If you are lucky enough to be taken under someone's wing when you are new in the business, as I was when I was new, then you were 'schooled' about different things.

I listened to my experienced sisters about many topics, as well as reading the boards, and I might have elected to do something of my own will 'anyway'.
Time and again, I would find after I would do them 'anyway' that I found that my 'sisters' were right in saying what they did, but I guess I had to experience it to believe it or to understand it fully.

Such is the case of the Platonic Meeting. The meet for a drink or coffee, lunch or whatnot to just get acquainted (meeting for the first time). While I have enjoyed immmensely the visits, I can now understand why it's not recommended and concur for reasons that you might not guess.

Was wondering what you ladies think? Men?


-- Modified on 10/10/2003 6:28:40 PM

Well, i have to admit that personally i have had that type of meeting with a lady, but as long as both people are on the same page as far what the meeting is for and any limitations that go along with it, i don't see any harm in it. Then again, i might very well change my tune after i'd done it.

But as you said in your post(sort of). Like so many other things in life, you really don't know until you've been there/done that yourself. Hindsight is 20/20 vision If you feel there are reasons that warrent you no longer doing this, or any other particular thing, then by all means don't do it.  

-- Modified on 10/10/2003 5:03:07 PM

Sedona, are you talking about someone you know or a new client?
If it's someone you're very familar with I don't think it should be a problem ,as long as he's not expecting anything more than friendship.

what the purpose of such a meeting would serve. I've even tried to put in other contexts to see if made more sense. I imagined telling a new plumber let's meet for a beer to get to know one another before you work on the garbage disposal. I couldn't see doing it. I then thought of asking the cable guy if he wants to grab a muffin before he replaces my cable box. That didn't seem right either. Perhaps it's just me, but I couldn't imagine for a moment why if someone is getting together with a commercial sex worker how "platonic" fits in. I guess if someone doesn't have anyone else in the world that they can have a cup of coffee with other than a paid companion, they better quickly understand that a tall drip is going to cost him $301.40.

Personally, my way of doing things would be to get a couple of coffees to go and then if you wanted some more cream.....

Well, what was told to me, is that it isn't a good idea because you 'popped the bubble' - meaning ruined the fantasy by meeting ahead of time. It changes the excitement, and it affects the fantasy. And I now agree.

You gents know what we look like by our websites, read our reviews, etc. but we are in the truest of blind dates. It actually works BETTER for us (most of us) when we don't know anything about you and haven't seen you. The anticipation and surprise is part of the thrill and meeting ahead of time takes it down a few notches. Ok, several notches. Not the same.

Just as I prefer not to have pictures ahead of time. Obviously, part of the screening process does show me a picture (if your picture is on the website for your work), but I'd rather be left in 'the dark'.

So, if a lady says that she doesn't normally go for the Platonic Meet, that's largely the reason why.

Sometimes, as in the Civilian world, they just want to meet ahead of time to see if they might have any chemistry, or be compatible, have a closer look, help decide whether they want to book a date with you or not...a sort of try-before-you-buy type thing. Others use it as an LE screening for their comfort level.

To me, if you've done your homework, then you'll make your decision. As far as LE goes, well, you still must learn proper research and screening, so don't substitute for what you should be doing anyway. AND, there are no guarantees about that..you do the best that you can.

Well, imagine if you were being taken pictures of from afar and someone was recording the entire conversation.

Elise [email protected]

As well as we communicate, as fond of you as I am, and as good as I (think I) am at putting myself in someone else's shoes, you still walk on a side of the street I'll never walk and know things I'll never know.  So all I can really do is take your word for it.

A big hug,

D.

Once a gentleman who wanted to start the hobby asked to meet for coffee because he said he was a little nervous and had a million questions to ask in person (and no, he wasn't LE).

We had a very pleasant little meeting (or so I thought), without compensation. However, I guess I wasn't a good enough "hobby spokeswoman", LOL, because I never heard from him again, nor did any of my friends.

So, I don't have coffee meetings any more. I'd rather spend my time doing the fun activities rather than spend my time trying to convince someone to try them.

Frankly, I don't think of meeting a provider in ANYTHING like the same terms I do meeting a plumber, or the cable guy. I'm nervous, excited, and eager. If I felt like that before the plumber came, I should be locked up.

I've had a few disappointing experiences in the hobby. One involved misunderstandings about money (and may have been entirely my fault, although the provider didn't TELL me there was a money problem at the time; she just sort of "shut down".

Last week I suggested that one way for a provider to get to know me was for me to drive her from a fair she was attending for the afternoon to her incall location where she'd be for the evening. She'd get a free "taxi" ride, I'd get to know her a bit, and we'd both decide whether to proceed from there. It didn't work out because she couldn't break away from the fair, but I still plan to see her. So, she didn't "need" to do this to win my business, and I still look forward to our first "date". Maybe that says such "no nookey" get acquainted meetings really are superfluous, but I really CAN'T accept the notion that two hours with an ATF is in ANY way akin to trading sports scores with the cable guy while he installs your HDTV box!

save it for those selling real estate (with all due respect to the time they must spend agonizing for results).  

Now here is what I have seen (FELICIA'S DRAMATIC, BUT NOT SO DRAMATIC RECOUNTING, from a females  standpoint).

Just like calling an ad and keeping the lady on the phone while he wanks, the "coffee audition" will be the highlight of SOME men's fantasies without any remote chance of a meeting.

Now am I to turn down real work that comes up after committing to an audtion in order to keep the audition date, basically  a shot in the dark?  I can go into showbiz to do that. But in the escort business in the year 2003, where it concerns the woman, place a big N/A on the coffee audition.  Reviews and websites have replaced the necessity for this and with those AND emailing AND talking on the phone, NOT TO MENTION backchanneling,  if the gent isn't astute enough by then to know if he'll click with the lady, then something is amiss, in my opinion, and just isn't going to happen, even by pouring coffee on it. (mAYBE HE IS LE.) On the other hand if he is phoning 50 ladies in one day, and when the lady phones back and finds that he can't even remember who he called, well, yeh, I can see why he might fall back on this strategy.  Or it might be part of the original strategy ... call 50 girls, then tell'em to show up at IHop on sunset and LaBrea, and the one at La Cienega and Sta Monica...oh, and then while HE is coffee shop hopping, he finds that he likes the first one and stands the other two up?  (I'm such a pessimist, lol)

And what I think Sedona means is that if you haven't struck up a rapport by the time you have done the email and the phone, well, then maybe pouring coffee or cocktails over it just ain't gonna make it happen.  Besides some of these meetings can get into areas that will ruin a fantasy, i.e. too nitpicky; just looking for something to talk about during coffee and hence driving the fantasy into oblivion.

Meanwhile, we ladies would like to be able to pay for our overhead for the real dates.  To be able to keep clean sateen sheets on the bed, fresh evian and pellegrino in the fridge, and other special goodies, only to be delivered in person, not to looky loos limited to hanging out at Starbucks.  An endless stream of coffee auditions which seemed to be a "thing" out here at one time a couple of years ago never pay the rent.

One more thing.  What made me so staunch in my sentiments?  Seeing and meeting plenty of the men who ARE astute enough to pick up the nuances in my website, my pics, my emails, and  phone conversations.  I was very pleasantly surprised, but know better now than to think a coffee date is necessary in order to see if I qualify.  Then again, I live in LA.  somewhere else in this fine country, people may be finding this still to be necessary?  But then, why?  

But even more importantly, some of the greatest romances and successes have gone against the tide, so who am I to say, except go with your gut?  In other words, I said a lot of nothing, but had lots of fun doing it.  

xoxo





-- Modified on 10/10/2003 11:59:55 PM

This can be a two edged sword.  In the past I have not seen reviewed providers.  One reason is reading all the details told me much more than I wanted to know about the person I was going to see.  However I have met several of the most popular girls on TER off the clock and have decided I need to change this attitude. Since these meetings occured I have dropped my VIP membership so I won't get tempted into reading the reviews.

However, after one meeting with three very special girls, all three of which I would like to see on the clock, one of them told me I reminded her to much of her father and that she would not be able to see me.  I am sure if I had just showed up for an appointment this would not have happened.  So guys it may not be best to meet for that coffee.  You may get turned down just like trying to pick up a great gal at a bar.

-- Modified on 10/10/2003 9:18:21 PM

Not all ladies show their face on their website.  Some ladies only have one photo.  Hearing their voice in person instead of a 30 second phone call to get a "vibe".  Those are reasons that I think are valid, if time permitted.  Hey, you don't have to go out,  I would deliver your Starbucks Mocha Java to your door in exchange for a 4 minute "meet & greet".

And of course the #1 reason a client would ask:  You are less likely to be a Rip-off Artist.  That extra dedication to customer service would mark you as true blue.  In this case, I am thinking of the ladies that do not have reviews on TER.  doesn't anyone else remember the newspaper days?  LA Xpress?  Half of those ads are ripoffs.  Most if not all of the photos (If there is one) are fake.  

TER ladies don't need to meet for coffee.  But I think newspaper ladies should.

No you don't have coffee with your plumber.  But if you were having the house remodeled, or new drapes for the whole house, or pool installed -  big $ per hour- then yes, I want a meeting before hand.  With design photos and samples and swatches, and references, and assurances that I am dealing with someone reputable.  Too bad we have to be under the radar so much.

-SillyRabbit

1.  Ladies don't want to spend uncompensated time drinking coffee because the platonic meeting may be all the gentleman really had in mind or based upon the meeting the gentleman may not go through with a date because reality does not live up to the fantasy created on the internet.

2.The lady may decide not to see a gentleman because he is too fat, ugly, smelly, etc.  For some ladies the fantasy may be ruined after having coffee with the client and they will not perform as well as if they had just met the client.

a business most of us certainly do enjoy But, a business. I like  like to keep our meeting a discrete fantasy, where I can be whomever he wants me to be. By meeting for coffee, to me, takes away from that fantasy. I meet for coffee guys that I am interested in civilian dating only lol

sounds like my last date with a civilian, although I didn't know that was the case until afterwards.  LOL

Seriously, I would welcome the opportunity to have coffee before to get to know the other person better.  I really enjoy the conversation and meeting people.

Interesting thread, I can see advantages to both sides, like ruining the fantasy and such. It seems that if a lady is concerned about the $ situation,she should just state up front that a meeting, date or whatever you want to call it, for coffee, will cost a certain amount. That way it's not just a waste of your time.
  Personally the best times I've had with a lady is with someone who is willing to  be personable, willing to let me get to know them. Yes the act can be great but for me a lady who is real and not just a fantasy will get my repeat business.

Coffee supposedly kills the sex drive...maybe he had too much?

-SF-

since I've received so many PM's on this thread..
And I am referring to the FIRST TIME ever meeting.

I HAVE enjoyed my platonic meetings (coffee, dinner, lunch, etc.) VERY much, and the gentleman's company.

What I AM saying is that I finally understand why I was advised NOT TO. And, the reasons they have all specified to me, they have been exactly right about.

I now understand why my favorite ladies and mentors DON'T do them, and I understand why it is not likely that I will either.

(Of course, every rule has it exceptions..LOL)

I can understand from a financial perspective why ladies do not want to participate in unpaid coffee dates.  

However I do take exception to your statement "Reviews and websites have replaced the necessity for this and with those And emailing And talking on the phone, NOT TO MENTION backchanneling, if the gent is isn't astute enough by then to know if he'll click with the lady, then something is amiss, in my opinion, and just isn't going to happen , even by pouring coffee on it."

FF you have a great reputation and what I am going to say is not directed at you personally.

Websites can be useful to a client if they are accurate depictions of the lady.  How many websites have photos with blurred faces, twenty year old pictures, retouched photos, and photos that show the lady at 135 pounds instead of her current 165.  This is not to mention that at the very least the lady attempts to pick the most flattering shots for her websites.  In addition most of what most ladies put into their websites are part of the oeverall marketing package designed to attract prospective clients.  The photo issues may or may not be commented when the lady is reviewed by others.  Some ladies like to email and talk to potential clients on the phone and others try to minimize this interaction because time is money.  This is one of the reasons many ladies require that an extensive contact form be filled out before they even respond to a potential client at all.  Backchanelling can be useful but many hobbyists are very careful in their responses because they have no idea who is getting the information.  It might be LE.

Your basic premise appears to be that with all this information the astute hobbyist should be able to be positive that he will click with every provider he dates.  I guess the reverse is also true then.  With all the information that providers are collecting via contact forms, reading the clients reviews, provider references, if the provider is not astute enough by then to know that she will click with the hobbyist, then something is amiss.

Unfortunately I must not be very astute because I have not clicked with every provider I have seen and have clicked with some better than others.  Most of the providers I have seen must not be very astute either because they have not clicked with every client they have seen and some have had very bad experiences with some clients and have been busted by LE despite all of the information they had gathered.

I felt like Justaplayer made a *great* point...

And you are absolutely right that a "meeting" can not really be used to screen. Did you hear about the lady in NC who was taken to dinner... and then back to the room... and THEN busted???

I am not with that "try before you buy" concept... I think there is more than enough information, and more than enough pics of me, for someone to figure it out ahead of time, and that has worked well for me thus far. I mean, you cannot say "You are paying for my TIME," and then offer your time up free... it's illogical. (Well I suppose someone CAN, but it's still illogical.)

Hugs*
Tamara

If you are an unknown escort, maybe without a website, without reviews, without clients, then I can see that guys would want a little more info at first.  Maybe in that situation it would be OK to meet a guy for preliminaries.  Just to get a few knotches on your belt.

But if you are well known I say no.  I am absolutely amazed by how balsy guys are in their BS approach to get free time or p*ssy.  Girls (especially when they are on tour) need to stay focused on the business aspects of their time and not get distracted by all the BS.  The BS will mess with your head, get you out of the good mood you need to make your real clients happy, and just drain you in general.  Find the guys that want to pay and devote your attention to them.  Avoid the BS.