Hi, I'm a 34 year old guy who is in a marriage and I saw a provider about 8 or 9 months ago.  She's from China and she briefly worked for one of those Asian massage parlors which offer more than just a rub and tug.

After I saw her that day she asked for my help with her computer.  I'm not sure why I helped her, but I did and we ended up getting involved.  She called me a couple months later and asked me to help her with a new computer she had bought.  For some reason, I decided to meet her and help her with the computer.

We started a friendly relationship where she would occasionally call me and ask for some help with her studying.  We would usually watch movies and go out for dinner.  Then our relationship progressed to a romantic one.

She knows I'm in a marriage and she says she's not looking for marriage...she just wants to have fun together.  Although recently she has been getting more jealous of my relationship with my wife.  I'm thinking of ending the relationship with my wife, but I'm afraid to get more involved with this girl because I know I don't really know her that well.

When I met her at the agency she worked, she was not very intimate at all.  It was not really a very good session actually.  She didn't kiss and I could tell that escorting was not something she really wanted to be doing.  But when our relationship started, she was completely different towards me.  She treats me as her boyfriend.  We are very intimate, kissing a lot and normally spending the entire night together.

We usually spend 1 or 2 days a week together.  She invites me to stay at her place.  I believe she has quit working as a provider and I also believe that she is sincere.  She sometimes asks for financial assistance, but not very often.  In fact, she often takes me out to a restaurant or a movie.  She usually asks me to stay with her longer than I intend to (I'll spend one night with her and she'll talk me into staying with her for a second night) so I feel that she really wants the companionship and wants to spend time together.  I would say we've spent every weekend together for the past 2 months now.

She asked me to go away with her on a trip over the Thanksgiving holiday and I told her I would go.  I know this will likely cause more problems for my marriage, but I'm starting to feel an emotional connection to this girl and I look forward to her company.  She even invited me to go to China with her around the New Year to meet her mom and introduce me as her boyfriend (Her mom has been trying to convince her to move home to China and she feels the only way to get her mom's approval to stay is to introduce her "boyfriend".  I think she got this idea after we saw The Proposal movie.

I believe she wants something more serious, although trust is definitely an issue for both of us.  I don't know if she has other boyfriends like me or if she still works as a provider.  She said on more than one occasion that she wishes we didn't meet the way we met...

Is there any way to trust each other and build a relationship under these circumstances?  Do you think she is really genuine in her feelings?

The incidents of falling for a provider seem to have increased so much that I'm beginning to worry if the entire world of hobbying is under some sort of emotional siege; NOT prompted by providers, might I add, but by hobbyists who surely must be missing a vital ingredient in their otherwise married or partnered lives. Is it authenticity, I wonder...

But I digress - sorry, that's the effects of being exposed to so much PHRTD (Provider-Hobbyist Relational Traumatic Disorder.)

Please, tmag629 - I really, really beg you: Unless you are planning to get a divorce, STOP THE INSANITY with this girl right now. You have answered the vital questions in your own posting. The girl is NOT looking for marriage. She KNOWS her requests will "cause more problems" for your marriage, but nevertheless she is pressing on, family, trips to China, potential mother-in-law and all. Whatever serious relationship she wants, this is NOT the way to go about it. Your entire story is so full of emotional pathology that I'm about to call the hobbyist psychiatric rescue team and have you committed to house arrest for the next 3 years, mostly for your own good.

She takes you out to dinner and/or movie? Gee, where do you think she gets the funds for that? By working 9-5 at Walmart? Please. I beg you. Understand that you have now become her boytoy, but she's far too confused (or calculating, take your pick) to realize the potential emotional harm she could cause you, and indirectly your wife.

If you have ANY guts left inside you, then either be a man and BREAK THIS OFF; or GET A DIVORCE and live authentically, albeit sometimes painfully.

If you want to live a life of self-delusion that will end in tragedy, then yes, stay away all night, go to China, pretend you're her boyfriend (so that her mother won't get the insane idea that her daughter is a prostitute) and let yourself be swayed in whatever direction this lovely? woman wants.

And then watch the carnage. There, I'm crawling back into my PHRTD module and sitting there until I begin to communicate with the nearest Muslim cleric to get me out of my belief that seeing providers should be a fun thing with no emotional repercussions whatsoever.

I have spoken,
The Love Goddess

tmag,
I know this girl is pretty...  but you need to step back.
I agree she's likely still providing...  if she has money.  If she isn't now then why was she doing it at all?  A pass-time?
I have to question her motives.  I think she's fishing for a green card & you are her ticket to it.  She may have feelings for you, but she has an aweful lot to gain from the relationship.
By the way, are you NUTS?  You are still married!  She wants you to become her BF...  while you are still married to someone else.  You think this will cause more problems in your marriage?  I guess so!  If you want OUT of your marriage, then get OUT, then as a free & unencumbered person you are free to chase this provider to China & back.  

You really need to step back & look at this from the outside...  
skb

to wit,

you are "married" but spending weekends away from home and also now Thanksgiving?!?!?!

skb,
I at first wondered about the green card thing, but that is definitely not her motive in this case.  She already has a green card.  She told me she paid 50K to marry a guy in California for a green card and has since divorced him.  He actually wanted a real relationship with her after the process started and caused lots of problems for her.

As a result of this and other financial difficulties, she turned to providing.  But I think her mom has a lot of money from what she told me.  Her mom owns a business in China.

Yes, I know I need to step back and probably stay away from her.  But I also have the feeling that she just wants companionship because she does not have many friends in NYC.  She once mentioned that she has two close friends.  One close girlfriend and myself.

In reality, I know I'm just having a good time with her and risking a lot of problems.  But it's not so easy to stop seeing her.

your use of the phrase "for some reason" you helped her, or "I'm not sure why" [I] helped her is rather odd - you know why

My opinion is you are getting played, Bro.

It may be too late to start being careful, in fact I'm sure it is.

Good luck.

Thank you LG,
I think you have much good advice.  I know I should not continue in this situation any longer, but everytime she asks me to get together I have a difficult time turning her down because I genuinely enjoy her company.

However, I much prefer to work things out with my wife if there is any way to do that at this point.

then stop hobbying and associating with your Chinese lady friend immediately.  Then, either work on your marriage or end it. As long as you're all mixed up about this extramarital relationship, you won't be able to determine what you really want to do about your own marriage. Surely your wife deserves some sane thinking about the state of your marriage!

You don't even know if she's still providing???? Fuck, man. And you're asking if she's sincere and if you can trust her? You are about as far from thinking straight as you can get.

Good luck!

If you let me know what city and state you live in, perhaps I can make a recommendation!

Very good,
The Love Goddess

The naivete of men never ceases to amaze me.  And I say that as someone who has chased his share of pretty faces to his own detriment.

Read LG's response again carefully- maybe even pretend that a friend of yours wrote the original post, not you, and then think about the advice being given this friend and whether he should follow it or not.

I guarantee you that despite this girl's sweet demeanor, she is working so far out ahead of you in her manipulations that you couldn't figure it out if she gave you a road map.   Con artists would call you an easy mark, I'll just call you pussy fodder, since you're obviously not thinking with your brain.

Her objective of taking you to China may be to show he mother that she's not a prostitute and prove that she has a boyfriend.  But it's equally likely that she's taking you over there because she wants her mother to come to America and she's showing her the guy whose house she will soon be living in.  This chick doesn't want to go back to China, she wants her mother to come to America and you're her boarding pass.  Oh, but I'm sure she's really sincere in her feelings for you except for that little detail.  Yeah, right.  

If you don't think so, it already happened to a friend of mine.  He's a nice guy, but a nerd type engineer and he had no dating experience.  His Chinese GF was the first woman that slept with him, and it wasn't because of his charm or good looks.  But we all know the power of pussy.  He got played and filleted and now his little China girl runs his life and he's just a checkbook going along for the ride.  But I'm sure she loves him oh so much, and she just can't live without him.  Yeah, right.

If you're ready to rejoin reality, you might want to scroll down a few threads and read my post about the Korean girl (escort) that stalked me.  She wanted to get out of her situation too, and it didn't really matter which guy she latched on to to achieve her objective. Also, read LG's response just above that about the evolutionary relationship strategies of females.  It might give you some insight.

It sounds like you've got no interest in saving your marriage since your actions almost guarantee your divorce.  So my only advice to you is to figure out where you'll be living after your wife's attorney is done with you.  I suggest you look for a small apartment near your city's China town since your new mother-in-law roommate will need to be able to walk to the stores.  That is, unless you want to spend your life driving her all over LA like my friend now does.

Decisions and actions have consequences.  Make sure you're fully prepared to live with yours.

I will have to readily admit that I, too, have let my emotions get the best of me in the past... but after reading G2's very well-stated posts, reality has been thoroughly checked! LOL!  Thanks for the sanity, bro!