I have turned away many potential clients who couldn’t or wouldn’t satisfactorily meet my screening requirements, but I have never had to turn away a client that I have previously seen due to bad behavior. But that is exactly what I did to this guy, quite a while ago, but he just doesn't go away!!

This is becoming very frustrating. I remember clearly telling this sociopath to fuck off and keep his needy, psychotic ass away from me over 7 months ago. That admittedly less-than-tactful approach was used after subsequent attempts at a more civilized and eloquently stated ‘parting-of-ways’ failed to register with him. How else can I say it? How can I make it any more clear that I want nothing to do with someone? For anyone with even a vague comprehension of the English language, should the above statement not be enough? How does one become so delusional that they can read, “Stay away from me” but still register “I want you I just don’t know it” from the text? I suppose if said person is a complete Loony Tune then conventional logic goes out the window. Oh yes, this man has lost it.

Since I had grown tired of finding his long-winded, incoherent, rants in my inbox, I have long since relegated any subsequent e-mails from him automatically to the spam folder where I can delete them without so much as a glance. That gave me the false sense that he had actually gone away. But that would just be too good to be true. Just yesterday, after enjoying a long period of no contact, I get an e-mail from another provider, on HIS behalf, summarily offering his apologies and lobbying me to open the lines of communication again - might I add she hasn’t seen him since before I even got in this business and rarely talks to him herself so why she agreed to do this I don’t know- it’s beside the point though. Him using another girl to attempt to get to me reeks of desperation so badly that I find it scary.

I fumed about this to a friend of mine, who then drew my attention to a thread on this very board which I had previously been unaware of, since I spend almost no time on here and don’t check outside of my local board. In this thread I found that he has been ranting to HIMSELF about me for the past 5 months! He talks to himself on a public forum and pretends that someone is answering him? That is just flat out CREEPY.  

It’s not completely clear to me whether he has been doing this because:
A. It’s his way of continuing his never-ending pity party    
B. He wants people to think he is really talking to someone other than himself in hopes of gaining some credibility after making a fool of himself in previous threads
C. Someone is secretly pretending to be me just to toy with him for their own amusement (but then why is he responding to them on a public thread?)
D. He thinks that he is somehow discrediting me
E. He thinks this will get me to communicate with him directly
F. He is even crazier than I thought

Either way, it is disturbing. The reasons I have long since cut him off are many. His frightening lack of emotional stability, inability to understand and/or respect boundaries, and detachment from reality played no small part in that decision. I think the fact that he is still at it after all this time is a justifiable cause for concern on my part.

How does one get such an unreasonable person to stop pursuing? If I were to assume he is just an asshole playing a childish game, I could easily ignore him the way I have been for so long, but… If I assume he really is as crazy as he seems, then what? You can’t reason with someone who’s lost their sanity.  

with some of my provider friends.  My take - and I'll defer to LG's professional expertise - is that this type of stalking lives and breathes on attention.  His every move, including the posts on the other boards and messages through other providers, is designed to provoke you.  The frustration that you express in this post here is exactly what he is looking for.  

The only solution that I know of is to completely, totally ignore him.  Yes, it may be difficult, and yes, you may have to vent to someone - but if you vent, make sure it won't be in any venue that he will visit or be aware of.  

It's unfortunate that there are folks out there who suffer from whatever it is that he has.  What is really regretable is that he (and others like him) think that providers are more appropriate targets for this type of behavior than others.

Shawna, the best thing to do is to talk with a criminal/tort lawyer.  You need to check on the consequences of getting an order of protection, given your occupation and locality.  You may, if feasible, think about a bodyguard or something like it.

This guy is nuts and you must presume that he's dangerous.  You don't indicate whether he's been this way with other providers or civvies, but he sounds like the kind of guy who ends up physically hurting people.

I don't know what kind of support group you have, i.e., circle of friends & family, but knowing he's out there, you might want to let some people know about him and regularly check in on you.  Just because they care.

I hate to scare you like this but with the combination of your line of work and his obsession, you simply have to be careful.

so I would term this a serious problem, especially as his activities seem to be escalating.

At this point I would do the following:

1.  Be sure you post his name and information on DNS boards to that other providers do not fall prey to him.

2.  See your attorney  (You do have one, don't you?) and show him the emails that he has been sending to see if they could be the basis for a restraining order.  I am hoping that such an order might finally shock his mind into accepting the fact that you do not want to see him.

3.  If all this fails, consider going totally underground with new identity, phone, email and maybe even address.  You don't say whether he knows your civie name and details.  I hope he does not.

I know this sounds drastic and it is; but the daily papers are full of very sad stories of people who resort to doing horrible things and I would very much hate to see you become such a story.

Best of luck and let us know how it works out.

Dear SEXYSHAWNAXXX,

While I as a licensed psychotherapist with specialized training in assessing psychopathology can appreciate and empathize with your feelings impinged and impeded upon, I must also let you know that there is little you can do, specifically, to "get such an unreasonable person to stop pursuing," short of obtaining a Temporary Restraining Order. If you "find it scary," this is your option. Depending on your city/state, the TRO will be valid for a specific amount of days..then you'll have to go to court to extend it. This also involves him addressing the court on his behalf, as every person has a right to address court actions against him/her.

If you don't want to go the court route, your best bet is to ignore all his entreaties regardless of where they come from. One thing you can do for yourself is completely stopping to ask yourself questions such as you have in this posting. Dwelling on this person will not be productive for you at all. Please accept that there are deranged and disturbed people out there and that anyone who ends up interacting with the public - and that means anything from being a real estate agent, nurse, physician, therapist, escort, porn star, etc. - will at some point happen upon someone like this individual. Dwelling, analyzing and asking have a point in diagnosing a person, but once that's done, please write him off and out of your consciousness.

As stated before: if you feel he presents a danger and a nuisance to you, seek legal redress. If not, then just ignore any signs of life from him. It's the only way you'll keep YOUR sanity.

Good luck,
the Love Goddess

If in fact it is I, whom Shawna is pointing the finger at.
Then she can count on it, that she will Never
hear from me again! LOL. I just asked that we bury the axe.

She can ignore me and I ignore her.
As far as the hobby, I checked out a Quite awhile
ago, but ya go ahead the DNS me on the lists.
Its OK with me.
L.G. Thank you for warning me many months ago,
about these kinds of women, your warning that I should be cautious proved to be true.




-- Modified on 2/4/2008 2:31:09 PM

It's time to wipe your hands clean (& shampoo) from this needy feck...get a restraining order, hav read all his needy-paranoid rants in the past, needs (maybe that's why he's so needy)  to be locked up.

PS, I'm no WK, for sure. This dude is fecked up! Do this ASAP!!! Charlie Brown is really needy when he grows up.....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyttQQw8MN0

-- Modified on 2/4/2008 6:33:20 PM

then you should think long and hard about a TRO, because you will have to at least use you real name and give an address for him to be ordered to stay away from.  If he already knows somehow, then, judging from his posts that I just looked at, you should be at the courthouse today.

If he doesn't know, you will have to ignore him as much as possible.  If you feed the monkeys, they will never leave you alone.

Good luck.

For those who haven't seen the thread, he has a seven month running conversation with himself that is creepy at best and psychotic at worst.

You need some help.  As recently as 1/24/08, you were conducting a conversation with yourself on the same thread from August.  Talking with yourself is OK, but arguing with yourself and losing is a bit much. I don't usually use an alias to post anything but jokes, but you are creeping even me out.

-- Modified on 2/5/2008 11:56:00 AM

If Trooper IS your guy, and, by all appearances this would seem to be the case, (judging by his post on this thread as well as an obvious similarity in writing style) you need to take immediate steps to insulate yourself from this man. And simply ignoring him may not be enough (as evidenced by over 6 months of fixation here).

His post on this thread was decidedly creepy. But having read through troopers delusional ranting with himself on the linked thread, it is clear he has serious issues that go beyond someone playing a childish game.

This is very disturbing behavior.

I'm sorry I can't give you concrete advice on how to go about this as I'm neither a medical professional or an attorney, but I think some sound advice has already been offered. Get some professional advice on this! Letting this kind of situation escalate (any more than it already has) is very risky.

And, if you have not done so, since you surely have some idea who he is in the 'real world', please share that with other providers so they can steer clear.

be safe and good luck!

Trooper2,

It doesn't take a Brain Surgeon to figure out that you are the Hobbyist in question.  You are the NUMBER ONE poster on TER for the past 6 months with 87 posts in the last 30 days alone!  Having read the numerous threads and postings in these threads, the vast majority of them are you posting by yourself, to yourself, in some imaginary conversation you think you are having with Shawna. We know this because you mention Shawna by NAME in various postings throughout the threads – not very nice.  It couldn't be any clearer - IT'S YOU and we all know it! Apparently, Shawna was too timid or scared or just plain kind to name you directly.  That is to Shawna’s credit.

Whether there was a relationship between you two is completely irrelevant.  No matter what "gifts were exchanged" or "promises made", if any, is equally irrelevant.  The fact is that Shawna no longer seeks a relationship with you of any kind.  You should cease and desist pursuit of Shawna immediately.  Shawna gets to decide who she wants to see, not you.  You've had months of rants on this board to try to convince Shawna otherwise and what you are now doing is just scaring the sh#@ out of her. Is that any way for a man to treat a woman? Is that the type of man you are? Harassing a woman and demonstrating no honor? I have read your posts and they have scared the heck out of me!  I dare say that they would scare any reasonable person.  NOONE DESERVES THIS! I don’t care what you think Shawna did to you.

Perhaps you think providers are less then human and are mere objects to be purchased and possessed for a price.  I think that most hobbyists would agree that they are generally hard working individuals who provide a valuable service for all of us who need the release and outlet of the FANTASY that they provide.  But make no mistake about it; it is a FANTASY, not reality.  A concept you apparently have a hard time distinguishing between.  Hobbyists know that Providers are not their girlfriend and that they never will be. You are paying them to do a job, not buying their love. The fact that you have fallen for Shawna proves that she is good at her job, not that she is your girlfriend. Shawna gets to decide who she dates outside the hobby, not you.  These are the rules we all live with.  Do the rules not apply to you?

Providers have families, husbands, children and a whole personal life outside of their job which we never know about.  That is appropriate as it would diminish the FANTASY that they are the perfect woman and we are paying a premium not to be involved or have to care about their personal issues.  There are boundaries and those are the rules we all accept “up front” before we start the hobby.  Is it even remotely possible that you do not know this?  Falling in love with a provider and especially obsessing over one is a sure indicator that you should move on to the next one.  You are setting yourself up for disappointment which is part and parcel of the matter at hand.  There are a lot of fish in the sea.  Out of 2 billion women in the world, I am sure that you can find another one that meets your standards.  Your behavior is not necessary, appreciated or doing any of us in the hobby any good.  You’ll just scare the good providers like Shawna out of the business and fu&^ it all up for yourself and the rest of us.

Trooper2, remember that time heals all wounds and it is now time for you to allow yourself to heal.  Maybe you need to seek out professional help and I encourage you to do so.  No matter what, it is clear that it is time for you to man up, get a grip on yourself and leave Shawna alone!  You can still retain your dignity and honor if you do so NOW!  The message to you could not be clearer - lick you wounds and move on.  We all will be better off for it.  

a Board Mod can look into banning a person for this type of behavior.  Looking at the thread that ran for seven months, it should be obvious that this guy has crossed a line.  It says something that everyone who has responded to him since he was identified has used an alias because he is so creepy.

If Shawna's screening was sufficient to keep this guy from knowing who she is, then TER and boards like it present the only outlet for him to do this.  If he is banned, it seems that it would be a good step to stop this stalking.

As you pointed out, if he knows who she is and she needs protection, then she should seek immediate legal help.  However, if he is using TER as the medium to stalk her, then isn't up to TER to try to stop it so that Shawna is not in the position of having to just ignore him?

Trooper is #1 by FAR in top 10 poster in 30 days, but he only has about 4 or 5 as 'trooper' if you check back pages for 30 days....so he's been posting all the time under an alias(s) the last 30 days.....what weird feck....ter should band, don't need creepy-stalker  dudes around.....

-- Modified on 2/5/2008 3:45:27 PM

Dear Dont_Feed-The_Monkeys,

If the provider in question feels harassed concerning the thread that ran seven months - not on THIS board, mind you - she can always send a PM to the moderator on the respective board, and/or an email to [email protected] or to [email protected] and explain the situation. It is then up to the moderator to delete the thread. Beyond that, TER is not responsible for any other types of protective activities. As to banning him, that's up to the moderator.

So far, the Erotic Highway is very tightly controlled and monitored and we rarely, if ever, have problems with postings here. But legally, TER's responsibility is very minute vis-á-vis particular individuals coming to this board. TER's posting rules are clearly spelled out. Beyond that, TER does not get into disagreements between private individuals. TER has no control over what goes on beyond these boards.

The various moderators can always be contacted,
the Love Goddess

BTW, I was not implying any legal liability, I was just saying that TER could possibly help her out by getting rid of the jerk.  Also, I realize the solution more likely lies with the Regional Mod, I just thought maybe you were a quick resource for the rules since this thread is here and you are a board mod.  I didn't envision you stepping in.  

I also think that this goes way beyond a personal dispute as covered by the rules based on the crazy aspects of his thread.

I hope Shawna brings it to TER's attention, and would suggest that she include links to all of his posts regarding his unhealthy fascination with her.

I didn't even know he was still ranting on the thread on the MN board. I was referring to this one on this board. So not only is he talking to himself, he's echoing himself on various boards.  

-- Modified on 2/5/2008 10:24:05 PM

My advice to you is to stop reading AND posting about this issue right now. You will only drive yourself into a higher anxiety state and it will eventually affect your business and well-being, EVEN WITHOUT THIS MAN COMING NEAR YOU.

If you really wish to wipe this person out of your life - as many lucid, rational posters on this board have suggested - then you should completely ignore the man, this thread and yes, this board for a while. As a clinician, I don't believe it's advisable for you to dedicate any more time to this thread. Please remember that this is only a board on a web site - an infinitesimally small forum in comparison with the rest of what's going on in this world. Please try to busy yourself with other things. Yes, I understand that it may feel a little compulsive to get on line to see what's going on in the TER world, but clearly, it is of no benefit for you to focus on this matter right now.

It is clear that the poster in question has boundary issues. The fact that he has gone back to a thread which was started in September, added to it and posted "response" to no questions asked [except perhaps in his own mind, unless you two have had some dealings to which we are not privy] reveals a need to call attention to himself, a need for validation and some deeper, underlying problems which we are unable to solve in this forum. If he is harassing you physically or via email or telephone, then you do have the option to file a restraining order.

And, as always you have the option to post under an alias, although not in a thread where you already began posting under your provider name. As of now, I urge you to stop communicating further in this thread, for your OWN SANITY and peace of mind. As you see, I have now posted a warning to Trooper2. May he heed it.

Thank you,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 2/5/2008 11:03:53 PM

And no he does not know much about me, aside from my middle name which he thinks is my first name. He also does not know where I live, I am not one of those girls who uses her home for incall (as the saying goes, don't shit where you sleep). I have no designated incall location, and I often switch up the various hotels I use so there is no specific location for him to pin me too, I will certainly never use any hotel that he's seen me at ever again.

I have already long ago blacklisted him in every provider frequented cyber-venue known to me, but I think such lists are often ignored. He had references before me, and to my knowledge he still has at least one provider friend (only god knows why) who will probably vouch for him, unfortunately, so I don't doubt someone else will have to deal with him someday. He had somewhat similar issues with another provider before me to a lesser extent, and with me they only got worse, whomever is next in line will probably get the bulls horns, sadly.    

Sionara Erotic Highway

Muah xoxo

I'd get a private investigator to look into past cases he may be involved in.  

I think he has the capacity to become violent after reading most of his posts.  

If you do find violence, take him very seriously.  A restraining order could very well put him over the edge.

My apologies to the provider. I responded to the original post in September and then Trooper responded and responded and responded.  I was not blaming the provider I was talking about his former girlfriend who stalked troopper2.
I do believe his actions have gone very far past the acceptable.
I do have advice for both of you.  I was stalked by a nurse which has resulted in three terrible years for me.  The physical, mental and emotional harm is real and long lasting.  I think you both could use some therapy ( not an insult but talking to someone with experience in this area is beneficial).  It took me three times to find the right therapist who actually deals with domestic violence and has helped me get past it.  The provider now would have to also be considered a victim.
I will say what I said in September, men get shafted, women are protected more than male victims are.  I was laughed at by the police, a magistrate and my doctor who employed the nurse.
Trooper 2 I have studied a lot about stalking and victims in the last 3 years.  I suffer from PTSD due to being stalked and it sounds like you might also.  That can affect your relationships and your responses to negative actions including rejection.  Please get some help.  Being arrested is not going to help you, it actually will turn you even more angry.  Your first post reminded me of me which is why I responded.  You sound like you have had many bad things happen and you are wondering why bad things keep happening to you.  I am mid 40's and never married, disabled and haven't worked for 12 years and hurt all day.  I sure wish things were different and wonder why I can't find a wife and why bad things happen. YOu sound the same.  I do know it is not fair to project all of this on this provider who as far as I know only refused to have a civilian relationship with you.  It might hurt but it happens to everybody sometimes.  There will be other females eventually but you will not find her as long as you are focusing on this provider. Go out and exercise, join a club, do other social things that make you feel better about yourself and give you an opportunity to meet someone else.  Women are attracted to confidence and it sounds like you no longer have any.  Get some help.
To the provider I regret not having my stalker arrested.  Your safety is the most important thing.  I think you evidently have giving Trooper a chance to get it out and move on.  Sooner or later you need to say enough.   A warning though, am arrest does escalate things at time so you need a TRO and understanding police.  Your job makes that difficult so I agree you need to stay off the board and change your phone number and be careful with your private information.  I do know you can find just about anything on the internet so ask the police for advice if you go that route.  I also suggest contacting a domestic violence group or a group for cime victims.  They are easy to find and they might be able to get you counseling free.  You sound like you are well adjusted to this and the original problem is not haunting you but I know all the other stuff that has happened can wear on you.  Sometimes you might not even realize you are having a problem until months later so take care of yourself now.
To both of you life is too short to waste time with this crap.  I let my stalker gain control of my life and I never should have giving her that.  No more contact, no more childish behavior, and I hope you both find other positive things for your lifes.

L.A. has an anti-stalking unit...I don't know if Minnesota has them...but you can ask your local police if they have one or what department handles these matters.  Police now take these things seriously.  Also, before you file a restraining order you should get legal advice of a good lawyer specializing in this because....restarining orders might require that your address be on there (as he would have to know where he's not supposed to be)...and I don't think you'd want that...so definitely ask tough questions of your lawyer.   I think you're doing the smart thing of not using any incall that you've used with him in the past and being underground so that he can never find you.  Yes, definitley do not communicate with him again...but still keep tabs on him to see what he's up to...maybe you ladies there can keep your eyes and ears out for each other so you know what this guy is up to... Just reading his post here is creeping us out.

I think the worst thing you can do is underestimate him.  What you do can have some danger and discretion makes the danger a little higher.  I agree with a lot of the things said and my advice is to to take a two prong approach.  

One, ignore him completely.  Dont open any emails, dont talk to any other providers on his behalf, nothing. Just like you would tell a child to ignore a bully, you have to ignore him mentally, physically and emotionally.

Two, you have to get some protection whether that is a private investigator or a body guard or whatever.  You need to feel safe and although it will cost you some money, it will make you feel a whole lot better emotionally.  Depending on what they find, you may have to change locations, take less clients, change names, change phone number, etc.  I know that would be extreme, but be safe