One fine poster recently had a link to the Cosmo web site. It was a perfect explanation to what was Not going on in my home bedroom. It said to look at oral/manual sex as a vitamin:
take once daily for good sexual health.
My SO does not seem to want to have sex except as a way to make babies.
Not good for me. Like most guys i need release every day.
I showed my SO this Cosmo article and had a long discussion (womens favorite pastime). She understood and was good with it.
Couple of HJs and then nothing. She left me hanging for several days.

If women can remember their third grade teachers name, why can't they remember to give their SOs a release every day?

(I bet if my dick had a dial tone she'd grab it all the time.)

and guess what - it isn't just spouses. If you think it doesn't exist in the hobby, you're not paying attention.

How about that little hottie you're had your eye on - she's $$$$+, a sweet little spinner you've seen talking trash in chat, her posts are on fire, you book her and it's all that and a bag of chips to the point that you get your first nut faster than you did back on prom night. You snuggle in figuring the rest of the hour is gonna be off the hok when she gets up and starts putting herself together because - you had your pop. One per hour, pal. Never mind that you just paid her what amounts to 2 weeks salary after taxes for an average female with a 9 to 5 and it's been under 20 minutes. If you want a full hour you better learn some control.
WTF, over?
I'll tell you what it's about - control. Control over you, the ability to deny or ration the thing you want. Your wife does it and so do a surprising number of providers. Funny, though - they're the ones running specials and marketing themselves 24/7 trying to sucker in one more guy, working their ass off to keep it going and never figuring out that if they gave value for their fee, if they went out of their way to make you feel good that you'd want to come back and they could build up a stable of regulars that would make life easy.

Somemore chips to go with the one on your shoulder?

So...Are you saying he's wrong?

No no no....not at all.  I can perfectly understand his frustration.  However, it sure seemed to lump providers into one big heap of sly, out to get you kind of women. We're not all like that.

If there is, I'm certain there is enough collective wisdom on this board to help you understand why you are not getting what you want, and how you might go about getting it. Your SO has not forgotten what you want, merely lost her motivation. Often, when someone is withholding something we want, we can experienced it as being "controlling." That's often too simplistic. If you want your SO to give you relief, explore what you can do to influence her to do so. Afterall, in an adult relationship, we can't make the other person do anything that they are not motivated to do, even if we believe we have a right to our demands to get from them what we want. Good relationships are mutually beneficial. Sometimes that means each person taking their turn in getting their needs met, by the other. And, hopefully there will be times when you have the same need being met by each other at the same time (emotional, intellectual, physical intimacy).

Pulled that one out of the fire --    >; >

Ha ha! That's awesome. I've all ready cut and pasted this post into several e-mails.

and the reasons are myriad.

No one should ever be made to feel inferior because they don't want to have sex, just as no one should be made to feel inferior because they want to have sex.

Somewhere there is a person who will have sex with you.

Sex is NEVER free (There may be good deals, but never free.)  It's like the old saying about no free lunch.

The point is not to sit and complain but get up and do something about it.

That's why we are here, isn't it?

"Your wife does it and so do a surprising number of providers. "

That doesn't even imply that most do it. That post is aimed at those who do.

They demean themselves by stating de facto that their only value is sexual, it's their only bargaining chip and so they use it. Funny thing is, they're the ones not having any fun out there. Sad, really.

As JL so eloquently stated: "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."

That's life.

I've always liked this saying....

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.""

I'm pretty sure, but less definite, that he's the one who sung it also.

And in more ways than one...

Sex is not an obligation, it is something two people should enjoy doing together. If, for whatever reason you and your spouse are not sexually compatible I think it's time for you to think about seeking professional (no, reading Cosmo does not count) help ...or just finding a good provider or two.



-- Modified on 12/31/2007 4:31:57 PM

It's certainly not for hard core femminists, but it might help.

Do you have or provide anything that she needs or wants?

http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/04/26/082915.php

See point 8

http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=GWYA,GWYA:2005-27,GWYA:en&q=proper+care+and+feeding+of+husbands&sa=X&oi=print&ct=title&cad=one-book-with-thumbnail#PPA90,M1' target=_blank>http://books.google.com/books?id=tD8pPNYp2jQC&dq=proper+care+and+feeding+of+husbands&pg=PP1&ots=-HZoAe3nDF&sig=lfxYVqyDCHo8hbk1-56B-ikfdiU&hl=en&prev=http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=GWYA,GWYA:2005-27,GWYA:en&q=proper+care+and+feeding+of+husbands&sa=X&oi=print&ct=title&cad=one-book-with-thumbnail#PPA90,M1

I was thinking the same thing. Wonder who did this to him? LOL

It's funny how Cosmo suddenly becomes your Bible because they had an article that supported your wants.  You remind me of those high school guys that are trying to convince their girlfriends to put out because a guy could die if they don't have sex.  I wonder if you would be as agreeable if Cosmo said that you need to have an hour of "discussion" with your SO every day for good sexual health.  Although I didn't see the article you mentioned, I doubt that it said that the daily release had to be provided by your SO.  If you believe the article that much, I suggest you quit bugging your SO and get a little self-release.

I know it's crude. But divorce time IMO, I wouldn't tolerate it. Time for Ultimata. If the SO is not your wife especially get out. No cosmo article is going to fix it, I don't know why the F people put up with this crap. Perhaps that's why I'm not married, because I won't tolerate not getting my needs met ; but if that's the case so be it.

The truth is the person you make your SO needs to have a sex drive (if you have a strong one -- like I do..). IF it was a sales pitch to get your wedding vows, then you go pay an attorney and get a divorce. Why is this negotiable for some guys, and why do they tolerate it? She runs every other aspect of your life right? Why Can't you get this, just curious why guys' put up with this. For god's sake.

-m

-m

Well, I'd say your right. However, I'd hope 5 pages of reviews calling someone an 8 or 9 and you wouldn't get this effect. OF course, it could line up with my other theory, if your not an attractive guy you get discriminated against. Still working on this one as we speak. The research should be enjoyable, however.

-m

The point is, if your marrying someone ( See: That is, locking down your pinus to that one girl allegedly fo the rest of your life... see fiedelity..) They should be YOUR provider. Not one of these girls, to me, if they aren't you need to get the f*** out, And now. Perhaps I'm off base, but I feel that if your not 'getting it at home' It's time to settle your affairs, pay for your divorce/break up and move on.

-m

Whatever. Self-release? Is this a person that he pays all the bills for, and takes care of? I mean granted we do not know the details, and it's not 'a guy could die if he doesn't have sex...' It's the attitude of, you are commiting to one person, you need to fill her psycho-emotional needs, as well as financial, isn't it her job to fullfill the needs that you have as a human being? I'll never understand that. Look if I'm getting self-release, the SO is packing her bags, and looking for a new place. But maybe I'm the only damn alpha-male left on the damn planet. I just wish men would grow some damn balls. f'in Christ.

-m

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.""

That's true not only fiscally, but emotionally. That's why there is this website, and that's why these fine women in this proffesion get work. By the way, I love you ladies, god bless you for certain..

-m

Where to even begin mminanton? This attitude is deplorable. NO.NO. NO.  It is not "her job to fulfill the needs that you have as a human being". That is YOUR job. It is also not the JOB of a wife/spouse/SO/partner/lover to be a Pez dispenser of sex for anyone. How a couple may have their financial life structured is irrelevant. IF one person in the relationship is the sole $earner--great. That is an active choice.

BUT, that does not imply a god-given entitlement to sex in return for $$. I believe there are some very lovely ladies around these parts with whom you might be able to arrange something along those lines--although, I have to wonder if this brutish attitude of yours might be a turn-off for them. If I were a provider you would have just made it to the top of my DNS list. But, that's just me.

Relationships are complicated. They require work/kindness/compromise and communication!! on both sides (or, however many sides there may be). If sexual needs/desires are not being met this is an indicator of a larger issue that's going to require a lot more investment than pointing out an article in Cosmo. If I ever got this kinda crap from my SO----I can guarantee you this shop would be closed for business. Would that be about "control"? you bet. Would that be a healthy/mature response? Nope. Would it be completely understandable? Absolutely.  

Fortunately, that hypothetical is beyond a remote possibility for me as I do demand that anyone with whom I am in a relationship be evolved beyond the Paleolithic era.



"But maybe I'm the only damn alpha-male left on the damn planet"

I can only hope.....

If you think that a relationship/marriage consists of "Guy pays bills, Girl does whatever he wants, whenever he wants" then you need to return to the Dark Ages or further back.  First of all, what makes you think he is paying all her bills?  He said she was his SO, not his wife and even then, it doesn't mean she isn't working too.  I agree that she needs to fulfill his needs but if he wants a Daily release and she isn't up for sex every day then he needs to take care of it on his own for the times when she isn't interested.  Sex should be a mutual act.  If you want the SO to provide a release even if she isn't into it then he doesn't really care for her feelings/needs and might as well get a blow-up doll or do it himself.  Which brings me to another point.  You assumed that he is "committing to one person."  If he is so committed to his SO, what is he doing on a site for hobbyists and providers?

-- Modified on 1/2/2008 12:29:52 AM

There are a lot of assumptions in your post... that this woman is some horrible shrew who is controlling him with sex in order to con him into marrying her and then controlling the rest of his life while he earns the living and she plays wifey at home.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Without knowing the details, these assumptions sound like some sick fantasy.

You state your inability to tolerate someone not meeting your needs, but what if it's YOU that just can't meet the needs of a SO?

I think your posts in this thread have been very offensive towards women and while I understand trying to offer this man comfort or advice to his problem, there might be a better way to do so.

Katie

Not really. If everyone wants to be married and have to see providers on TER that's fine (I personally find it disgusting--If I was married and truly loved a woman, I wouldn't be a square mile within-a-computer-that-could-get 'ter'). But I am a traditional romantic person and feel first of all that is betrayal. I think people mis-understand my points.

Obviously , she is not pleasing him. She may not be a 'shrew who is controlling him, or whatever..' I'm not saying the wife should be 100 percent submissive, only there for the man, but if he's seeking a provider or a 'hooker' there is a problem, I am sorry. I use the hooker example, because in essence this conveys strength of message.

I do not know his details, as I said, I would always and have always met 100 percent of the needs of an SO, usually to be walked on nicely. Women do not want you to be a solid provider and meet their needs, especially sexually they need a push-pull, to keep a constant sexual spark, or they lose interest or go elsewhere (in general).

I've been the world to an SO, sexually , emotionally , metaphysically, but after even an engagement my sexual needs were not a concern as much during the post-courtship period (I am a VERY sexual being!). Obviously if hes going to have an 'affair' or 'infadelity' BOTH of which I dispise and disagree with ( I am Single.) Maybe he beats her, maybe he is not emotionally satisfying .. who knows, I tend to believe she has gone cold per design, and what I like to call post-commitment comfort.

What do I know though . . perhaps I'm an asshole.

My summary is I disagree with any married person using a provider, and I feel if this is necessary they need to re-evaulate their marriage, seek-therapy, or admit they are doing it for her benefit and to keep things together. Though I find it an empty existance? IF you cant make love to your wife exclusively WTF is the point of being married? . . I will say the few times I ahve been in love the thought of another woman's vagina to hers would sicken me..

again , call me a die-hard.

-m

WEll, your obviously the white knight of the year, congrats, I feel your an idiot.

Are you married? You are mis-understanding me. When you say I DO you say this is the vagina I will be with for the rest of my life (I'm being primal here -- buddy. )

Certainly it is not her job to be a sex-slave (women are wonderous creatures, if anyone doesnt think I beleive that -- know me..). You should certainly be compatible though , and meet each others needs, otherwise you come to www.theeroticreview.com and bang 10x hotter chicks on the side.

If your sexual relationship is mutal ; beautiful and healthy, your throwing your computer out a window and cuddling with her at a fire kissing her gently ... get it? Why are all these married people here, if marriage is bliss, and these women are being perfect partners. Wake the M' F up.

so yes, it is her job to provide for you, or this site wouldn't even exist, and these wonderful and lovely ladies would lose some income. Why do all these married guys come here? I find it disgusting and I always will, I'm traditional, and old-school, I am not a prude, as I've been with over 100 providers in various forms. I've only been 'engaged' to marriage, and treasured her and loved her and supporter her with every inch of my soul. I never once thought of logging on to www.theeroticreview.com and finding a side-meal. My dad raised me right. If I got married, I'd burn this computer. The truth is I'm a high level exec who will likely see marriage when Hailey's Comet passes a second time.

By the way, I wipe my ass with Cosmo. I have never read it because I like girls. Point is this.

I hope your happy, I do, but your posting on www.theeroticreview.com; so if you are married or with an SO genious you are either getting girls from here, or living vicariously through those that do , or an optomistic fool.

No disrespect, but this post is blatantly ignorant, you people mis-understand I love the instituion of marriage, and love , but this place disgraces it and shits on it on a DAILY basis, so don't fucking get holier-than-thou with me, ever.

-m

Blah blah blah, married people are here, I win. They shouldn't be. And , that's how I feel, due to traditional-values. They are cheating and FUCKING OVER AND HURTING THEIR WIVES. and if they don't like their wives, they should go, and spare what could be fantastic women .. pain. I am no prude , but to me marriage is serious.

-m

Once again, where to even begin M.  OK here goes….

WEll, your obviously the white knight of the year, congrats, I feel your an idiot.

First of all If you’re going to call someone an idiot, learn to use conjunctions when you do it. You are = you’re
(and, yes, I know that was sophomoric, but I couldn’t resist

I was not making a comment on the institution of marriage in it’s totality. Nor was I commenting on, or leveling any judgment against anyone who participates in this hobby in, or outside of a primary relationship. There are myriad reasons why this happens and, frankly, I couldn’t give a rats a** why. That decision is for everyone to make within their own comfort zone and boundaries. And more importantly: it is none of my business.


I was commenting on the attitude that within the institution of marriage (or any relationship), that either participant  exists to provide sexual favors to the other—and daily, at that.  I object to the attitude that sex is an obligation, or that sex be “used” within a relationship to leverage power. Or that sex is “owed” by one partner for *any* reason; including being the primary breadwinner. (And this statement is not intended to imply I don’t realize this dynamic occurs---it does. I simply object to it and refuse to participate in it.)

If any couple, married or otherwise, is having difficulty relating sexually, as I stated in my post, this is indicative of a larger issue. It occurs for lots of different reasons and may, or may not be fixable—depending. But taking the “primal” position [as in I am man hear me roar] of saying “I just paid the bills now get over here and do me. And, if you don’t like it, you can get the F out?” That surely is not going to help anything and, in fact, will likely result in a stand-off that does not allow for any reasonable resolution.  Both sides then take to their respective corners and the battle is on.

And, M, you are helping me make my point. This line actually had me snorting coffee outta my nose I laughed so hard: ”When you say I DO you say this is the vagina I will be with for the rest of my life (I'm being primal here -- buddy. )

Now, maybe I’m getting hung up on semantics and this is NOT actually a reflection of your true attitude towards women. Maybe you were just using colorful phraseology. But, it evoked an image of a  vagina with her own arms and legs; a vagina that could make decisions independently.  And one morning a woman might wake up to find that her vagina had just  gotten married without consulting the rest of her, and now she was really screwed (pun intended).


”so yes, it is her job to provide for you”

I must still disagree with you on this one. And I stand by my statement that this attitude is deplorable. You just keep walking around with this "alpha-male, primal, I’m a man therefore I am owed sex” position and see how far that gets you with women you’re not paying. I don’t think it will be far.

And for the record: No, I am not married, or otherwise attached. And speaking as a human being who actually has a vagina, a healthy libido, and has been in LTR's with both men and women (and, trust me, the relationship challenges really don't change much here)---I know a little of what I speak.