OK, here goes a sort of paradox question.  

A husband and wife checking account should not be shared. Also get a credit card that goes to a private po box. You might be fucked already since you have a joint account. Same thing if you have a brokerage account for stock trading purposes to fund the hobby.

My wife & I have accounts that list each other as joint users, but neither of us really has anything to do with the others account. We pay bills separately and also maintain separate individual accounts. Most marriages don't seem to handle their financial structure that way....I'm just lucky in that respect.

I don't have a wife or a SO so where my money comes and goes no one notices.  

All you need to do is be single...lol

You are stuck with the system you have now. Changing it will bring a lot of very uncomfortable questions.

If you are comfortable giving up some anonymity to a trusted friend - Hello! -  you can arrange for some kind of kickback deal.  

Especially if you love your wife because of how smart she is. lol. I figured out every single woman my ex was fucking in our apartment building just by standing next to both of them in the elevator. Then I'd tease him about it. (Open relationship obviously.) I also looked at a picture he provided of his friend's wives all lined up, and picked out the two he was banging, and also which one he was passionately banging often. How? Women's intuition.  

Unless you marry an accountant. Stay single, my friend. And thirsty!

Amen girl. A-fucking-men!

I'm so glad I'm single 😎😎

Now this depends on if your employer offer direct deposit or not. If they do and they allow more then one account to be deposit into. You could open up a new account with your name only. Then have enough funds deposited into that account to cover your play time. When you needs the funds you can withdraw out of that account. Problem solved no need for the wife to know about unwanted withdraws because she wont see them.

and to whom you can write a check and somehow justify it to the SO?

After, I think either 59 &1/2 or 62 (I way past both).. You can simply withdraw 401k money.. If you need $500.. the administrator will build it up to cover taxes..  I know.. using retirement funds to pay for fun now is dangerous and foolhardy.. but it can be an easy source of funds.. I go on line.. ask for what I need and it is an auto deposit in the account I have designated a few days later..

Oh, by the way, I work for the government and I'm here to help you!  

The joined checking accounts boat left port 25 years ago, too late to split it now without generating grounds for separation or divorce. That would be considered an act of war.

If you don't want to involve a friend, then having a real or imaginary side business might be the answer.  If my SO was a forensic accountant, I'd be VERY nervous, but my hobby funds come from moving money between business and personal accounts....some of it just seems to accidentally end up in Benjamins under the back seat of my construction truck....

That is a very interesting and viable approach. Got me thinking.

...it shouldn't be so hard to wait for someone good to come along.

-- Modified on 1/25/2016 9:21:47 AM

rob the bank. Or sell your blood. Or best bet, have a bake sale at your service club; tell the guys you are raising money to get serviced.

Forensic accounting, you are a brave man!! Cheers!

Not sure any of your options are viable if your wife keeps a watchful eye on the finances. My soon to be ex was a psychology major in school and I had a hard time getting away with anything. Fortunately she didn't have a clue about the finances and was too wrapped up in her own family to really care what I was up to. I just had to make up a ton of stuff to explain my absences. Good thing I am a golf nut and was able to use this as a standard when I saw my ATF who lives in my hometown. When I was traveling it was a breeze.  

Getting ready to incorporate as "Hide De Ho - Enabling Services for the Secretive Exec"

Posted By: impposter

If you are comfortable giving up some anonymity to a trusted friend - Hello! -  you can arrange for some kind of kickback deal.  
   
 The friend assumes a role, such as a that of a lawyer. You and he come up with some billable service: a minor lawsuit or settlement because you dinged someone's BMW; legal help on some business deal but not covered by the company.  
   
 Or just let the friend play the injured BMW owner. Settle for cash instead filing an insurance claim.  
   
 I would be happy to send you a bill for some fictitious reasons. Once your payment to me clears, I will send some of it back to you. Really!  
   
 If you prefer, I can be a sick relative who you are helping out in a time of need.  
   
 Mechanic? Your car needed some out-of-warranty service?    
   
 I can play a Nigerian scammer and you fall for my promise to send you 50M in exchange for 10k.  
   
 Are you planning any house or yard work? Hire a guy who can make a simple job into something pretty darn expensive. Yeah, it will piss off you and your wife when the bill comes in, but you're getting most of it back anyway.  
   
 One more thing to pay the fake lawyer about: What's the penalty for money laundering?  
   
 I know this all sounds like a conspiracy to deceive your SO, but you are doing that already.  
 

.....just keep it in cash and stash where she won't find ( keep at work, PO box?) build up your hobby fund, always keep in cash..... Don't have an account, no paper trail, she is too smart.

-- Modified on 1/25/2016 12:05:29 PM

agent.. so I book the dates for him and pay the girls.. He pays me back.. Tells his wife that we split the cost of seminars, etc..to cover the expense

Tell her you are taking up golf and that you are playing at the expensive course in town with a group you met there and that they play for $20 a hole or $100 whatever is plausible for you. When you actually play go to the muni and pocket the difference in green fees. Also, when you want a date play "a round" with the frictional group and lose. Had to pay off the bet dear. added benefit is that golf takes four hours to play so it frees up that time away for you as well.

I got some good replies, to bad they all require more effort than I'm willing to invest.

All is not lost. You can keep your regular habit of putting some money on the side and take out an ocassional $ 1-200, whatever the magic number is for you that won't arouse suspicion, to carry around as pocket cash. You can express some frustration of having to find an ATM (park the car, etc.) to pay for a drink, etc. with cash.  

I'd need to know the providers real name before I would even think about paying by CC.

I use it.   Just find the local Zen center and check in with the roshi.

(There's a reason he's known as St. Peter, you know.)

Seems like this topic came up a few years ago and it was pointed out that if you keep a separate account and your SO does a credit check on you you're screwed.  Is this true?

that explain shopping trips to stores...  and time for the hobby...  
You need pocket cash...  I doubled mine when I started hobbying...  Hobbies take money too...  I don't care what the hobby is, but they must make sense for YOU...  golf or a gym routine would not be for me.    
Too many people always pay everything with a Credit Card...  I've gotten bad that way too.  I think too many people walk around with NO CASH in their pockets but sometimes CASH is the only way to get out of a jam.  I draw the same cash from every check...  more than I spend...  when I do the next deposit, the left over gets hid & I start over.   In some emergencies, banks may not open.

It's called DIVORCE, sing it with me now D I V O R C E.

his friends' wives. LOL

cashed and used for "lunch and other incidentals" including stashing funds to P4P. Similar to your cash back strategy which I also utilize. Another way is if you go out with the guys, pay the bill and have the guys reimburse you in cash.

your source of funds directly. I am in competition with another hobby guy (for girl time) who has $3k every month his wife doesn't know about so he outspends me which is fine.

You're problem is the joint accounts and no way to split the income.  

I have told  my SO that I am playing golf .. but what I am really doing is seeing someone.. I even go to my club to take a shower before

Now I really need to schedule a business trip to Chicago before I get my taxes done!  

Change the limits that initiate the emails or texts from your bank!  

A credit check does not show bank accounts.  Though, it's better to take $ out of the bank account periodically and have cash on hand.  (I store it with my gun safes -- a place my wife and kids will avoid and/or are not aware of.)

I agree with all you wrote.  BUT, I also suggest having a PO box for your legit hobbies.  (In truth, it's FAR safer not giving your home address to strangers if you are buying and selling whatever your hobby is!)  By having a PO Box (preferably not near your home but near your work) you can also use this address for hotel programs, etc.  But DO be VERY careful if you use this address for a credit card!  Because this address will then show up on your credit report... and if you use this credit card to get gas then you will need to use that zip code at the gas pump, and so would your wife if she has a card!  (Dangerous!)

I like how you think!!