Dear MisterDobalena,

Your statements regarding providers and their private lives are full of misconceptions and assumptions - and you are not to blame for it at all. One of the reasons for all this is that THERE ARE NO peer-reviewed social studies on "how successful providers are in establishing long term, successful relationships in the civvie world after they retire."

Now why do you think that is? Well, the obvious answer is that being a prostitute is a very stigmatized profession and an illegal one to boot. Do you really think that any "successful provider," with the exception of a handful who have decided to cash in on their publicity [read Norma Jean Almodovar, Amanda Brooks, Xaviera Hollander and a few others],  would go public or even participate in a study after she's done selling her sexual services?

I CAN tell you this - retired providers who were "successful" generally keep very quiet about their provider past. But yes, you will find them among housewives, attorneys, members of academia, business owners, and other assorted professions.

As to their "lifelong piled-up trainwreck of choices" - I find that statement somewhat spurious. You only know what these women tell you - for all I know, they have fake names for their pets, they make up stories, they embellish, they don't share anything remotely truthful with you. Why? Because THEY CAN and they don't OWE YOU any personal truths about themselves. Now, it may be that you have been with "a few providers already," but that still makes you a client to whom it's perfectly OK to fudge, dramatize and present stories that may or may not be the entire "truth" - if there is one to begin with.

I would suggest that you go to my website and click on the attached link. It will take you to a little pilot study I did two years ago. 100 providers from the Providers Only board right here on TER answered these questions. The instrument was very flawed and was only used to conduct an academic exercis, but nevertheless, you can check out the demographic data which is assumed to be truthful.

And yes, successful providers can be "amazing ladies." Too bad the rest of the world doesn't see it that way and endows them with all sorts of "trainwrecks of bad choices, failed live-in arrangements, truncated engagements and doomed marriages." Of course that includes half of Hollywood too, so maybe there is something to be said for "star quality," whether in or out of bed.

Enjoy whatever you get out of the little study,
The Love Goddess

I'm widowed after a long happy marriage. I loved having a woman in my life, and I'm almost certainly going to be married again someday. But before I meet Wife 2.0, and after having been faithful to the same woman for so many years, I thought, hey, the ladies have always liked me, I've got some coin, why not sample as many beautiful women as I can in the meantime? So I've started hobbying. I've been with a few providers already, and on multiple occasions, so I've gotten to know them a bit. So far, I've found the hobbying experience to be absolutely outstanding.

The women I've been with do a phenomenal job with the whole GFE fantasy thing, so much so that as a newbie I have to go back and re-read their reviews and the experiences that other clients have had with them (in a word - same as mine) to remind myself that this is fantasy, this is P4P.

Yet I can't help but notice something with these women, and it leads up to my question. They seem to have so much going for them - they are smart, interesting, beautiful and of course a pleasure to be with. In the civvie world, it would seem to me, they would easily be considered "a catch". But their civvie lives seem to be a lifelong piled-up trainwreck of bad choices, failed live-in arrangements, truncated engagements and doomed marriages. The disparity between their private and professional relationships is just stunning.

I'm wondering if the absence of long term, successful relationships is typical of providers? Are providers more likely than civvie women to have "commitment issues"? Finally, are there any studies - anecdotal or otherwise - as to how successful providers are in establishing long term, successful relationships in the civvie world after they retire? (Not really shopping here for a wife, just curious about these amazing ladies).

When you see a good provider, she understands that it is her job to create a fantasy world which you will find delightful and therefore will want to keep coming back to.

This often confuses us (easily confused) men into thinking that she is "in love" with us and therefore a suitable life companion.

wrong.

It is not impossible to meet someone who might, under the right circumstances, be Ms. Right (I confess that I did.), but the odds don't favor it.

I would suggest getting involved with some social group around a topic that interests you and meeting someone in that way to be wife 2.0.

END OF MESSAGE

Thank you for shining some light on this topic LG. I realize that my sample size was small and that I might have been overgeneralizing. I'm also beginning to appreciate the fantasy or "unreal" aspect of these encounters. And it doesn't bother me a bit. After all, even in the civvie world, when you're in a relationship, especially at the start, who knows what your partner tells you is real and what isn't? So I'll take my providers served up warm and spicy, but with a grain of salt, and just enjoy my time with these wonderful women.

Well mrfisher, you are spot on about that being easily confused part.

Also, thanks for the advice about getting involved with some social group about a topic that interests me regarding meeting wife 2.0...but now that you mention it, I am already involved with such a social group: it's the hobby! Seriously though, just curious, but why do think that the "odds don't favor it", that is, favor meeting Ms Right while hobbying? Myself and prospective Ms Right would at least know that we have the bedroom part solved, no?

Besides, marrying for sex is like getting drunk because you like the taste of liquor.

That's not the point of it.

Actually, probably not. If the lady is any good at her job, you would have no idea what she thinks of your "bedroom compatibility." Her job is to convince you that she thinks you are great in bed. You are not likely to return if she were to tell you honestly what she thinks. I had been seeing a provider regularly for years, and I thought that she and I could not be more compatible in bed. After our relationship shifted to a real-world friendship, she felt safe in telling me all of the things that I did and did not do that totally irritated her. It was a major letdown at first, but it did lead to truly compatible sex later on.  

It is really difficult, but you must always keep in mind that everything she says and does with you is what she thinks you want. Even her best regulars probably do not know what she thinks of them.

There is some serous pitfalls in dating within the hobby. My wife is a provider trust me I know. Do you plan on having her quite her job? If she does not are you going to be OK sharing her with anyone who wants to pay her? Are you aware that providers often lie in there sessions with clients to make them think that the clients great in the sack so the bedroom part may not be solved? Providers also lie about there lives as well. My wife claims to be single to give the impression she could be had to increase repeats visits. They even give fake names most of the time. The hobby is mostly about money and fantasy and not love or reality. You should never base a real life relationship on fantasy as reality will come in and destroy it. I was never my wifes client but her job puts great strain on our marriage. If I started with the fantasy it would have never worked. When in the hobby you only see the best part not the whole women with her bad habits and off days. The odds really do not favor it working out between a client and a provider. It has happened but not likely. Heck it is rare for both the client and provider being on the same page enough to even make the switch from the hobby to a civvie relationship with out there being misunderstandings  and hurt feelings. Not to even bring up fact that many providers have issues do to the hobby or that brought them to the hobby in the first place. One that is common is they often get a bit jaded about men as they see men cheat all the time. I am not saying they are jaded or damaged goods but many are.  Best to look else where for wife number two. It is had to make marriage work with out the stress the hobby puts on the marriage with that stress it is even harder. But if you do not listen to someone who is there and ignore my advise, I wish you the best of luck, as you will need it. I love my wife and would not trade her for anything. But how she decided to make her money has caused a great deal of issues in my marriage. Just a word of warning. Feel free to ignore it at your own peril.

This is just what I needed to snap me back to reality this morning.
Thanks to all who had input.
Funny how the universe gives you just what you need.

I myself do not have commitment issues. But I was married for 20 yrs at a young age long before I got into this profession.

I don't see the possibility of me dating a hobbyist because I cant see it ever being more then just sex. Sure, there could be fun times, but in the end, it would be all about the sex.

Men think with their dicks and women think with their hearts. Men use love for sex, and women use sex for love.. (usually anyway, unless its p4p)

Nothing in my life now is a train wreck. But I hate drama and avoid any situation that would put me in it or pull me into it.