So here is an interesting one. Whenever I give a new provider a reference, I actually inform the reference to expect a call.  So I emailed a lady I have seen a few times and who actually is holding a deposit I gave her when she cancelled the last minute.  She lives on the West Coast so it is usually awhile between her tours to NYC.

Anyway, she writes me back stating she cannot serve as a reference because--- we haven't met in a year. As in the last time we met was just before Covid. So there was a pandemic. And she didn't work for 6-8 months. And hasn't come back to NYC yet.  But- she has this 1 year rule.....

Am I the crazy one, lol?

Some won't give refs if you haven't seen them in 90 days.  If you hobby regularly, you should have some more recent references so that you don't have to go back that far.  I mostly see agency girls, but I also see about one indie a month, usually while traveling, so I use the last two.  I set it up with them the last time I had a session with them, and I tell them it will be within a couple of months.  

Because the issue is more the passage of time rather than the exact reason why.

If a lot of time has passed since the last contact, so she cannot give another provider up-to-date verification that she thinks it's ok to date you. She can only say, "A year ago he was _______." As such, she declines to give a reference beyond a certain time period.

It's like an STD test result or a credit reference when you're applying for a loan. If it's ten years old, it doesn't give an accurate picture of today.

I just had a similar thing occur.  Met a great newcomer and had a great date.  Following that, I helped her join P411.  Second date was a 2 hr visit.  After date #2, I asked her for a reference.  She responded promptly.  But since she "ok'd" me on P411 (the first ok she gave), when another P411 member looked at my profile, they reached out to her.  The newcomer was my most recent "ok" and on top of my P411 ok list.  In reply, the newcomer wrote the other P411 member a big long email on how she was incapable of providing me a reference since she only providers one reference per date.  When the newcomer sent me a copy of her email, she added "sorry I never mentioned it before."  My response - I deleted her P411 ok and moved on.  

Some providers will not reference a client if a certain amount of time has passed since she has seem him. We will reference a client with the preface that it has been X amount of months/years since we have seen him and then the provider can make her own decision as to whether to see him or not.

So yes, you are the crazy one. lol

 
I am sure I can be the only one wondering this about you. Is she really the ONLY woman you can use as a reference? I would think whichever provider who is asking you for a reference is wondering why the one woman you want to use as a reference lives on the complete opposite side of the country and hasn't seen you for over a year, regardless of the deposit.

 
Being foolish and being safe to see are two very different things. Just because you are foolish enough to allow a provider to hold your money for over a year doesn't mean you are a "safe" client for another provider to see.

...... are definitely not played on this side of street.  I have found many in a similar position when they admit that they have references but they won't use them because they may become jealous.  It is entirely plausible that this lady has a shelf life policy, if so quit whining........ and what the hell does giving her a deposit have to do with it anyway, seriously,?  Cowboy up or hit the trail.

Suzee the slut

I see both sides of the discussion but as an infrequent hobbyist (only when I travel: a couple of times per year and sometimes less), the expiration dates of references is commonly a problem. I thought that the COVID break would generate some flexibility but I guess not.  

Fortunately I have used a provider with an assistant who is very generous with references. I click with the provider but the assistant's willingness to send out an email reference when I haven't seen the provider for a year or 2, increases my satisfaction with doing business with her. I see it as good post-sale customer service that I value and increases my chances of being a return customer.

She really should've given you a conditional reference. “I haven't seen him in over a year, but he was fine.” Or something along those lines.

honestly, unless she's your all time fave, I would ask for the deposit back and never see her again.