers for references, etc.

She can be... vindictive when upset. Thus, as she is my only "reference" in a hobby I hope to enjoy further before I retire... I also feel that asking for fair exchange for time spent (whether money or services) would create a bad situation and has, in fact, been rebuffed on an occasion.

I'm just a nice guy, like to help people out, and I believe I got in over my head waaaay too fast. I've discussed that matter with her of course, but while she placates me with words, I see no exchange coming forth - the last time she paid me in any form was about a month ago.

I suppose I had my awakening when I asked for an appointment, with me paying, and was quoted full rate. I understand this, but handling her e-mail, I know she offered many reduced rates when she was in need of appointments, as she is now due to a slump.

I don't care about past expenses, but I know I can't keep up with the advertisements... and also enjoy the hobby with her or another.

Interesting conundrum. I think half of the problem is I care too much, and don't want to upset her by saying "I quit", but as of late, I've been putting far too much into this (even to the point of some financial difficulties on my side) for a lack of return.

For hobbyists who read this and think "wow! cool! He's living the life!" I can only say this: Know what you're getting into before you think of it as glamorous.

This is an illegal activity in most areas, and it does have stresses associated with it which (even with or without a significant other to complicate matters) are certainly NOT enjoyable.

I will certainly GLADLY pay tips to a provider now, knowing what they go through. And be much more understanding if they have troubles making an appointment.

LostMyMind!

Egads! What IS THIS???? Unless you are her submissive Slave and she is your Dom in a Dominance-Submission relationship, all these machinations will do you absolutely no good and may even harm you psychologically!

Let me tell you, my dear man, I know LOADS of providers. I mean it, LOADS. And they do just fine without some assistant who "books their appointments" or does any services for them. Some of these fine ladies even have husbands and kids! And they manage everything without EVER getting a client involved in their lives. This woman is not only a user, but also, quite frankly a lost cause in the organizational department [excuse me, what provider "can't manage her own appointments," puhleeze]; although she's not too stupid to avail herself of every doormat out there who lets her walk all over him.

This whole posting should stand as a caveat to unsuspecting hobbyists as to what happens when the big head falls off somewhere along the line, and the little head completely takes over. Please. Stop the insanity immediately.

Go back to your "real life," or whatever is left of it. Do you have a job? Hobbies? Friends? If not, you'll need to get some, particularly to distract you from getting far too emotionally involved with a woman you pay money to suck your penis, lets it enter her vagina and who tells you what you want to hear.

And you want to "GLADLY pay tips to a provider now, knowing what they go through?" WHAT DO THEY GO THROUGH? Making appointments? Screening? Collecting a fee for services? Last I heard, that was actually part of the job!

Please, I really beg you from the bottom of my heart:let these providers find their own assistants...unless, of course, you are unskilled, unemployed and can't find a job in your field. In that case, mea culpa. I guess you'll be doomed to be someone's whipping boy forever. Just make sure you don't pay for it, and please don't sleep with your boss. Those situations usually end up with the employee getting fired.

Sorry, but I can't think of anything else to say, since I am quite steamed. It's not your fault per se, but I do get quite indignant when I find that hobbyists park their minds elsewhere. My God, maybe there's a whole subclass of "abused hobbyists" out there???? And they talk about oppressed women! Jeez! Please fellows, help this man - PM him, call him, take him out for coffee, and if all else fails, stage an INTERVENTION!!!

Of all posts on The Erotic Highway this year, I think this one takes the cake,
the Love Goddess

In light of such a rebuttal, I'm sure most would simply slink off, but I am a glutton for punishment (as is obvious from my current denouement). Thus, my alias is changed as you suggest.

I'll get just *slightly* defensive here. I've been in contact with approximately 14 of the providers in the area, and of those, most in this price range use an "assistant" to manage their affairs - mainly women, however. And certainly for no such "arrangements".

The only point I take slight offense to is the "thinking with the little head". My life, up to this point, has been fairly "average Joe", and I do enjoy getting into new things, exciting situations, and so forth from time to time. Consider it "the game of life", and I do enjoy playing it. This was simply something outside of my previous repertoire, and I did it for the knowledge of the other side of the picture.

I am neither unemployed, nor am I lacking in skills. In fact, many of the tasks I am doing are not too dissimilar to the real estate business, when things are boiled down to brass tacks.

I DO however freely admit I am a sucker for a "damsel in distress". Although I've been through some interesting times due to this quirk, I've usually had an interesting story to tell (or not) thereafter. And this, in my eyes, is the fun part of going through life.

At the very least, this situation serves as a point of interest just for this thread alone, and is an interesting read for others.

As far as the "part of the job" aspect, quite right, and I was ruminating, not particularly meaning it, I suppose.

In closing, I wholeheartedly agree, and appreciate the "reality check" as it were. And yes, this will have the outcome as predicted ("fired" or paying for it). Thus, I will let her know soonest that this arrangement is probably not in either of our best interests, and terminate any such arrangements, with nothing owing on either side. A clean break, as it were.

I will say this: it was an interesting experience. I collect stories, and this will be an interesting one to recount (and certainly not to be repeated).

At the very least, I hope it serves as some entertainment for others. But while I think your rebuttal was a bit harsh, the basic message is quite correct and I will follow your very sound advice.

-- Modified on 11/14/2008 4:56:49 PM

My heart is totally with you, LostMyMind ,

And while my message may have been harsh, please see it as "Tough Love." I really, really care about hobbyists and I don't want them to endure any abuse - the same as I cherish providers and want the best for them too!

But the fact is that "thinking with the little head" is meant to be a metaphor for becoming infatuated to the point of losing all sensible decision-making skills when it comes to women in general and providers in particular. These women's business practices - whether they use assistants or not - should be of no concern to you whatsoever. You are there to get laid and have a great time, pure and simple. The last thing for you to do is to get involved with the mechanics of the business, and on top of it, become anyone's servant AND paying for it.

So, in closing, I am truly sorry if the sting of my riposte was painful...but sometimes a jolt of harsh reality is needed. I really hope you bow out of this situation as soon as possible, since you have been tampering with felonious activities. Yes, it's a good one for the storybooks, but only if it remains a delicious fantasy, untouched by the gruesome realities of LE and public humiliation.

I'm with you, believe me,
the Love Goddess

Again, I reiterate the sentiment of being thankful. My warning bells probably took a back seat, as you said, due to infatuation and perhaps just a wish to live differently.

I came to the conclusion listed, and will simply divorce myself of the situation. If she's upset by this, then so be it. She needs to live her life, and I mine, that much is certain.

Unless you can learn to determine the difference between a user and a true friend you are going to get screwed over in this hobby...and not in a good way.  I have become quite close with a couple of providers over the last few years and that closeness has it's own special rewards. The bottom line in both cases though is that there is always an envelope on the table and, no matter what happens off the clock, the "appointment" is always on the clock. It would be nice if the provider could see it the same way if and when you wind up offering your professional services to her but most of the time they won't.  

The same holds true for loaning money.  Don't expect to see it repaid and DON'T expect to see it taken off your bill.  Women who are truly good at providing will seldom put themselves in a position that forces them to borrow money from a client.  The ones that do borrow generally don't have the business acumen to get ahead and pay it back.  They are living day to day and the money you gave them simply got them through one crisis and was gone. The good thing about the sex industry is that a woman can make a lot of money in a day if she wants to.  The bad thing about the sex industry is that a lot of women think that it can  happen any time that they need the cash. It doesn't always work that way.  

There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy, it's worked well for me for years. You do however have to learn how to see a train wreck coming and get out of the way.  Good luck to you.

I came to the same determination. My only gullibility is toward beautiful women, and I've now come up with some rules.

While she is an excellent provider with many good reviews, I believe her personal life (once I got involved with it) had me questioning motives about 3 weeks ago.

Trust me, I've firmly decided to remain nothing but a client after this. At best, a friend they can talk to. However, I've firmly decided that the bank is closed, save for appointments, and am certainly "moving on" as it were.

Just to put an end to the "poor guy" aspect - I, to some degree, knew what I was getting into. LG set me straight and reduced my questions on the matter with her points, for sure.

The medicine is always bitter, and can make one wretch. You always feel better after taking it, however.

I always thought that was the point. It sounds like you paid for a real girlfriend (one with issues) instead of an escort. Enjoy her company, get to know her, but as a number 1 rule...do not ever get involved personally.

You've completely lost your objectivity on the subject and your lengthy attempt to rationalize it just proves the point.  

You're a newbie, so learn from this experience and move on.  In the mean time--  back away from the pussy before someone gets hurt!

Of all the posts I have read from you, this is the most direct and harsh (in a good way) I've seen!

Where is the loving hand to pull this wretched hobbyist away from the vindictive soul that is using him?  The tone of your post definitely shows the ire and emotion that his situation has erupted in you, and understandably so.  For you to be in that state of mind sends a message of how wrong this situation is.

LostMyMind, LG is the epitome of a soft, loving voice, whispering in your ear, telling you how things are, and offering a wise view of your world.  For her to reply in this manner, I would say...END IT IMMEDIATELY!!!  

This will *never* end nicely, and it must be *you* to initiate it.  Whether or not you upset her in the process is not your concern..your own well-being is at stake!

well...that was crazy~~~I don't think theres anything else to add on my part. I can't help sit here and wonder "what's wrong with him"  like they said...turn around and don't walk but run away from this situation...Fast!

-- Modified on 11/14/2008 4:57:45 PM