Re: Does kissing tell you how much a girl really cares or loves you?

Deep sigh, lovehelp,

You want my advice? Stick to providers and forget about "real" girlfriends. Because when you start comparing one kisser with another in this way, the relationship is more or less doomed. My question is, do you want HER to be in love with YOU, or the other way around? I wonder how YOU kiss? Or is it all up to her?

If your post wasn't so...well...jejune, I'd say the enquiry is somewhat narcissistic.  You've been "seeing providers for years" and you are used to paying for women catering to your whims. In real life, being truly in love is a give-and-take that doesn't involve pay-for-play. And as such, what you lose in technique you gain in emotion.

I'll be honest - I find this post shallow,
The Love Goddess

My thoughts are almost the exact opposite of the Love Goddess': forget the providers and stick to real life!

Providers in general provide a FANTASY. Fantasy, fantasy, fantasy. Like watching TV. IT ISN'T REAL.

And, frankly, fantasy should never take the place of real life. And it darned sure shouldn't be used as a basis for comparison. The fact you are trying to compare the two says that you are having difficulty delineating the boundaries between fantasy and reality. In that case, the fantasy needs to take a hike in the interests of your long-term wellbeing.

The average hourly pay for a neurosurgeon is $247/hr. I often pay well more than twice that for a  provider. Hey, when you are paying a lady more than you'd pay a neurosurgeon ... OF COURSE she'll kiss the crap right out of you. And she'll screw your brains out too. She'll give you an unbelievable BJ. She'll even create an artificial environment sans distractions and the whole nine yards! She'll give you an idealized FANTASY experience that'll knock your socks off. And she should. After all, she's being well-paid.

I have dated a lot of women in civie life. Women of every imaginable sort. Nannies, college professors, models, banking executives, secretaries, teachers, scientists, etc.

And you know what they all had in common? Other than horrible taste in the men they dated (lol), practically nothing outside of plumbing. Every woman expressed her emotions differently.

Some expressed positive emotional content by doing nice things for me; others by sharing time in mutual non-sexual activities; and others through lots and lots of sex. In general -- and this is anecdotal -- the women who were MOST sexually hot-to-trot the quickest had the LEAST emotionally invested. For example, the lady who decided to give me a super-duper BJ on the first date barely knew my freakin' name; and another who was averse to oral sex generally is STILL on great (albeit non-sexual) terms with me today because of mutual appreciation.

I realize that some underconfident guys turn to the hobby to gain confidence and stuff. And I guess that's okay. Different strokes and all that. I haven't seen any studies showing that paying money for sex improved men's confidence, though. So the jury is out on that.

But personally, I believe the hobby should be contextualized as an adjunct to real life; and not as a substitute for real life or as a source of unhealthy comparisons.

Real women do not typically dress in lingerie while eagerly awaiting the opportunity to kiss you to death the second you walk in the door.

Really.

In my opinion, you need to deal with your self-esteem/self-worth issues; abandon fantasy-land sex and pay close attention to REAL women in the REAL world.

Because real-life relationships are important.

And guess what? Sometimes real-life women reject you. Sometimes they cheat on you. Sometimes they lie, lead you on, and all kinds of stuff. JUST LIKE MEN. And when these things happen -- it can hurt a lot.

These are indispensible experiences of growing up, becoming mature, and learning about yourself and your emotional limits.

In my humble opinion, using p4p sex to protect yourself from these experiences stands in the way of your emotional maturity.

After all, a woman you hand an envelope isn't going to reject you, dress you down when you first get home because you were a heel, or break your heart.

Time to get into the real world and suffer some bumps and bruises while learning a thing or two.

They can be self-conscious about their teeth, and/or oral hygiene. Or, they can have fears of being contaminated, which can be amplified if your oral hygiene is below par. Kissing well takes an ability to read the other person well, and not to be too aggressive. I talked to a woman, recently, who complained that the guy she kissed, for the first time, had his tongue down her throat. She never went out with him again. Any feelings she could have developed for him flew out the window.

I've never had any trouble understanding, from a woman's kiss, that she wanted to jump my bones. Sometimes it led to feelings deeper than just participating in causal sex, sometimes not.

Sounds like you need to have a discussion with her about what her experience is of kissing you.

OK, kissing is important.  You can NOT & must NOT compare paid services.  Providers will French & all sorts of things that many civie women may not be on a civie menu.  I won't get into phobias & motivations which are numerous.

If she was recently in a relationship, she may require more time to trust her heart again & open up to physical intamacy. She may have "feelings"...  that may not be enough just yet.

IMHO, a love relationship will include mouth kisses...  perhaps a lot of lip carressing.  Open mouth/tongue is highly variable...  some may like it...  others may refuse it...  still others might puke all over you!  I dare say this is teachable to the highly motivated...  but a civie companion may not want to.

If this is worth doing, it is worth doing right.  It takes more than kisses to know if tis is right.

Best Wishes,
skb

not sure if this is playing any role in your uncertainty

good luck!