A few weeks ago, my SO, one of her girl friends, and I were riding down to another of my SO's girl friend's house for a cocktail party.  My SO was driving, and her friend was reading a book.  It was a porn story.  I borrowed the book, and began reading it aloud.  It was pretty funny.  I kept stopping to make fun of the awful writing and the stuid story line.  After just so much of my complaining, the two girls challenged me to do better.  So, I resolved to write a porn story that was literate as well as provocative.  In fact, I decided to write it from a man's prespective, but to target it primarily toward women.

My SO and a few of my other girl friends (now distinct from girlfriends) have read the story, and all found it enjoyable.

So, I posted the story on line, and have included a link to the page.  I hope you enjoy it.  I also hope this keeps Orthodox satisfied for a while.

Oh, by the way, don't be confused about the link being to lovedapiper.  That's just my Yahoo ID at Geocities (my wife was a piper).  You'll note my pen name for this story is L.O. Womane.  I just couldn't resist.

-- Modified on 7/3/2003 10:23:27 AM

From a purely style point of view, I give you an A+.
Judging this work as having redeeming social value I again award you an A+.

There is no doubt in my mind that you spent some time on this and it clearly shows. My compliments to you.

However, if this short story is meant to be pornographic in nature then my question is what target audience are you aiming at(other than TER readers of course)?

If you are aiming at hard core 1970's and 80's adult book store style porn, then excellent as it is your work, IMHO falls short of the mark.

If however, your target audience is the "Harold Robbins", and "Danielle Steele" crowd, you are dead on target.

Actually, upon further reflection, I feel that your work falls in between the two, closer to the second than the first.

Could I do better? No. I know my limitations. Have I read better?
Again, in my opinion I have.

All in all a very good job.

Just my opinion for what its worth.

Respectfully.

-- Modified on 7/3/2003 11:47:33 AM

My target audience was women.  Literate women.  I decided to challenge myself to write in the past tense first person from the man's viewpoint, but still write a story which appeals mostly to women.  It sounds to me like you feel I got pretty close.  Thanks again.

-- Modified on 7/3/2003 4:19:42 PM

Very nice. Very well written. A funny addendum; my father passed away several years ago and in cleaning out his apartment, I found a stack of porn literature. And like any erstwhile young buck with plenty of time on his hands, I sat down to read. It was pretty ood stuff. And not having known my father too well, I was happy to find this secret side of his life. Then I looked at the pen name. And thought about it. It was him. The old bugger had been penning and publishing dimestore porn for god knows how long. A friend on the West Coast said he recently saw some of his "work" on the shelves of a sex shoppe.

You may have a career ahead of you l.o.w. - beats digging ditches.

-burnit