That's what I do.  Except I don't get on all fours.

I just go to the bathroom.  But sometimes after you excuse yourself 4-5 times in a night, the guy follows you to the bathroom to peek his head in and check on you.  I wish they wouldn't do that!

But yeah there's no way to avoid it especially if you ate dinner that night

If any guy thought that unusual, then he hasn't spent many nights sleeping with women, such as girlfriends/wifes.  Women have a normal human digestive tract and that happens.  Some foods can cause distress and I try to stay away from those.

Whoops!

Twice now, Ive accidentally tooted while with a client.

Once, we were sleeping around 3am, and I tooted.  I heard it and woke up.  Thankfully he was knocked out didnt hear!

The other night, I was taking a cat nap with a guy and a little toot came out.  It woke me up again and I looked at the guy.  He was staring at me with a smirk/disgust.

Whoops!  How embarrassing.

I do too(t)!!!!

Humans fart.
Why do people act like they don't?
I wouldn't care. How would you hold it for all those hours anyway? How would you know, especially if you are sleeping? Anyway it wouldn't be a big deal to me. We'd probably laugh about it. Unless you made the whole room smell like the sewage treatment plant

I actually used half of my session one time taking a shit and a shower, and thought that my time only starts when I am ready. LMAO.

What's funny about your situation is, you were overly cautious about you tooting, that you've actually lost sleep over it. Man, next time, just let it go, the louder it is, the better. Holding in a toot is not good for you.

Everyone toots, and if you spend enough time with them, they'll toot. Its natural, and if men don't get that by now, well, I don't know what to tell them. Were you also embarrass to take a shit too? Holding a shit in can cause major internal damage, that's why, when I gotta take a shit, I don't hesitate to take a shit a providers incall.

On your second occasion, the client had a smirk and a look of disgust on his face. That's no real man. If he was a real man, he'll match you with a louder fart.

A link to a youtube website is attached that is humorous in nature about public tooting.

Although you have had some other doozies

Here is the link in case anybody missed it

http://theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=469309&boardID=12&page=#469309

a while back. We both thought it was a good thing. That means there is a certain comfort level

i took a lady out to dinner. we ordered carefully to avoid her food allergies but... you can't control what goes on in the kitchen.

anyway back to her place for the second round and her food allergy kicked in with a toot. she was extremely apologetic as if it were the end of the world.

i told her to not worry about it. it made her human and therefore sexier.

As a matter fact, just this morning(Saturday) I was glad I wasn't with a lady. I had one of those store bought frozen pizzas and had the bright idea of emptying a jar of jalapenos on it. Ate the whole damn thing and my bung-hole paid for it this morning, lmao!!!  

Another story. I used to do a lot of coke and of course it was cut with manitol(baby laxative). It'd make me fart and my ex didn't appreciate it too much. We'd do some lines, watching TV and drinking and I'd rip one. She'd look at me with disgust, and I'd tell her 'You bought the shit.'

So we'd be halfway thru a movie and she'd let one go, tell me how you like that?

I LMAO and told her it was cool as fuck she was comfortable enough to do that infront of me!

Ladies, here's the deal. I know you fart. I know you get bed-head. You don't always have puppy-breath when you wake up. Sometimes your pussy isn't as pristine as you want and you need 2-3 cups of coffee before you get your shit together in the morning. So fucking what? Welcome to the club!

Here's a little ditty one of your sisters sent me. I think it fucking rocks and I'm sure most will appreciate the tone...

I insist on it. When I make a date I ask what she wants for me to bring or have handy if she comes to me. I'm probably the farthest thing from a gentleman on these boards. But when you meet me, if I'm not shitfaced, lol, I'll cater to your every whim.

Wise guy cuts a loud one while standing in line next to a very proper older couple.

The proper gentleman takes umbrage and says to the wise guy:  "I take offense to your farting before my wife."

To which the wise guy responds:  "Sorry mister, I didn't know it was her turn."

ba-doom.

As for farting, I try to get up and relieve myself in the bathroom if at all possible, but sometimes, shit happens.  (Not meant literally.)

Avoiding gassy foods before a date and while on a diner date is a good idea too.

In any case, despite a few farts on both sides of the fence, I've never experienced any real angst over it.

Besides, as anyone who knows me will testify, my farts smell like roses.

8o)

LOL

I can't even believe I'm sharing this but...

For overnights/weekends I will just have like, protein shakes and fruits for the day leading into it and I'll pack a mini aerosol air freshener.

I consciously choose my meals as not to upset my stomach or provoke tooting.

I always wake up before the client to get freshen up or shower, wash my face, comb my hair and handle all of the bodily functions as not to make him aware of it.

Unless I know someone and have done long dates with them several times I barely sleep on these engagements and literally schedule time before and after for rest because of all the effort I put into just being pretty and fun - and without bodily functions or requiring too much food.  

It may be a little extreme but I understand your embarrassment lol.

Queef:  "My pussy talks.. it just said, 'Hi!' " lol

Just don't toot during a 69.

I've given it back to them in the form of a Dutch Oven before.  That's love!

At least that's what I tell my kids.  I don't get why people are so hung up on letting one rip.  Good lord it's completely human and everyone does it.  Do people get embarrased when they say "I have to go to the bathroom?"

No harm, no foul.

And it's so funny the way women refuse to admit to them.  My ex never farted around me, but would excuse herself to go to the bathroom.  Once I found her there on the floor on all fours in her "farting position."  That ended the subtrefuge.
On a related note: why does it seem, no matter what I eat (or don't) before a session, that while she's giving me a BBBJ that I have an almost uncontrolable urge to fart?

Silent but deadly  you squeak on out  and the whole room smells  my dog has those LOL  I have been lucky  so far but I am sure it will happen someday and I just hope its with someone like Mikey cuz I know he will just tease me  and laugh

...and it happens. The guy looked askance at you and disgusted?! Really? What a knothead! As if he never had gas and passed it. We're adults. We know about these things. What's the big deal. Though I have to point out that it seems to be a woman thing, guy thing. The people that usually have a problem with it are the ladies. It's unladylike. Most guys wouldn't care. Yes, we'd likely laugh.  My attitude is the same as MP67. See below. I agree with what he said 100%. I'll add that when you get older the things that aren't important don't matter anymore. It's no longer important to convince everyone you're the perfect human being with no foibles. A fart, so! Under the circumstances you describe it's perfectly normal and not a big deal.

Quote, "Ladies, here's the deal. I know you fart. I know you get bed-head. You don't always have puppy-breath when you wake up. Sometimes your pussy isn't as pristine as you want and you need 2-3 cups of coffee before you get your shit together in the morning. So fucking what? Welcome to the club!"

...if women couldn't bitch, they'd explode..

I usually deduct $20 off the fee, for every fart a lady let's loose while in my presence. The flip side I will charge a lady $20 for every fart I let go, its amazing I get like like half the fee back sometimes.

I don't know if the two are related, but I can't get a lady to book a second date ever. I get the same blah, blah, blah about gas prices on the rise, and she almost lost money on our last date, damn economy.

a very fat client came to my home and asked to use the bathroom off my bedroom ....I waited in livingroom for him after 20 minutes  I started to smell something really bad coming from down the hall into the livingroom as I made my way back to bedroom  it was soooo bad I started opening all windows even though it was 110 degrees outside  it stayed in the room the whole visit  I was surprised the wallpaper did not peel off the walls ....next time he called I was busy every time  it took all day to go away

Just kidding. Sorry Mac! Just funning you! I know you are not very fat

fat guys have incredibly smelly shits.  Whereas thin athletic gentlemen like myself defecate chamomille.

I notice that when I am in fat mode that my digestion / elimination / "tooting" is more offensively fragrant than when I am thin.

that is true  his diet  was poor  hew was Hispanic and obese  it does make a difference

this story is about someone in my profile and/or someone i would recommend. not so.

Whenever possible!

In the dog's absence, a cute coy grin and an "Oops!" will usually do.

LMAO at "the farting position"!!!!

I think it has to do more with diet. I know that Mexican food can disagree with me, and the results aren't pretty. Bland food means bland farts.

hahahaha!