This happened to me sometime back with a highly
reviewed provider in my area. Initial contact was made through e-mail only, I had a proper reference & wanted to set the date 2 weeks in advance. My rule of thumb is if a provider takes more than 4 days to respond, I move on. In this instance, 4 days had elapsed, no response & I decided to see the provider who gave me the reference instead, on the date I was to meet the "new provider".

If you're following me so far ( yah, this gets
complicated ) 5 days later & NINE days from initial contact,the "new provider" contacted me. Says sorry she couldn't hook up with me, was very busy ,maybe we can hook up in the future, yadda, yadda, yadda. I politely respond, sure, maybe next time, etc, etc, & forget the whole thing. Several days later ( the day I was going to meet the "reference provider" ) get e-mail from "new provider" implying if things don't work out today with my "usual girl" that'd she'd be available ! WTF !  Whatever chance I had with seeing this woman went out the window with that e-mail ! Did
she think I was ACTUALLY going to be THAT low & cancel on my original provider ?!

Of course,all of this could have been avoided if the "new provider" posted a schedule on her website, saying she'd be busy & wouldn't be able to respond in several days.

In this biz, people who act like "arrogant flakes" ( And I mean providers AND hobbyists ) are to be avoided at all costs.

This is as common as people spacing out when the lights turn green in traffic.

I don't blame you for being a bit miffed, especially at her suggestion that you still see her but remember to keep your eye on the prize.

lol whatever dude

eom means "end of message". That means the subject line contains the whole thought or point.
Nothing to see here....now move along....LOL

you're not half as humble as you seem to be claiming. It just might be that she has a very busy personal life, and a significant number of guys lined up to see her. Hope your humble ego can take that thought.

I've been in similar circumstances, and what it came down for me was, once the lady did contact me, how did she treat me. I was glad that I didn't let a little initial disappointment ruin the chances at the great time I ended up having with her.

How does "if things don't work out" translate to asking you to cancel in favor of seeing her?

If things don't work out, sounds exactly like that, if for some reason you can't / don't see who you have booked I would be available as a back-up plan.

Did she write something different than what you posted here to make you think she was asking you to cancel and see her instead?

It's possible that her computer or email was not working?  She did apologize to you, didn't see?  It's possible that she was really busy or had some emergencies, and when she called you - it's possible that her time just got freed up and suddenly she had nothing to do.  

This has happened to me.  There's a time when I can barely get hold of any of my favorites - I called all them them and not one was available.  Then, out of the blues 3 - 4 of them emailed or text me at the same time wanting to see me on the same day, and I already had an appointment.  It happens!

Give her a 2nd chance.

You describe a provider who simply delayed in responding for whatever reason, and is if anything apologetic and accommodating in the wake of that delay.

Then you describe her behavior as characteristic of an "arrogant flake." Bullshit. Nothing in your description of her behavior supports such a conclusion.

Flakes certainly exist. And arrogant providers certainly exist. But this provider, absent other information, cannot be described as either.

So now that we've left the specifics behind, lets examine the general question: how long should you wait?

The answer is: as long as you would like. She is a salesperson and you are a customer. You are free to wait 5 minutes or 5 years -- it is up to you.

It is true that she is a woman, and in some cases her nature as a woman may in fact be operative. But for initial contacts, her persona as a businesswoman and salesperson should be uppermost in your mind. And to that extent, you are the customer -- so you decide which vendors to contact, which terms are acceptable to you, and whether or not the timing, price and delivery are suitable.

When you are looking for a part for a car do you call one parts store, leave a message and then wait 4 days to hear back from them? Or when the phone goes to voicemail do you call the next store on your list?

Granted, once you have an established relationship with a given parts store; you may prefer to deal with their counter people, may prefer their products, may get special considerations and so forth. That's why what I am saying applies to first contacts and not subsequent ones. Subsequently, matters can become more complex.

But initially -- you are the customer and she is just a salesperson selling a service. How long you wait, what terms are acceptable and the details of service are entirely up to you, and no provider can presume to dictate what you should or shouldn't find acceptable.

I spent the entire month of September flat on my back with pneumonia. During the worst part of it, while I was spiking fevers of 104 degrees, and struggling with every breath, I was still a trooper and valiantly answering every email I got. Not.

Get over yourself. Your name may be humble but the rest? Not so much. But you did nail it in your last paragraph. Arrogant fvcks are to be avoided at all costs. Like you.

to possibly salvage the relationship. I agree that there is a big difference between between you thinking she wants you to cancel on your "regular: gal and "if things don't work out", but it is a generally smart move. How's she to know that you've written her off unless you tell her?

IMO, you can move on and thats that, but getting upset that she didn't hop to your request (yes, it's frustrating) is not worth it. Also, IMO, it's a little hypocritical to call her out for not getting back to you and then assume all kinds of things not in evidence from your post about her, when you never explained to her that you wouldn't see her because of her delay.

If you want to be a standup guy and have a foot to stand on, then let her know that taking so long to get back to you means a write off for future fun.

"4 days had elapsed, no response & I decided to see the provider who gave me the reference instead, on the date I was to meet the "new provider"

This was a great idea considering the delay in the potential providers response.

"NINE days from initial contact,the "new provider" contacted me. Says sorry she couldn't hook up with me, was very busy ,maybe we can hook up in the future, yadda, yadda, yadda."

If it took that long for her to respond, she must have had some things going on that delayed her. We are not robots that sit waiting for an email. Things happen that are out of our control. We also at times flat out get overwhelmed and treat our boyfriends badly as a result of it. Non-excusable, however, should be understood and not taken personally as the tone of your post suggests. Her punishment was that you didn't want to see her anymore. Happens to all of us at some point. Happened to me and it was completely not intentional.

'I politely respond, sure, maybe next time, etc, etc, & forget the whole thing. Several days later ( the day I was going to meet the "reference provider" ) get e-mail from "new provider" implying if things don't work out today with my "usual girl" that'd she'd be available ! WTF !  Whatever chance I had with seeing this woman went out the window with that e-mail ! Did
she think I was ACTUALLY going to be THAT low & cancel on my original provider ?!"

You're assuming that she wanted you to cancel.... Please tell me, of what she said, what made you think that? You'd be surprised as to what could have driven her to reach out to you and let you know she is free. Sometimes, the guilt from being a bad girlfriend can make you EXTRA nice and do things to show you are a good girl afterall. Hell that may have been her way of letting you know that once she did finally receive your email that she did have you on her mind. Or she may have been desperate for cash. Doesn't matter what it is, I don't know how you feel she intended for you to cancel with the original lady?? I don't see how you can make out a definite "why" period for her actions.

"Of course,all of this could have been avoided if the "new provider" posted a schedule on her website, saying she'd be busy & wouldn't be able to respond in several days."

I agree and have began to utilize auto responses to let everyone know that I am not available at that time. This helps a lot. Again, not excusing her, but also remember that we have to manage all the emails we get, be organized with our time and also be a balanced girlfriend. Allow us, especially newbies, to be on a learning curve with this. I am a smart cookie that struggled with this until recently.

Too long is the time frame that each gentleman has personally decided on and it is also affected by how hot you are for a particular lady.
As to this particular case, you decided 4days is too long. Fine, your money, your rules. The lady did contact you with an explanation and apology and that she was amenable to meeting with you in the future. You then lead her to believe that was within the realm of possibilities. On the day of session the lady politely let you know that she was available if by some chance there was a cancellation ( for what ever reason - last minuet shit happens)of your appointment, showing concern that you not miss out on any fun that you had planed.

OBTW, IMHO: Humble does not describe how you are acting in this situation. The correct terminology would be, Arrogant

you're one of the few voices of sanity in this thread. Keep in mind, I give providers a FOUR day
leeway to respond to my queries. Despite that, I get jumped on here by providers with the mentality evidenced in your piece & their mangina lackeys.

Too fucking much.

Using the "I'm very busy" as an excuse as to why an e-mail or message can't be returned within 24 hours is a pure bullshit excuse.  What it really comes down to is how hard the person in question wants to work to maintain a solid reputation and client base.

In a normal working day I have staff meetings, project meetings, a conference call or two, numerous phone calls and emails and actual productive work to do.  In spite of how "busy" I may think that I am, I make it a personal goal to return every email or phone call that I get on the same day that I receive it.  Why?  Well, mostly because it is my job.  Secondly, it creates a lasting impression on the client when his questions are answered quickly and don't kid yourself, they do remember it.  And in this economy, that goes a long, long way to keeping the doors open.

So don't say that you are too busy to respond quickly.  Tell the truth, your clients are not that important to you or that you are just too damn lazy.