Whenever you are with a young provider, do you ever remember your wife when she was that age? When you wrap your arms around her small soft waist, do you smile and remember your "young" wife? Does a session with a provider take you back down memory lane to when you were engaged with that breathless desire with your wife years ago?
I'm asking this because I know some of you are still desperately in love with your wives, but for some reason or another, there is little to no sex at home. So are you still so in love with your wife, that even when you are engaging in intimacy with another woman, your wife actually replaces the provider in theory?

is attached to long, lean legs of a fifty year-old provider!

Is it a fantasy to pretend a "young-soft-waisted" lady is your wife?

IF SO....Consider doing a MILF!

It's been my experience that when my Gentlemen  friends and I are "on a date" ..He brings to me and shares with me his desire/desires... with ME... and leaves everything else in it's place.

As it should be!  

XOXO

Sexy Carolina

 

-- Modified on 9/1/2006 10:48:32 PM

I'm sorry if I offended you...I really didn't mean to offend anyone. These questions that I asked are very specific and serious questions for just a few that understand what I mean. And I want to hear what they have to say, for I'm really curious about different aspects of human relationships.
Again, I'm really sorry

I'm just as curious. Reread my poste..I write and rewrite until I get it like I want.

I hope there really is no "theory" to it.
I believe for the most part that what a very large percentage of Gentlemen are looking for is intimacy. The intimacy available satisfies fantasies and needs. I hope I'm right!

The post makes me consider what men might be thinking about...

XOXO

Sexy Carolina

-- Modified on 9/1/2006 11:07:30 PM

..when I am with a beautiful provider I imagine I am with a beautiful provider! And if the provider has a beautiful personality I fall for her too and try to enjoy the ephemeral moment to the max.

Frankly, for those guys reaching back to some bygone era through a fantasy, that's great, but for an hour or two if I connect on the slightest of levels and it equals a good time by all, then so be it. I have no inclination toward a memory but more importantly, I live in the moment. Some people in the hobby over romanticize this life and it leads to trouble for all. My advice is to be tender and good at what you do without going out of your way to encourage wrong thinking. You are right, some of these guys love and miss the women they married, but like most transitions in life, you deal with it.

Did Charlie Sheen think of Denise Richards when he was with a provider?  Why did Prince Charles fool around with horse-faced Camilla when he's got Diana at home?  Why did Hugh Grant go to see skanky Divine Brown when he had sexy Elizabeth Hurley at home?

Great point!

It's too late for me to be thinking this hard!

If I had something "HARDer" to DO...I wouldn't be thinking! Just what were THEY thinking?!!

Sexy Carolina

While young supple bodies are very nice, it is the personality of the provider that really sets the tone of the session.  Each woman is unique, and personally, I think anyone trying to relive the thrilling adventures of yesterday is on a fool’s errand.  It will never be the same as even if the bodies are much the same, the personality will be different, the kisses different, the movement of the hips different, and even that subtle female musk will be different.

I love my wife and have some great sex with her often.  I just enjoy a little variety.  I been paying providers since I was 18.  I have enjoyed the services of professional working girls when I was single , in a relationship with a woman, and as a married man.
I enjoy having a little naked time with a provider without commitment, but its not a substitute for a relationship with a woman.

Just as you can't say that all women are motivated by the same things the same holds true for men.  If you spoke with 10 honest hobbyists you would get 10 different answers (or at least different variations) on why they hobby.
Some are in it for the sex only, some for intimacy, some for danger, variety, revenge, etc. And lots have sexual addiction issues which cause them misery in other parts of their lives.  
So I doubt you offended anyone.  However, holding the mirror up can cause a little hostility.

All the people you cited were looking for more than a great body.

There is the fantasy, the thrill of forbidden fruit, etc.

There's as many reasons for having sex as there are people having sex.

It all starts with "lust of the eyes"...

 Although your point is very valid, there's many reasons men seek extra partners... I often feel like I'm in the minority on this board because I'm only seeking a hot, young, tight piece of ass that I couldn't get any other way but by paying for it!

Does that make me shallow? Hehehe!

Well said, Gyppo.  I agree completely.  Luckily, I live near Siobhan and hope to understand in the near future what fantasies may flow from her pleasures.

I think the "guy's" answer for this question is that most of us are horny and there is an excitement in the moment when you see another woman, besides your spouse, that you no longer get physically because of familiarity.

For some that excitement can be with the same provider for years with others it has to be a new adventure every week because they have climbed that mountain or captured that prey and they move on to the next.

I earnestly think few Hobbyist think of their spouse other than to worry about being caught because the excitement of the moment is sufficient in and of itself. Are they fantasizing, I don't know but for me I am more thinking about what I am touching, feeling and poking with Mr. Happy ... and in a session that is very real and not a fantasy.

Also as mentioned in an earlier post, there are no strings with a provider so if YMMV then you can simply move on with no need for the emotions of a "break-up".

Being very blunt and maybe that's not what you want to read, for most guys it is the rush of the moment and they will act romantic, tender and caring ... but in truth they are waiting for that moment when the clothes come off and the physical begins.

Just my thoughts - HAH

-- Modified on 9/2/2006 10:41:44 AM

I respect what HAH is saying, and his honesty and bravery in writing it.

But I think I'm different, and probably in the minority of the men on this Board. I'm *not* just "waiting for that moment when the clothes come off and the physical begins".  

I'm building a relationship with a couple of ATFs, whom I'm getting to know pretty well.  I admire and respect them a lot as people, not only as available sex objects.  

Yes, I also enjoy an occasional 'one night stand' with a stranger.  But that's just not the same for me.

Re Sioban's original question - when you're with a younger provider, do you think about your wife when she was that age?  My truthful answer is no.

For one thing, when she was that age, my wife was not very sexual.  If you then, perhaps, wonder, "Why did you marry her?", my answer is that, 40+ years ago, premarital sex was not that common (belive it or not) and my sexual expectations were a lot lower than they are now.  I married my wife because I liked her very much for other reasons (as I still do).  But I never fantasize about her as a sexual partner. She's simply not interested in sex.  The only fond sexual memory I have of her is of the time when she and I wanted her to get pregnant - she acted very sexual then, but never before or since.

I'm sad to report this, but happy to have a couple of outside relationships to get me through.  I feel I'm not simply paying for the outside sex, but now "paying her to go away", to finesse the greater dangers of an affair, which would much more threaten my marriage, I feel.

Life spmetimes has to be a big compromise. But, hopefully, it can always be a caring one for me.

I'm proud of trying to work this through, and appreciate being able to share thoughts about it, anonymously, with all of you. Good luck to all of you fine men and women.

Often the point of life isn't necessarily what is accomplished but HOW it is accomplished.

Accomplishing it by always being caring and sensitive to the needs and feelings of others is a noble cause.  Drive on.

Several years back I had a drop dead gorgeous woman as a sex partner. Between the sex she revealed that she had a sister who was even more beautiful and had a husband that was cheating with an unattractive woman. At the time I did not understand how a man could make the choice that he did, given the desirability of my pillow mate. But after some years have passed I understand that men and women sometime end having desires that having a mate that has great looks, or even great wealth and great looks, can not satify.

I think you are sincere in your thoughts but ...

With your ATF's are you going to see them in every aspect of life or only on the occasional meeting? I contend that you are meeting a person who is "on duty" who is in a sense trying to be what you want them to be.

This sounds negative but it is not intended that way. I own a business and as a professional my clients rarely see me for who I am but rather as the professional I am with technical skills.

Maybe a doctor would be a better anology ... you see them but do you really have a relationship with them.

Normally you will see providers on their best behavior (there are occasional lapses) and in a setting that is controlled. I think the providers would concur.

You don't see them when they get up in the morning. You don't hear them when they really don't want to go to work. You probably will hear little or nothing about their actual struggles in life for good reason because the providers want you to return.

Does that mean the provider is fake? No! It means they are doing their job and doing their jobs is effectively pleasing you so you will return.

Beyond these thoughts, I would ask you, do you really have anyway of incorporating the provider in your "normal" life so that you can develop a true relationship with her? If you are with your SO and see the provider in a restaurant are you going to introduce them?

The Hobby as we call it is a world we all enjoy but for those of us who have SO we have to be careful how we view it and be sure we grasp the reality of it. Because if our participation is made public, as you know the results are most often devastating to relationships we have in the real world.

Just a second dose of my thoughts.

HAH

-- Modified on 9/2/2006 11:35:14 AM

questions each others motives.

Yes, the eye is certainly the key to attraction most times.

Nothing shallow about that.

The question asked though is why does a person go after another when they have a good looking gal already.

So for some, if not most, there is a lot more going on there.

As Forrest Gump might have put it:  Shallow is as shallow does.  

A caption under a picture of a drop dead gorgeous gal read:

"No matter what you think of her right now, somewhere there's a guy who is sick of all her f*ucking bullsh*t."

Gives you pause now, doesn't it?

I know that looks aren't everything but some of the people whose affairs I questioned seemed to have partners that had several qualities.  Princess Diana was kind, smart, elegant, classy, beautiful and remains a role model to many today.  I doubt that any of us is immune to these desires but you seem to have gotten some insight from your wife's sister's husband that I am missing.  The only thing I can think of is what mrfisher mentioned - the thrill of forbidden fruit.

Actually, I'm glad it's not or I'd eat up the world and become a beached whale.

Hugs,
ciara

For me the hobby is a total disengage from my real life. I have yet to experience a provider that reminds me of the woman who was deeply in love with me years ago. Its more than looks that would bring that about, it would have to include incredible passion too. I don't think I could ever inspire a provider to that level to be honest. It would be nice to experience that just one more time in my life.

Good questions; assumptions may be right for some, but not for me.

My wife is a thoroughbred; she's more beautiful, smarter, better educated, wittier and worldlier than any woman --let's say person -- I've known. She has a better body than most women.  Period.  We have delightful, intimate, affectionate sex once a week.  It's always been that way.

My girlfriend, who is a provider, is an unmitigated slut.  She looks like a slut and acts like a slut.  I'm a slut, too, and we have great sexual compatibility.  When we are together we have crazy, perverse sex between four and seven times a day.  We've also got a lot of artsy stuff in common that we talk about all the time. She's an artist by profession, and when we're not having sex or eating, she pursues her art and I help as best I can with that.  

I love them both dearly, but in completely different ways. I dont feel the need or desire to see other providers, tho I'll occasionally get one for my girlfriend and watch.

-- Modified on 9/2/2006 10:48:40 PM

HAH, Thanks very much for your considerate and lengthly response.

I meet my two ATFs outside of the hotels which are their normal place of work, where we enjoy occasional meals together.  I pay for the meals, but never anything for their time then.

Even when we're back on the clock (where they give m quite a bit of extra time for just their regular fee) I trying to encourage them to tell me, and focus on, what they like emotionally (and physically(.  And I try giving them that, almost as though I'm the one who's the the paid provider!  

I then end up very well myself, to my own great satisfaction...but it's as though their gratifying me has then been given freely, not just paid for.  That could be solely a fanstasy they're acting out for me...but maybe not.

We go to restaurants where my wife would never go, and at times when she's away anyway.  But, to answer your question - theoretically, if we saw my wife in a restaurant: Yes, I would introduce them, but, before my wife, refer to knowing them through their *other* job *(which my two ATFs both have).  

By the way, since you mention doctors - I'm also becoming more and more friendly with my longtime doctor.  We haven't ever shared a meal together, but I could imagine that happening some day. We both enjoy friendly banter before a medical appointment, despite the fact that we like to discuss politics, and are of opposite political party and political philosophy.

You are, of course, right about professional boundaries, which Love Goddess also stresses as important in the Erotic Highway board.

I'm only saying that things can be happier if you manage to become friendly with your professional. Doctors, lawyers and sex workers are all professionals, but they're also human beings.

I agree that a paid relationship should never be confused as equal to an unpaid one.

I'm an entrepeneur, too.  But, like you I strongly suspect, I try to be genuine and personal with my clients and customers, without confusing that with a true unpaid friendship.

Does this make sense?  Is this still maintaining appropriate boundaries?

Siohbah, I love your questions, and your interest in how men feel, and what motivates us. I trust you're getting all the answers you deserve from your work as a provider this summer, and from this Board.

I have a parallel interest in what motivates women.

What really motivated you and other providers to get into this business?  To the extent you'd be comfortable answering these and similar questions, I'd be most grateful:

Did you get into this exclusively for the money? Primarily for the money?  Only partly for the money?

Do you feel you've learned a lot about men from this profession which you would not have learned otherwise?

Do you really enjoy yourself physically when you're working, or is it just a job you suffer through, to pursue other goals?  Do you have real orgasms?  If so, how often...roughly what percentage of the time?

What do you like most, and least, about the job?

How do you feel when we wake up on a day when you know you're going to work?  Do you think, "This is going to be a tough day, but I've got to do it?"  Or do you think, "I'm going to meet some interesting people and hope to have some fun?"  Or something in between?

If you had to choose onoe, would you say you're more tired or more happy at the end of the day?

I'm just suggesting some questions to get a dialogue going.  Please don't feel you need answer all or any of them.  And, if you prefer, Shiohan, write me back privately, rather than here.  I'd certainly like to meet you, if I'm ever in Nashville.  (Yes, I looked up where you are, via your website).

Thanks for your interest in us men.  And forgive my interests in you, and in other women.

I hope other providers will partipate in this dialogue, also...and maybe start some new threads, if this one gets too long.

The best sex comes from the best talk.  As Freud said (I'm paraphrasing): Who are women?  What do they really want?

To be happy, we men really need to know.

taste like chocolate.

There never would be a human race.  

is something that often comes up in the news, especially when a mental health professional is drummed out of the corps for becoming too cozy with a client.

I don't want to open that can of worms, but rather to share my own experience with my therapist (a male).

We did therapy for about seven years, at the end of which I was a very changed person, and all for the better.

He was a very untraditional therapist.  He had done Zen study in Japan and received transmission from his teacher to teach himself.  He had a four year degree from the "College Without Walls" in NYC, and he was highly recomended by a former girl friend with whom I was still very close to and who claimed wonderful results for herself.

After three years David and I got somewhat chummy and we hung out at bars and took a few road trips to places like NYC in his vintage Porche 911.  It was all great fun and in many ways was far more theraputic than our session in his living room.

I guess what I am trying to say is that personal relationships with professionals can work, but they can also be a disaster.  It is up to the skills of the therapist and the mind set of the client.

If you want to play it safe, then keep your distance however, you may miss out on the best part.

I'm 49, and was married to a gal with bi-polar disorder (manic-depressive) for over 25 yrs. Our marriage ended when her life ended about a year ago.      When she was in the up part of her cycle, our sex life was much better than I could have ever imagined. During the down part, it didn't exist at all. sometimes for a few months, sometimes a few years. I loved her dearly, but I'm also human. About 15 yrs. ago, I saw my first provider, mainly to maintain sone sort of sanity in my own life. I found it easy to 'substitute' the provider for my wife. Had I not, I seriously doubt I would have stayed married to her for that long. So yes, it definately took me back to a happier time, even if only for a short time. What it really did for me though, was to remove a blockade in our relationship, thus allowing me to be more of myself around her, thus lessening both of our pains with her disease. So the answer to  your questions is indeed yes, but for a slightly different reason than you might think.

I think that my wife is hot, and I do love her very much.  By the way, I'm shallow as hell for what that's worth.

To me, there's nothing quite like spending some time with a smoking hot young lady that's there to make me happy.  It helps make the reality of life easier to deal with.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it...

such as Ciara or Laney or Ms. Tigress, I think, this is how marriage could have been.... and not just in the bedroom..... but in the bath, in the kitchen, traveling.... or in general out on the town.....  yea.  I do think of the possibilities...  and smile.  Was I in love with my ex?  Yes, but gradually over the years, that changed.

-- Modified on 9/3/2006 6:33:58 PM

Congratulations.  Your achievement sounds like a male dream, especially to those of us with a once-a-year wife, no girlfriend and not even much money for providers.  

Best of all, it sounds like you have a genuine relationship with your girlfriend beyond 'just' the sex, with your common artistic interests.

Teach us how you managed this amazing feat.

All the best, to all three of you.